The "peter pan" women here don't know the simple rule of economics

[Kamille]

I do think manh women here "want it all"

 

Simple fact is you can't.

 

If you are in your 30's, female, and want children, but can't find one after years of dating, then yes you do want too much, stereotyping or not.

 

 

And the reason you subscribed today to enlighten women everywhere with your wisdom is?

[FrankBlack]

In order to understand functional and dysfunctional relationships, you have to understand the dynamics that meet your needs in a relationship. If you don't understand the dynamics or your own personal needs, you'll hit crisis point one day with someone who shocks you with a different core belief or value.

 

 

When you hit this point, three things happen:

1. Many people bend over due to being blinded by emotions and the duration already invested, which can easily build resentments which fester over time.
   
2. Many people reach what they believe is a compromise but isn't really one, since resentments build again. This is more a technical stalemate, where it's swept under the carpet.
   
3. Many people walk due to sheer disbelief that their partner is, as based on their requirements, amoral.
   

In situation 1 and 2, when resentments fester, they manifest themselves in many other ways.

 

Relationships aren't simple, unless you've found someone who's compatible in more ways than not. You can work and work and work, but at the end of the day, if you're bending over and compromising for another partner, more than being happy and satisfied in a relationship, you're wasting precious time.

 

You say you're happy and fulfilled in this relationship, so once again, what meets your needs in a relationship, including what makes her a good woman?

 

So I've already explained this to you. A functional relationship is something that works in it's simplicity.

 

Your energy is very very negative, to a point where you almost expect a relationship to be dysfunctional.

[xpaperxcutx]

I don't think you're in a right position to "preach" a woman's role to another woman. You've never experienced life in high heel shoes and walk a mile without breaking a sweat. Why do you feel the need to go around delegating duties for us? I think every women is capable of getting a man without a man telling them they have to settle.

[Trialbyfire]

So I've already explained this to you. A functional relationship is something that works in it's simplicity.

 

Your energy is very very negative, to a point where you almost expect a relationship to be dysfunctional.

Answer my questions. Are you afraid of answering them?

[Tomcat33]

Life is short. You cannot change the underlying law of nature to suit your argument. Women who have children in their late 20's early 30's are more equipped for motherhood because of the amount of energy they have and their fertility rate.

 

 

 

All my close friends and family were ALL married over thirty they are all moms and damned good ones at that. They were financially able to stay home and take care of their kids without feeling strapped, and in a few year's time they went back into their careers without even a glitch. Their quality of life is above and beyond anyone's in their 20's who are still studying trying to make ends meet and trying to build a life career and family all in one go. Then by the time these kids end up to be 35 they are burnt out, living seperate lives under a same roof due to all this, and looking for something to spice up their lives

 

Stage left: enter affair.

 

 

Bilogically speaking women are pefect to make babies in their 30's women work out and stay healthy and fit today and have exponential energy due to their lifestyles, and financially speaking and in terms of personal development they are in a better place. So what law of nature am I trying to change? I am using the brain, which I might add is a significant part or a woman's biology (we are not just tits and ovaries) to create a better life for myself as I see fit being the WHOLE woman that I am.

 

What's the problem cowboy?

[BettyBoop]

the main thing that makes our marriage work is a promise to each other to create a satisifying marriage.

 

If that is the main thing then I'm a bit worried about your marriage. (Where is the love?)

 

"Satisfying" marriage? It just sounds like settling to me. Sorry, but it does. If I were you, I would have gone for a "great" or "fullfilling" marriage - it sounds way better.

[FrankBlack]

Answer my questions. Are you afraid of answering them?

 

I've already answered them

 

Are you afriad of the answer? How about you answer my question then, how old are you and have you ever been in a loving fulfilling long term partnership? Mine has been going six years now.

[FrankBlack]

Answer my questions. Are you afraid of answering them?

 

Perhaps you are afraid of the anwer.

 

How old are you and have you ever been in a long term fulfilling relationship? Long term - not just a couple of years.

[Kamille]

Good, I am glad you are taking all questions in consideration.

 

I repeat mine for the third time - as I feel I would be more receptive to your argument if I understood your motives better.

