soulseeker Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 My bf and I have been together 10 mos. We are in love. He tells me that he sees us getting married and raising a family, that I am different from every other woman he has dated, etc. I do feel genuinely loved by him. However, he has also told me that in the past he has had commitment issues. We are moving to a new city in a few months. He asked me how I felt about living together and I said I wasnt sure. Well, after reflection, I want to do it. He says that he thinks it is a better idea if we live apart at first and let our relationship grow. Reassess in six mos or whatever. Part of me agrees, but part of me thinks this is bs. That he just sees me as "Miss Right Now". We are not kids, 30 and 33. We have both dated enough to know what we are looking for. He tells me I am who he has been looking for. Told me I am the love of his life. Yet...he does not feel ready to move in and is not ready for that commitment. I'm confused. Please help. What gives?
Ruby Slippers Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 Proceed with caution. My relationship bears some similarities to yours, but it's almost 2 years along and I'm considering ending it. My thread on the matter is mostly me blabbing on like a typical girl, but it might be of some use: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t160782/
Author soulseeker Posted August 30, 2008 Author Posted August 30, 2008 He is not selfish with me, shows great concern about my life, spends most of his free time with me, and is buying us tickets to an event in 2010. He had a terrible childhood, and has told me the reason he is scared is because he does not want to end up like his parents, bitter, mean, and divorced. I get that, BUT we are not his parents. I know there are no guarantees in life, and that Ill have to ride this out a bit. I turned 30 this year, and I really want a family. I know that is adding to it, but I just wonder if I am in denial with this guy. Wouldn't he want to move in if he were crazy about me? Shouldnt that override the fear?
Tomcat33 Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 I lived with two guys one I was engaged to the other we decided to he pushed I was on the fence. I swore to myself the next time it will be only if I am engaged and ready to marry the guy, it becomes too entangled and makes it harder to get out if you don't know for sure going into it. My philosophy is living together is the last step before you go all the way knowing that you ARE going all the way not to test if you WANT to go all the way. What is your stance on living together and what do you feel living together means for you?
norajane Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 I lived with two guys one I was engaged to the other we decided to he pushed I was on the fence. I swore to myself the next time it will be only if I am engaged and ready to marry the guy, it becomes too entangled and makes it harder to get out if you don't know for sure going into it. My philosophy is living together is the last step before you go all the way knowing that you ARE going all the way not to test if you WANT to go all the way. I've also done the living together thing, and I feel exactly the same way about it. Yet...he does not feel ready to move in and is not ready for that commitment. He is the one who asked you how you felt about living together, which would indicate he is open to the idea. And, at that time, you both weren't sure. A short time later, you changed your mind, but he hasn't yet changed his. But he is telling you what he needs in order to get to that level of commitment, though: time. You've only been together 10 months. It won't hurt to give it 6 months more. Reassess in 6 months. Use that 6 months to make sure that you are certain about wanting to move in with him and love him forever.
Ruby Slippers Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 Wouldn't he want to move in if he were crazy about me? Shouldnt that override the fear? Maybe he wants to make sure to get it RIGHT this time because he is crazy about you. Spending most of his free time with you and buying tickets for 2010 are pretty good signs of commitment (I can't say those things about my boyfriend, so now I see it's not a fair comparison). It could be that you'll spend most of your time at each other's places, anyway, and decide to move in together in 6 months.
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