chacha7 Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 Both my friend and i have known eachother for a very long time and I consider her to be like a sister. She has always been the one to do things first, like date a boy, be intimate, move out of her house, etc. Less than a year ago she met a guy and they started dating and immediately there was talk of moving in together and getting married. I thought, "noone is that crazy to do that so quickly", but apparently I was wrong. she is moving in with him in a few weeks, not even dating him a year. She says they are very in love, but I know that a huge part of it is that neither of them can stand living with their families any longer. Upon first impression both my friend and I didn't think this guy was so great (ie. made weird jokes and acted a little over the top). I don't think he is a bad person per se, but not necessarily right for her and I just feel like this is a very rash decision for such a big step. It also bothered me bc I was with my bf for so long, over 2 years, and he was less committed to me than ever. We actually broke up last week, so I'm not exactly feeling any better about this situation and since I have been writing about that, I thought I'd right about these feelings about my friend moving in with her bf as well. It's like a mix of worry that this could be a wrong move for her and jealousy, I guess, bc I don't even have anyone now. I try to stay positive and support her, even when most of her other friends haven't, but it can get hard to be around her sometimes. Has anyone else ever felt this before? I'm just trying to be a good friend, but sometimes it hurts me to even here about it. The thing is we are in our early 20's and it just seems very sudden and even her personality has seemed to change. She used to be much more of a party girl, even with her ex, but now she is like forced to go to sleep at like 10 and wake up early bc her bf makes her. There are a lot of things she tells me about him that seems like red flags and I just think "are you sure about him?" Another one of our friends is probably getting engaged soon, but I don't feel these same things towards her, maybe bc she has been with her bf for 3 years and I feel like they are good for eachother. I just need some advice from anyone who has experienced this and if you read my other posts about my breakup that would be great too. Thanks so much in advance. Everyone on this site is always so helpful and it has already helped me a lot with my breakup!
stillafool Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 I think your friend knows what she is doing. How do you know she is being forced to go to bed at 10PM or she wants to snuggle in bed with her bf early? What you may think is too soon for them to move in may not be soon enough for them. Each relationship has it's own pace. If your friend is happy with her situation then you shouldn't worry about her. They may get engaged after moving in together.
Author chacha7 Posted September 2, 2008 Author Posted September 2, 2008 I know for a fact that she is forced to go to bed at that time, bc he will not stay up to hang out with her since he wakes up really early every day. I don't really care about that...it's just the other red flags about him, and the fact that it is very sudden. I also know for a fact that they both want to move out of their families houses ASAP bc they can't stand living there. Do you think that is a good reason to move in with your bf of less than a year?
Author chacha7 Posted September 2, 2008 Author Posted September 2, 2008 I always worry bc my friends bf has no full time job or health insurance and she is going to school without a job and feels that if something happens to him, she'll just have her dad pay for their mortgage, food, etc.
kchiapet95 Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 Does your friend have a history of making rash, impulsive bad decisions? If she does, this may weigh heavily on you, and I can understand that. But the best you can do is just to express your concern and let her know you'll be there for her. It's up to her to decide what she wants to do with that information. What's done can be undone. It's not the end of the world if they break up, and then again they can get married. What concerns me is that you admit that you are a little jealous and down about your failed relationship with your ex. This is something you need to deal with and not project those insecurities on to her. I can understand, it must hurt. Your relationship lasted 2 years and ended painfully. Hers has been going on less than 1, and they are moving in together. What? You need to focus on healing yourself and not pushing those insecurities on her relationship.
Author chacha7 Posted September 3, 2008 Author Posted September 3, 2008 Yes, I am definently working on my feelings about my own relationship status, and No, I don't project these feelings onto her at all. In fact, I am one of the only friends that seems to support her. She has actually lost friends over this, which is something else that concerns me. The slightest concern and she is dumping her friends, which is weird because she used to be the type of girl who was girls over guys, you know. The only reason I am writing about it on here is because I will not project these feelings onto her, but I must release them in some way. I'm being honest and working through these feelings in my own way so that I don't push them onto her. I give her very objective opinions when she tells me things, and yes this is not the first time she has made bad decisions when it has come to guys. She doesn't like to be alone and would do anything to get out of her house, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised by this whole thing. Obviously I would be a little jealous, but I in no way want the same thing to happen to her. I really hope everything works out for her, but there are many red flags with him (OCD, the way he treats her and women in general), his and her motivation for moving in together, their money situation, insurance, their relationships with their families, the amt of time they dated, etc...
lovestruck818 Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 Don't worry...she wont be getting married anytime soon. Again, the whole milk for free thing. Why marry someone if you are living with them? You can just get all the benefits of being married without actually being married...no legalities and a way to save money. I have a friend who has lived with her boyf for 4 years now and she wonders when she will get engaged. Probably never...b/c it's like they already are.
stillafool Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 I know for a fact that she is forced to go to bed at that time, bc he will not stay up to hang out with her since he wakes up really early every day. I don't really care about that...it's just the other red flags about him, and the fact that it is very sudden. I also know for a fact that they both want to move out of their families houses ASAP bc they can't stand living there. Do you think that is a good reason to move in with your bf of less than a year? Well this doesn't sound like she is forced to go to bed when he does it sounds like she goes to bed early because he does. Also if they wanted to move out of their parents homes that bad there are roommates you can get. They don't have to live with each other.
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