 

Why did you feel the sudden urge to suscribe to LS today to enlighten us with your wisdom?

[FrankBlack]

If that is the main thing then I'm a bit worried about your marriage. (Where is the love?)

 

"Satisfying" marriage? It just sounds like settling to me. Sorry, but it does. If I were you, I would have gone for a "great" or "fullfilling" marriage - it sounds way better.

 

satisfying is great and fulfilling

[shadowplay]

So I've already explained this to you. A functional relationship is something that works in it's simplicity.

 

Your energy is very very negative, to a point where you almost expect a relationship to be dysfunctional.

 

You refuse to give any specifics. Human relationships are intrinsically complex.

[shadowplay]

Perhaps you are afraid of the anwer.

 

How old are you and have you ever been in a long term fulfilling relationship? Long term - not just a couple of years.

 

Your refusal to answer specific questions makes it hard to take your argument seriously.

[FrankBlack]

You refuse to give any specifics. Human relationships are intrinsically complex.

 

Or perhaps you like to complicate them?

 

As for the person asking why I posted (not that it's relevant)... because I felt like it...

[Tomcat33]

You refuse to give any specifics. Human relationships are intrinsically complex.

 

 

Because he is full of shiit that's why, he keeps avoiding all the good questions on here and all the good comments that he clearly has NO response for.

 

A person who has a solid argument and a solid stance on their philosophies does not weasle out of challenging questions with "love takes work"

 

No shiiit Sherlock! You came all the way here took out a profile on a dating advice site started a thread to enlighten all women over 30 to tell us that?

Thanks for coming out!

[Kamille]

Or perhaps you like to complicate them?

 

As for the person asking why I posted (not that it's relevant)... because I felt like it...

 

And you felt like it because?

[shadowplay]

Or perhaps you like to complicate them?

 

As for the person asking why I posted (not that it's relevant)... because I felt like it...

 

I have to agree with Tomcat. If you had any real confidence in your beliefs you wouldn't be dismissing questions with Hallmark-card platitudes. Shame because this could have been an interesting discussion.

[Trialbyfire]

Perhaps you are afraid of the anwer.

 

How old are you and have you ever been in a long term fulfilling relationship? Long term - not just a couple of years.

How can I be afraid of the answer, when I keep asking the questions and you won't respond with detail? I would love, love, love to hear your answers. I beg you to answer! Plse, pretty plse with a cherry on top!

[carhill]

It's going to be a long weekend

[FrankBlack]

Firstly a marriage isn't an essay or a philosophical work of greatness, it's a marriage. It doesn't have to be analysed or defended, if it works for both parties, and they feel they are happy and satisfied by it that's enough.

Are the women who are questioning it single and in their 30's? Perhaps you would like to take a look at how the complications and pre-conceptions about relationships you are creating are affecting your ability to have a healthy long term partnership.

 

Trying to pick at someone elses successful marriage is not the way to go. Perhaps, instead of being bitter about how your relationships don't work out you should try to learn a thing or two about simplicity instead.

[FrankBlack]

How can I be afraid of the answer, when I keep asking the questions and you won't respond with detail? I would love, love, love to hear your answers. I beg you to answer! Plse, pretty plse with a cherry on top!

 

So have you been in a healthy long term relationship or not?

 

Or have you picked a string of guys that didn't live up to your expectations, and are afraid of simple vulnerability and enjoyment again?

[Trialbyfire]

So have you been in a healthy long term relationship or not?

 

Or have you picked a string of guys that didn't live up to your expectations, and are afraid of simple vulnerability and enjoyment again?

In order to give advice to women, you need to tell us what makes for a healthy long-term relationship beyond generalities. If you're unable or unwilling to do so, I see it as nothing but smoke and air.

[Kamille]

So have you been in a healthy long term relationship or not?

 

Or have you picked a string of guys that didn't live up to your expectations, and are afraid of simple vulnerability and enjoyment again?

 

How is that any of your business unless someone posts a thread asking for advice?

 

You are assuming that 30 + single women are unhappy.

