Bells Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 I have a situation. I am a part of this organization, now this organization has singles functions. It's more of a non-profit organation for singles...they go out and do singles functions, gatherings, bowling, fishing, biking, etc. Apparently, alot of the ladies in the group had to leave to form their OWN singles group because the leader/founder of said group was making some ladies in the group feel uncomfortable. I received an invite from this new group, it said I "was in" (It was a mass email to a mailing list) so I joined up...only to be quickly uninvited by someone....I asked for an explanation as to why...and one of the women in the group said that there was as specific woman in their group that they are good friends with that brought it to their attention that I made her feel very uncomfortable. I was rather taken a back by this....because people who know me would think I'm the most harmless guy in the world! My friends always sing praises about me. However, this does NOT suprise me, considering how, in the year 2008, peole sue over anything, women needlessy scream "Sexual Harassment", minorities always throwing the race card....OR people who just get plain offended to easily. ANd I feel that THIS is the case...some overly paranoid woman, thought I was going to make her life miserable if I let into the group. ONly because I made ONE woman uncomfortable...and chances are it was not deliberate...I would say more her problem than mines. But, the consensus was made by her "sisterhood", and since they are good friends with her....they booted me, only to make her feel comfortable. Now I ask this...should I send a response back to the organizer that booted me and be humble and say, "Wow, I'm sorry, but I didn't mean to offend or hurt anyone...this really comes as a real suprise to me....I apologize if I had made that person uncomfortable..I didn't mean to. I wish it had been brough to my attention earlier." Or, should I complain and say, "Well that's a real fine howdy-doo, you invite me to a group...only to boot me quickly right off over ONE person, because it would make that one person feel upset for even me being a member of the group? Is this how you treat people...like outcasts?? Is it SO BAD that you justify it by kicking someone out completely?? " Which would be better?
forrest Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 You should think about the outcome of sending the two messages. The way I see it, if you send the first, kind message, they MIGHT respond with an explanation of why they kicked you out (you made a dirty, offensive joke or you touched her in inappropriate areas, etc). If you send an angry message, you will receive an angry response. This will just be a vicious cycle and you will not get anything out of it. IMO, either send the first message or dont waste your time.
carhill Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 Which would be better? Joining a less hormonal group would be much healthier IMO. Unless, of course, you enjoy the drama
Trialbyfire Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 Joining a less hormonal group would be much healthier IMO. Unless, of course, you enjoy the drama No kidding!
Author Bells Posted August 30, 2008 Author Posted August 30, 2008 Joining a less hormonal group would be much healthier IMO. Unless, of course, you enjoy the drama What was kind of not such of a "high road" on their part is, that they singled out the individual harassing them in a mass email. Then they create a group that touts "this is a drama free group"...Hello, pot calling kettle? LOL Seems likes it's turning into a singles group where the single women dominate, and if your a man and want to join, you'll be under close scrutiny. lol
carhill Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 I noticed you perhaps like cycling. I cycled for years (tours, centuries, etc) as part of a local cycling club. Lots of ladies enjoy cycling, but it's a club, not just singles. Much more pleasant, IMO. Remember, married couples have single friends Personally, I think mixed gender/relationship groups focusing on an activity are a much healthier way to socialize. I can only take being the cabana boy so much
KinAZ Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 I have to agree with those who say don't bother with this group. I would probably send the nice reply to all... hahaha... if they sent the rejection in mass email, but also state that I am no longer interested in their group (politely, of course). A mass email rejection is rather inappropriate...
Ariadne Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 Yeah, I'd say forget those people. If you manage to get back then they'll start finding a problem with something else. I don't have any problems like that myself, but I'm very sensitive to being annoyed. Like noises bother me, smells bother me, crowds bother me, too much light bothers me, etc.
Ronni_W Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 I wouldn't be too quick with any mushy-gushy apologies. Nor would I bother with trying to get up enough anger to email them. If anything, I'd go the road of, "Yeah, now that you've given me the chance to think about it, please withdraw my initial sign-up request. Yours is DEFINITELY the wrong group for me! I want to be associated with an organization that has totally different values and principles than yours has now revealed. Your first mailing didn't make things clear enough. Or maybe I was just a little slow on the uptake. Thanks so much, though, and all the best." And depending on how much energy I had left, I'd just carry on like that...and let them try to figure out WTF I'm saying about their moronic group .
Author Bells Posted August 31, 2008 Author Posted August 31, 2008 I wouldn't be too quick with any mushy-gushy apologies. Nor would I bother with trying to get up enough anger to email them. If anything, I'd go the road of, "Yeah, now that you've given me the chance to think about it, please withdraw my initial sign-up request. Yours is DEFINITELY the wrong group for me! I want to be associated with an organization that has totally different values and principles than yours has now revealed. Your first mailing didn't make things clear enough. Or maybe I was just a little slow on the uptake. Thanks so much, though, and all the best." And depending on how much energy I had left, I'd just carry on like that...and let them try to figure out WTF I'm saying about their moronic group . Actually, I was invited....I joined...THEN they booted me out...that's like being an Indian Giver. LOL I guess some chick recgonized me, I dont' know who it was that had a problem with me, I can only guess. I probably hit on her or put a move on her.....who knows...I mean, come'on it's a singles group.....and she said something to the leader of the group...and had me immediately removed. I think I knew who it was, too, but not sure....of course it could have been any woman that felt "uncomfortable". But removing someone because it would "upset her"? Come on, Grow up!!
Trialbyfire Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Okay Bells, I'm confused. Is this solely a singles' group, where people are looking to meet each other for the purposes of romantic interest? Or is this a singles' group, where people are looking for friends or there's a specific target interest, to use carhill's example, cycling?
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