BettyBoop Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 I seriously need some advice on this as everyone else agrees with me, but the situation is insane. My female friend, let's call her Sara, broke up with her b/f in May. When I got back from summer holidays she told me she had a new b/f. She met both online (has not met this "man" in reality, he lives 2 hrs away) and her ex was 2 years younger than her. She is 22. Her new b/f was 14 when they got "together" and he turned 15 2 weeks ago. Their parents opposed the relationship, which was a relief to me, but now last night she told me they have changed their minds and instead of them meeting up (her and him) when he is 18 - they will get to meet in a few months?! I have voiced my opinion on the matter, not as harsh as I feel, but have let her known I think the age difference will matter. No-one in her family or anyone close seems to dare telling her that it is wrong and immature for her to be dating someone 7 years younger - who is still underage. Since his parents now have agreed, maybe I should accept it? I'm just wondering if it's just me or does this seem insane? Should I just be alright with it and support it anyway? I don't want to lose her friendship but I am really uncomfortable with the whole situation and don't really agree with their relationship. Should I just shut up about it?
Green Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 I wouldn't be friends with a person like this, especialy if this is against the law where you live. Why cant she just meet some guy 18 or up, its kinda gross
carhill Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 Make your heartfelt opinion honestly known (which you apparently have), then keep your counsel. It's their life, not yours. If anyone needs to be involved, it's the parents of the young man. While we might dismiss such things for males with nudges and giggles, boys can receive the same psychological damage as girls from such relationships. Not saying he will, but it is a risk. His parents are his guardians and it's up to them to protect his interests. Perhaps it's time to find some new friends
norajane Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 If a 22 year old woman thinks she can find love and romance with a 15 year old boy, she's badly mistaken. And immature. His parents are on the scene, so I'm sure they will look out for him. If I were you, I'd probably just say "Ewwwww!" whenever she'd mention it. And tell her it's illegal. And then say "Ewwww!" again. I wouldn't be able to help myself from showing how icky I thought it was. Otherwise, I'd leave it alone. Like I said, his parents are involved, so this isn't really going anywhere. They may let them meet each other so it becomes more OBVIOUS to the both of them how icky this is and get it out of their system.
Ronni_W Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 Her new b/f was 14 when they got "together" and he turned 15 2 weeks ago. Their parents opposed the relationship, Are we sure this boy is 15, with parents in opposition? What if it's a 50 y/o perv? Could easily send pics of a nephew and get friends to pose as "parents", couldn't he? Cos, maybe it's just that I'm too old, but I so cannot see a 15 y/o guy really being all that serious about hooking up with a 22 y/o! -- am I way out of touch, about that? (And I definitely don't get a 22 y/o gal's attraction to a 15 y/o, needless to add.)
whichwayisup Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 She is 22. He is barely 15 years old? She's INSANE to get involved with a KID that young. Sorry, but your friend has some issues. Back off and leave her alone, when and IF things end with this KID, then pick up the friendship again..Until then stay away from her.
Author BettyBoop Posted August 30, 2008 Author Posted August 30, 2008 Well that is the problem I am not sure it is illegal in my country (am from Scandinavia). Everyone keeps telling me it's not illegal since he is now 15, but it sounds odd to me as she clearly is too old. I don't really want to end the friendship as she has been one of my closest friends since I was 13. I haven't been that harsh about it, besides saying I think he is too young for her, because I don't want to touch this with a ten foot pole. But in my book she has gone too far this time and I am just frustrated that his parents are now more of less letting them invest in something like this. But I will keep my foot out of it methinks. It's just nice to hear I'm not being insane to think the whole situation is appalling. XP
carhill Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 If you're concerned, this tells me your cultural norms on this subject are likely similar to those here in the US. I have a psychologist friend who is native Swedish and I'll ask her. I'm always interested how different cultures perceive social issues. BTW, I didn't mean to drop her as a friend, rather distance yourself right now and find some other friends to hang out with. This sends the message that her choices do have consequences when a friend finds them "appalling". Your love and friendship isn't unconditional
KinAZ Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 I have a friend who has a thing for a girl much younger than himself. She's 17, but he's practically old enough to be her father. He hasn't put a hand on her, and says he tries to turn down her flirtations, but he's not doing enough, IMO, to create that distance, and make it clear that nothing can happen right now between the two of them. I don't think there's anything wrong with voicing your opinions, and telling her why you think it's wrong. You may also want to let her know that just because the parents say it's OK now does NOT mean that she couldn't end up in a court case down the road! His parents may say that she's been molesting him for 2 years at some point in the future, and it really is not worth the risk. Fact is, if a parent allows his/her child to be molested, it doesn't matter because the STATE still disapproves! All she needs is to be reported by a neighbor or another relative. Tell her that you don't want to see her playing games with her future, and just distance yourself from their relationship and that talk. Let her know that you don't want to hang out with him, and you don't want her to talk to you at all about him.
CaliGuy Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 Where were women like this when I was 15?! hrumph!
Lizzie60 Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 Hum.. I think your friend is sick... very very sick... he's just a boy... unless she has the mentality of a 14 yr old..
KinAZ Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 Well that is the problem I am not sure it is illegal in my country (am from Scandinavia). Everyone keeps telling me it's not illegal since he is now 15, but it sounds odd to me as she clearly is too old. I don't really want to end the friendship as she has been one of my closest friends since I was 13. I haven't been that harsh about it, besides saying I think he is too young for her, because I don't want to touch this with a ten foot pole. But in my book she has gone too far this time and I am just frustrated that his parents are now more of less letting them invest in something like this. But I will keep my foot out of it methinks. It's just nice to hear I'm not being insane to think the whole situation is appalling. XP Oops! I just saw this. Since it may not be illegal there, there's nothing wrong with distancing yourself from the situation. Letting her know that you're still her friend but don't want to hear anything about him, should hopefully let her know how much you disapprove of the situation. I understand that a lot of people don't handle honesty very well, but in my opinion, a good friend will tell me something that hurts my feelings to save me from something worse...
Recommended Posts