A setback that confuses me.

[Rowen]

It has been just about 11 months since my ex gf broke up with me. Mid september is the one year mark.

 

Over the past 2 days, I have had dreams about my ex and I can't seem to stop thinking about her. I have that deep suffocating feeling inside my body again. One that makes me want to cry, one that makes me remember good times, and one that brings back images even smells of our amazing times together. This is after I had thought I finally broke away from that cycle, I was over her. Dating new girls, even as we speak I am seeing a girl and consider ourselves together. I have not seen her since maywhen her car broke down infront of my house and we were starting to hang out again. She dissapeared again and found yet another bf. I don't really care about that. In early july, she sent me a text message about her grandfather being horribly sick, that was it. One or two replies, then nothing. I casually texted her in late july to see how her grandfather was doing, she said he died. That's the last I heard from her.

 

ANyway,, all that is irrelevant. The point is, I'm having this deep feeling again, not to the extent of before, But I am definately feeling it again. Why I don't know, and any of your comments would be great to help me along here. I want this to end quickly.

[Rowen]

Any response would be great... I talked to my roommate about it abit today. And he's great about it. But I know how annoying it can be, so I went clear of it a bit. I feel bad right now.. I just hope it doesn't last long.

[coffeemaker]

hey there - sorry you are going through this. I have dreams of previous ppl I dated randomly too, and though they are not potent anymore, they happen when another person or situation really reminds me of them. Someone on this board said grieving isn't linear. Just take it for what it is, don't over analyze it, just experience it, and continue doing whatever you've been doing to move on. The dreams are okay. It will get better. Everyone heals at different rates. Don't stress

[Rowen]

hey there - sorry you are going through this. I have dreams of previous ppl I dated randomly too, and though they are not potent anymore, they happen when another person or situation really reminds me of them. Someone on this board said grieving isn't linear. Just take it for what it is, don't over analyze it, just experience it, and continue doing whatever you've been doing to move on. The dreams are okay. It will get better. Everyone heals at different rates. Don't stress

 

Thanks for the post and advice. I understand waht you're saying completely, but for me, I thought I was over it, then this happens. It's juist weird.

[Biker2007]

Rowen,

 

I had a similar experience w/ the X that brought me to LS.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t158503/

 

When I first met her, I thought I found someone special...Now, a little over a year after the break up I am still trying to forget her. It sounds like you might be reliving some of the times that you were going through last year at this time. I thought I was doing better, but when the 1 year mark from our break up came near I felt as if I was right back at square 1...

 

I know it's not easy, but keep taking it day by day.

 

BTW - How is the relationship w/ the current gf?

[MalachiX]

Wait, I'm a bit confused. The new girl you're seeing had a car break down, havn't talked to her in a while, and you consider yourself together or was this your old GF?

 

Anyway, I wouldn't get too freaked out about the dreams. I've experienced the same thing since my break up about seven months ago. I'd feel better and then I'd have a dream about her or something else to remind me and suddenly I felt lousy again. The important thing is that this has happened less and less frequently and affected me less each time. The last time I dreamt about her was about a month ago and I simply decided to sleep another hour (that way I'd wake up with a better dream on my mind) and was fine for the rest of day. I think most emotional pain is like that. It'll pop up again and again but, if you're really healing, it'll be less frequent and easier to deal with. It's just like morning the death of a loved one.

 

Also, if you're having these issues with your new GF, the dreams may be coming hardcore because it's reminding you of when you lost your previous EX and you feel vunerable again.

[Meaplus3]

It has been just about 11 months since my ex gf broke up with me. Mid september is the one year mark.

 

Over the past 2 days, I have had dreams about my ex and I can't seem to stop thinking about her. I have that deep suffocating feeling inside my body again. One that makes me want to cry, one that makes me remember good times, and one that brings back images even smells of our amazing times together. This is after I had thought I finally broke away from that cycle, I was over her. Dating new girls, even as we speak I am seeing a girl and consider ourselves together. I have not seen her since maywhen her car broke down infront of my house and we were starting to hang out again. She dissapeared again and found yet another bf. I don't really care about that. In early july, she sent me a text message about her grandfather being horribly sick, that was it. One or two replies, then nothing. I casually texted her in late july to see how her grandfather was doing, she said he died. That's the last I heard from her.

 

ANyway,, all that is irrelevant. The point is, I'm having this deep feeling again, not to the extent of before, But I am definately feeling it again. Why I don't know, and any of your comments would be great to help me along here. I want this to end quickly.

 

Your probably having those feelings again because she was at one time a very important part of your life. It's very easy to look back on the good times and forget the not so good ones. Just try and shift your thoughts to the new person in your life.. and I'm sure with time those feelings will fade. Hang in there.

 

AP:)

[Ronni_W]

Well, it seems that your conscious mind is very aware of the approaching anniversary of your break-up. And that your dreams are triggering those types of feelings, kinda suggests that your subconscious mind knows there's still a small bit of grieving/healing left to do. (In general, dreams are subconscious mind's way of helping us figure something out or deal with something that's not yet dealt with.) It'll such be remnants, so no need to panic.

 

You could look at it as being your time to finally release the last bits and pieces of the hurting part, so that you'll soon be able to recall the "good stuff" from a detached, unemotional point of just observing. It's a good thing.

 

When possible, just acknowledge how you're feeling and then do your best to change your thoughts...think of complex math equations or how to time travel, or somesuch . Probably just that the date set it all off for you, so I wouldn't worry about the timing too much. I'm guessing mostly you'll just be really thankful that you're coming to the real, true END of all of it(?)

[Rowen]

Thanks for the replies everyone. A day and a half later, I am feeling quite a bit better. I really have appreciated all of your support. I just knew that feeling and it felt like I had felt after the break up and dreaded how long it could last and what would happen to me. I got into drinking after, and I need to stay away from that.

 

As for the confusion about the girl I was seeing etc. The flat tire happend with my ex in early may. She seemed to want to get back together with me again.. she did in february as well but said she didnt want to have to deal with going through everything that had happend and felt it was easier to run away to a guy who asked her out in february. That happend again in may, as she ran away once again and has now been in a relationship with a guy for 2 months now.

 

I think she;s had 3 boyfriends since she broke up with me.

[Rowen]

Well I am feeling a lot better than before. I still think about it a bit these days but it doesn't really bother me to the point of lost sleep etc. I'm thinking it's the time of year.