[xpaperxcutx]

Firstly a marriage isn't an essay or a philosophical work of greatness, it's a marriage. It doesn't have to be analysed or defended, if it works for both parties, and they feel they are happy and satisfied by it that's enough.

Are the women who are questioning it single and in their 30's? Perhaps you would like to take a look at how the complications and pre-conceptions about relationships you are creating are affecting your ability to have a healthy long term partnership.

 

Trying to pick at someone elses successful marriage is not the way to go. Perhaps, instead of being bitter about how your relationships don't work out you should try to learn a thing or two about simplicity instead.

 

You've only been married for how long? 3 years isn't a long time by American standards. Your marriage still have a way to go. Come back to us in 20 years or so and then tell us how successful it was.

[Tomcat33]

Firstly a marriage isn't an essay or a philosophical work of greatness, it's a marriage. It doesn't have to be analysed or defended,

 

 

Nice spin on what you clearly cannot answer.

 

No one asked you to define or philosophize about marriage, we could care less what's your take on marriage. On a saturday afternoon you are sitting here arguing nonsense with single people on a dating advice forum instead of being out with your W so that pretty much sums up what your take on marriage is.

 

We asked you to back up this:

 

. The fact is, a woman in her 30's is going past the prime of her fertility. In fact, any woman serious about having children probably has already chosen to find a stable environment for raising children by this age. Otherwise what has she been doing with her time?

 

Well adjusted women chose not to spend their time on casual affairs and settled for a good choice of stable male long ago. It is no good being a female in your 30's, and STILL looking for some stud as your lifelong partner, this will not work at all. Often the women who have this unrealistic approach and peter pan syndrome haven't quite climbed down from their pedestal yet, still believing that they are the young carefree woman because they can't accept that those times are over. Well guess what, those times are over, they were over long ago, and if you can't let go then you are ill equipped to deal with the different seasons of life.

 

 

Clearly you are just here to bash women over 30 and it's beyond me why?

But if I hazard a guess...let's see.... because you haven't got laid since you were caught masturbating "palmela" in 8th grade?

[FrankBlack]

It's funny you guys would like to rip into me, but it's not my biological clock that's ticking is it!

 

I would love to give you a fairytale story about my marriage, but those are for children! My wife and I are comfortable and happy with each other, and that IS love. I could go through with you step by step about good communication, quality time, mutual trust and respect, and how those have to be worked on, but we all know about these things anyway, and what's the point if you're looking for the heaven and stars to fall from the get go in your relationships? Has this approach worked for you thus far? No... so try a more realistic one instead! Perhaps getting to know someone for who they are and what makes them who they are instead of approaching with a set of requirements and check list to tick off that no-one can EVER meet. By doing this you make yourselves invulnerable and can't open yourselves up to anything worthwhile. Hence you end up posting bitter messages on a forum about how no-one meets your needs! It's like looking at a sportsman and criticising all the time about how you wouldn't do it like that but never actually getting on the court and realising what it's about, and enjoying the sport for what it is

 

Do you choose not to play tennis because you can't play it like Federer paried with Nadal - because that's your exact argument!! You put pride before happiness!! Perhaps accepting that you also have shortcomings as well as stregths would help before you go making unrealstic demands on your partner to meet your needs. To continue that analogy it's not hard to find a tennis partners is it?? so do you spend 20 years sitting by the side of the court with a sour face just because you never think anyone is good enough to play with you. That's how your life is, wake up!!

 

You can sling as much vitirol at me as you want, question my motives, and my marriage, if it makes you feel more comfortable about the fact that you're just refuse to accept life for what it is and settle down into a healthy adult relationship! You would rather argue argue argue deconstruct analyse than allow yourselves the simple pleasure in life of being happy. It makes you self righteous and stubborn to a point that you make yourselves miserable and turn people off! Knock yourselves out on this if you want but you're the only ones that end up damaged! No woman is an island!

 

The simple truth is staring you in the face no matter how much you try to skate around it. Don't shoot the messenger!!

 

Anyway I gotta go pick my wife up from the station, we're playing tennis tommorow, should bring a couple of arguments lol. It's been a pleasure