orangehose Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I was just commenting about this issue on another thread and decided it merited its own thread. Have you guys typically been over the latest ex when you got into your next relationship or started dating around again? Or have you started relationships with some lingering longing for the past? I ask this because it's been a couple months and I'm planning on starting to casually date. I don't feel emotionally open to letting someone new in - in fact, the prospect of dating just leaves me with this sinking feeling. I don't feel excited about what 'prospects' have presented themselves so far. But then, I can't just stew in the past forever. A good chunk of time has passed, and I have to at least try to move on, even if my soul kicks and screams along the way. Anyone else been in this situation? Do I just push myself forward here?
nowhereman82 Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Personally I say don't go in expecting the next love of your life right away. Because it will be the first person, of course you might think of "am i over the ex" while you are with them. Or a number of things. Just have fun, be yourself, know what you want and dont want from the person and maintain your boundaries. If there is something that is a compatibility issue or you feel for whatever reason you aren't ready, be prepared to let them go. *shrug* Got to get your feet wet eventually.
jerbear Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Have you guys typically been over the latest ex when you got into your next relationship or started dating around again? Or have you started relationships with some lingering longing for the past? Yes. Anyone else been in this situation? Do I just push myself forward here? Well pushing yourself out there can help. Everyone is different in how fast they can get back into the groove of things. If you don't clear the old relationships that you long from the past, it would not help you going forward. You will be doing yourself a disfavor and the other person by substituting the old relationship with the new one. The old stuff will continue and that longing will build. I suggest that you still put yourself out there, casually date, and work on yourself. Figure out what you are longing for the old relationship and work on finding outlets for those.
LikeCharlotte Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 next relationship or started dating around again? Or have you started relationships with some lingering longing for the past?I wouldn't say typically, but I have. I ask this because it's been a couple months and I'm planning on starting to casually date. I don't feel emotionally open to letting someone new in - in fact, the prospect of dating just leaves me with this sinking feeling. I don't feel excited about what 'prospects' have presented themselves so far.Keep in mind that it's not easy to find decent prospects even when you aren't healing. Feel it out, take it slow and give it a try. You will be able find how comfortable you are with dating soon enough. But then, I can't just stew in the past forever. A good chunk of time has passed, and I have to at least try to move on, even if my soul kicks and screams along the way.No, you can't stew forever but being alone for awhile is perfectly fine. Don't beat yourself up if you aren't up to it. Embrace it and focus on other areas of you life. Anyone else been in this situation? Do I just push myself forward here?I was feeling this way a few months back and I tried to push myself into it then I changed my mind. It was awful and I just didn't feel right. I'm just "doing me" right now. I have some interest invested in someone - but that is all atm. I just do not want a full time investment right now and its not because I was heartbroken it is because I need a little rest and some time out for just me. I'm in no rush, I have the rest of my life to live and I just feel like right now I want to spend a little bit of it with myself. Again, give it a try and feel it out. I think you will get an idea of how you want to handle the next step forward as soon as you start taking it.
Ingenue Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 In my situation, I'm giving myself about 6 months of "just me" time to heal and be completely over my ex before I contemplate dating. One of the main reasons I'm not immediately jumping back into the dating game is that I don't want to end up comparing whomever I date to my ex. Each person is an individual and I want to appreciate the next person in my life as someone unique, not someone who may or may not measure up to the qualities I found attractive in my ex. Plus, after being in a relationship for 5 years, it's nice to have a bit of a breather for myself and reestablish who I am. I just don't want to rebound with some guy who ends up being a regret in my life.
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