jellybean83 Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 hello, im new here but i just needed to get everything off my chest as coping alone is not doing me any good. I have been with my partner for 6 years, happily with ups and downs like every couple. we have two wonderful children one is 4 and the other is just 1. when i was pregnant with my second my partner went through a period of time where he was going out alot with mates and going over to cousins during the week. some times he wouldnt come back till 3 or 4 in the morning and then work at 6am. We did go through a rough patch then because i was running around after my daughter who was then 3 as well as heavily pregnant and having a condtion call spd. as well as working from home too. then when my son was born things just picked up between us and i was soo happy and belived he was too. he stopped going out may be the odd time but not alot and was helpping alot more with the kids. then this may he told me one night he was going out with friends from work to a "rave" something he had never even thought of doing before, but i didnt have a reason not to believe him and everything was hunky dory, he helpped get kids off to bed and put on black t shirt and jeans with trainers asked if i thought he looked ok for this rave and kissed me good bye and that was it...... i went to bed thinking ahhh he wont be back probably till 7am or 8am tomorrow so was prepaired for him returning the next day. well the next day followed i got up with the kids at 6 and heard nothign from him, waited till 7 and tried to call his mobile, but it was off and so i believed his battery had died.... time went on and on so i thought i would ring round friends but nope no one knew where he was or even had been the following night. i started to really worry this just wasnt like him... even after a blazing row he would always come home... but he left on such a high happy note.. I phoned the police station and they advised i called very one in 20 miles as well as hospitals and so i did all this through out the day but nope nothing... time was getting on and he had still not shown. it got to 7.30 pm and the police came round to take a formal statement as he was now a missing person,. they took photos and explained there was not alot that could be done as i didnt have any leads for them to follow. my friends had come to sit with me whilst they were here, and stayed a while after recking their minds to where he could be.. I beliveed he was dead or hurt some where because he would have been home or txt or phoned but nothing. 9.00pm there was a bang on the door, i was up stairs seeing to one of the little ones, when my friend call up ... it is a girl called alex.!! I knew of no alex and nor did my partner from what i knew.. i ran down the stairs and saw her face i thought she was here to tell me he was dead or in a car crash or something when she then.... sat me down telling me she knew where he was but i needed to know who she was first.. i was hysterical by now wanting to be put out my missery with my friends around me shouting at her... who are you?? where is he?? [sIZE=2]When we all asked why and who are you she explained that she was his girlfriend of the past year and a half and that he was with another womans in kingston that he had been seeing for past few months,. hearing this i broke down with everything swirling in my head, how can he be with another woman and how has he been with this girl for the past year and a half? why has he done this? what have i done to deserve this? she sat me down and knelt in front of me saying she was really sorry she was the one who had to break this too me and that she had a phone call from amanda asking if he was with her and if not to phone joe, so this is what she did and joe told her he was with his other bird in kingston. so she sent anthony an altermatum that he either told me by 9pm or she would. she said they had sex once and it wasnt a sexual relationship they just clicked from the start. She said they met at bromley pool club and swapped numbers, and from this he would go to hers and meet upect. She said they would talk most of the day, and he would place her on hold if i phoned him. He told her to be quiet if i ever phoned him up on the nights i believed he was either with joe or darrel. he took her round to his cousins for them too meet and alex and amanda become very close and she would go to hers even if he wasnt with her. ALL amanda, darrel, mo, victoria,ben, joe, and max new about her! but i didnt. She met him just after his 25th birthday and they finished in february but have still been in contact till last week, She explained how he was living two sperate lives and that i was the safe house and she was the fun house. That when he had enough of the home life he would call her and go to hers letting me think he was at joes or darrels. she said they did everything intermate ffrom blow job, licking out, and sex toys. she told me he was the love of his life and he ment everything to her and him finisheing it destoryed her. she said he showed her a picture of isabelle and said it was his niece with no mention of me pregnant at home. [sIZE=2]she said they constantly bought pressents for one another, and that the boxers i found she bought, jeans, aftershave, tops, games.... she told me she tried on the ring he bought me for xmas as it only fit her little finger. he bought him a badge in a me to you box and it was put in his car. she was the one who drove his car and smashed it up and had to get into debt of £600 to give him for damage. she has driven past and smashed his wing mirror off his car. she said he always told her he loved me and i was the love of his life and he loved her like a sister and he enjoyed her company. and the reason he broke everything off was because he wanted to be with me and he loved me. they sat their laughing and sniggering saying how funny it was. while i was having my heart ripped up in pieces. She told me mobile numbers and personal things such as sexual things me and him have done, about the abortion, my underwear. she new everything about me. she sat their saying how they have had baths together as its something close and intermate and was something he didnt do or have with me as im too uncomfortable with my body to do so. she said that he told her he earned £3k a month and that they were looing at each others finaces to work out if they were able to get a morgage together. she said that he would take days off work while at net work rail to take her out places for the day and turn his phone off so i couldnt get hold of him and would say his batterie died and thats how he got in so many problems with work because he had soo much time of with her. That he goes to her house in the evening on his way home from work, and spends most of the day on the phone and would put her on holdif i phoned. He would tell her to be quiet if i phoned when they were together and he answered the call. And while i was pregnant he would ignore calls and messages with me haveing contractions. she said after joshua was born he got his head shaved as really short just to upset and annoy me. And that he is expected to use all his wages on me and the kids and to buy things for the house such as sofas and carpets and so he never has money as it always goes on us. she said that on way home from places she would give him head in his car.That they went for a meal with ben to tgi fridays and a indian resturaunt called indigos, and a female phoned and said she was a discrace and wht was he doing with her when he had me? that amanda, darrel and victoria all hate me with a passion. they finsihed it in february when she went to america and she didnt tell ant where she was going only amanda, and when amanda told him where she was he was distraut and went mad when she got back. dragged her out the car and wante dand explination of her ****ing of. she said they had a love hate relationship and were constantly haveing arguements. He came home the next morning tail between legs, i didnt let him in to start with but when i asked who alex was he said no one, a friend whos a phsyco.... shes a compulsive liar trying to ruine my life out to do as much damage as possible because she fancied me and i turned her down because i love you... he made me believe most of what she had said was lies, and that he should have been honest and told me about her to start with but just couldnt. he denied being with any other girl and said he went to a rave that weekend and got so smashed eneded up ill at his mates to sleep it off as didnt want the kids seeing him so runined. i believe him,. two days later when going through his phine i then see txts off a girl and when confronted i was eventually told... i have been texting a girl off my round and this is where i really was at the weekend im soo soo sorry. we had sex 3 times, and dont everything sexual imaginable basically with all details.........i dont know why it happened i was in two minds to if i wanted the family life or the single life but i chose you and the grass aint greener on the other side........... So sorry its a long one..... so yep... a girl who come and destroyed my life telling me it wasnt sexual and he did love me but they had planned to get it together properly. and then a yr and half later hes in bed with someone else lying about where he had been even though he had ben found out about number 1..... since then i asked him to leave and he did and came to see me and kids when welcome, he has moved back in past few weeks but im still sooooo mixed up and dont know what to think or do please guys... help!!! [/sIZE][/sIZE]
BCCA Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 Thats absolutely terrible. I would have an extremely hard time trusting some one who did that again. I would demand that he went with you to counseling or made some other efforts to curb this behavior. Just saying I'm sorry doesnt come anywhere close to being enough to forgive a 1.5 year affair. The best way to predict future behavior is to look at past behavior. Unless he changes, things are likely to repeat. Be good to yourself, make sure this is a healthy and commited relationship to be in.
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