frenchgirl Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 I really need your help with this guy I met. We work in the same building but not for the same company. Everytime I see him in the hall, he smiles at me, makes funny comments. We occasionally e-mail and he is usually very enthusiastic and flirtatious. However, everytime I had a one-on-one conversation with him, he was a totally different person. No more jokes, no more smiles, a bit too serious... Now I wonder whether he likes me but is too shy in person - or if he's just a nice guy who doesn't want to be stuck alone with me.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 Emails doesn't necessarily equal real life. Sometimes people are just different in person, while online they can write whatever they want making them appear more social than they actually are. When do you guys normally email each other? If it's during work hours, I think the flirtatious side of his emails comes from the fact that he's bored at work and was trying to spice things up.
likestolaugh Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 I think the emails are his true nature, but he might be a bit shy in person, and so it doesn't come out...
Author frenchgirl Posted August 30, 2008 Author Posted August 30, 2008 Emails doesn't necessarily equal real life. Sometimes people are just different in person, while online they can write whatever they want making them appear more social than they actually are. When do you guys normally email each other? If it's during work hours, I think the flirtatious side of his emails comes from the fact that he's bored at work and was trying to spice things up. Yes we e-mail during work hours. And he's actually very good with SHORT conversations. It is when we are alone, actually talking, that things seem to fall apart.
Author frenchgirl Posted August 30, 2008 Author Posted August 30, 2008 I think the emails are his true nature, but he might be a bit shy in person, and so it doesn't come out... Last time I had a cigarette with him he looked all over the place and seemed really uncomfortable. Maybe he's afraid that I like him too much? I'm really at loss here.
Shygirl15 Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 I don't think he really wants to pursue you (maybe he's in a relationship or something), but just enjoy fantasizing about it, maybe.
Author frenchgirl Posted August 30, 2008 Author Posted August 30, 2008 I don't think he really wants to pursue you (maybe he's in a relationship or something), but just enjoy fantasizing about it, maybe. Actually he told me a couple weeks ago that he had dumped his girlfriend...
carhill Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 From my remembrances of your postings, I'd say he's probably intimidated by you in person. That's not a reflection on you, rather his self-confidence. If he is coming out of a breakup, it's likely to be affected. Perhaps, if you keep things light and don't have too much contact, but remain in periphery, he might come around. Don't wait for him, but rather follow your instincts about how your interactions go.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 Actually he told me a couple weeks ago that he had dumped his girlfriend... That just means he's emotionally flirting with you online. Doesn't mean that he wants a relationship in real life.
Author frenchgirl Posted August 30, 2008 Author Posted August 30, 2008 One thing I forgot to mention. On our last cigarette break, we bumped into one of his colleagues. He then said that "we're going to start a rumour" since we were seen talking alone. Is this a good/bad sign?
Trialbyfire Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 Until a guy steps up to the plate in real life, I don't think you can take anyone seriously when they flirt via cyberspace. It can be a form of ego-stroking for the guy, that he can "get" any woman or potentially just an amusing way to pass time or a component of both.
carhill Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 He's creating drama. To me this says you really aren't important to him, for, if you were (meaning he was interested in you) he would flirt with you in a different way and it would have nothing to do with what others might think (starting "rumours").... OTOH, he might just be a dork. I made a profession of that for many years
Author frenchgirl Posted August 30, 2008 Author Posted August 30, 2008 He's creating drama. To me this says you really aren't important to him, for, if you were (meaning he was interested in you) he would flirt with you in a different way and it would have nothing to do with what others might think (starting "rumours").... OTOH, he might just be a dork. I made a profession of that for many years I don't think he mentioned the "rumours" in the sense that we should stop. If I were with someone who I am not interested in, I wouldn't even consider that it might start a rumour. Starting a rumour suggests that there is some sexual tension, no?
JoeNewbie Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 I give all of my female friends the same advice: if he's interested, he'll make a move. Guys aren't like girls. Guys are direct and they think with their little head most of the time.
carhill Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 I don't think he mentioned the "rumours" in the sense that we should stop. Let me try a different approach. If he's really interested in you, he doesn't care what else is going on in the room and who might see or what they might think. This presumes he's truly single. The mere fact that he mentions rumours, even in a flirtatious way, tells me he's looking around, or, as I mentioned as an alternative, he's a dork and just says stupid stuff. I said many similar things, simply because I was nervous or couldn't think of anything smarter to say at the moment. Real life is much more in the moment than e-mail and I know I could pull off the cool, relaxed gig much better without the immediacy. As I said prior, he may be intimidated by your physical attractiveness and gets wadded up and says/does stupid things. Either way, or anyway, he needs to center himself and engage you directly and express his attraction and interest. It's not a game of who's on first. You deserve that kind of respect.
Author frenchgirl Posted August 30, 2008 Author Posted August 30, 2008 Thanks for developing your answer, Carhill. People figure things are easy for me since I am an attractive girl. The truth is that I have my own challenges and insecurities. I can't seem to find a guy who I truly like. Yet there are so many guys hitting on me but I am not interested in them. Life stinks.
Ariadne Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 We occasionally e-mail and he is usually very enthusiastic and flirtatious... everytime I had a one-on-one conversation with him, he was a totally different person. That again, is a case of men and their silly flirting. They love to do that... They just flirt but when the time comes, they don't want anything to do with you. And you just go nuts analyzing everything they say for clues. See if he steps up to the plate (doubtful) and then consider, other than that don't pay too much attention to the flirting emails as if they mean anything.
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