Cartwright Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 Well i need help. Me and my ex boyfriend broke up a year ago for no reason. We had the best relationship you could ask for. We loved each other so much and had everything in common. He is in a relationship now and i have been single since. But there is a secret to be told. He has been texting me everyday since we broke up and tells me he still loves me and misses me. I would do anything in the world to have him back and he tells me that he wants to be with me someday but not now. What do I do? I have been ignoring him here lately and just being myself and having fun. I just know though that I love him and need help to understand what would be the best thing to do to help him decide what he wants. Please help
BCCA Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 Im sorry, I know it sucks. As a wise man once said (Caliguy), beleive what he says 10% of the time and believe what he does 100% of the time. He can say whatever he wants to, but hes still with this other girl and has made no attempts to reunite with you. Here is the roughest thing anyone ever has to hear, but its really true: he has already made up his mind. He's decided what he wants, and he didnt chose you. Does this mean all hope is lost and youll never hear from him ever again? Maybe, but not neccesarily. You can hold a torch for some one, but only if you can honestly live with the fact that it might not ever work out with that person. As some one who has heard "maybe someday, not now" WAY too many times in my life, he might as well say "youre my backup plan". Is that really what you want to be? Plan B? Even if you feel like saying yes, just realize that he could still never call you or come back. Let it go, dont respond to his texts, and work on moving on. He knows he could come back at any time, and thats not good.
citizen67 Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 Cartright - next time he texts you send him a text back saying "I am not interested in hearing from you while you are involved with another woman. If you persist in contacting me while you have a GF I will change my number. If you really care about me as you say, you will respect my wishes on this matter."
Author Cartwright Posted August 30, 2008 Author Posted August 30, 2008 Well i am trying this whole nc thing and it is harder than i thought. He has been texting me and asking me where my apt is so he can come see me. Well I have not replied one time. Well almost 2 hours after he texted me that he sent me a email asking me why i wasnt talking to him. So I quess im doing the right thing and just leaving him alone. this is so hard and i want to talk to him so bad but I know that i need answers and i don't deserve to be a backup plan anymore. I just love the boy what can i say.
BCCA Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 Well i am trying this whole nc thing and it is harder than i thought. He has been texting me and asking me where my apt is so he can come see me. Well I have not replied one time. Well almost 2 hours after he texted me that he sent me a email asking me why i wasnt talking to him. So I quess im doing the right thing and just leaving him alone. this is so hard and i want to talk to him so bad but I know that i need answers and i don't deserve to be a backup plan anymore. I just love the boy what can i say. If you have to respond, I would say something along the lines of "I dont think its a good idea to talk while youre in a relationship with some one else." You dont want him coming by your place unless he's ended things with her. I know how you feel, we all do. But you have to draw a line in the sand and hold your ground. As long as he is with this other woman, you shouldnt have anything to do with him. Be strong!
sandrawg Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 If you have to respond, I would say something along the lines of "I dont think its a good idea to talk while youre in a relationship with some one else." You dont want him coming by your place unless he's ended things with her. I know how you feel, we all do. But you have to draw a line in the sand and hold your ground. As long as he is with this other woman, you shouldnt have anything to do with him. Be strong! I agree. I find this type of behavior disgusting. I've seen it from the other side. I have been the girlfriend, while my soon-to-be-exbf kept his ex-ex girlfriend as a "Plan B." Let me tell you-it SUCKS for everyone involved. If you go along w/your boyfriend's disrespectful behavior (disrespectful towards both his gf and his current relationship), you will only get hurt in the end. Nobody wins in this situation. You will be disrespecting both YOURSELF (because you're letting yourself get used...I mean look. If he wanted a rel'ship with YOU, he'd be in one. He probably just wants some easy, uncomplicated, uncommitted "sex with an ex") AND his current girlfriend. Don't go there. No one wins in this situation.
Author Cartwright Posted August 31, 2008 Author Posted August 31, 2008 Thanks everyone for all the comments. Last night he wanted to see me and i told him it wasnt a good idea but he said all the things i wanted to hear. I went to see him last night at his home town. He wanted to hold me so he did for like 30min and wouldnt let go. He then kissed me and told me that he loved me. I was so confused at the moment and didn't understand why he was doing this. He told me that I was everything he wanted and truly loved me. He then stopped and said though i have to be with her and give her a chance. Let me remind you he has been with her for a year and has been texting me that whole year. He told me that when he doesnt talk to me he goes crazy and can't stand it knowing that im out there on the market. I told him that if he loves me then he needs to choose who he wants. I asked him do you want me or her? He said I don't know yet but I have to do this and find out. I am so hurt right now bc he couldn't tell me he didn't love me and he could'nt say he didn't want me ever again. I am hurting bc i love this man so much that I would fight for him and be there for him no matter what. I pray that him not texting me will give me answers to what he really wants. I am so scared though he will start texting me again in time bc what we have just doesnt go away. He even said that. So anyone why is he doing this to me and still acting like he might still want me down the road. Why can't he just make his mind up and let me go for good. I know that this is the most painful thing I have ever been through and all I want is for us to be together bc he made the comment that it feels right being in your arms and when I kiss you. What kills me the most is knowing that him saying he is not going to text me anymore is going to kill him more than he thinks. Gosh I just want to give him everything. What do i do now?
wareagle Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 You are getting PLAYED!!! If this man meant what he said he would be with you! Like the first poster said, Cali guy once said believe what he say's 10% if the time, and believe what he does 100% of the time! His actions right now speak louder than his words no doubt! Don't be his backup plan you are better than second best! As hard as it is you need to stick to NC, move on, go out and date, have fun, don't sit around and wait for this guy to choose to be with you! That's BS!! Please don't put your life on hold waiting for this guy! He essentially has been cheating on his girlfriend with you the whole time he has been with her! First emotionally with you by keeping in contact with you, now he has been physical with you! Do you really want a guy in your life who could possibly do the same thing to you! Do you think you could trust this guy if he did come back and promise you the world? Ask yourself these questions, think long and hard about it!
sandrawg Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Thanks everyone for all the comments. Last night he wanted to see me and i told him it wasnt a good idea but he said all the things i wanted to hear. I went to see him last night at his home town. He wanted to hold me so he did for like 30min and wouldnt let go. He then kissed me and told me that he loved me. I was so confused at the moment and didn't understand why he was doing this. He told me that I was everything he wanted and truly loved me. He then stopped and said though i have to be with her and give her a chance. Let me remind you he has been with her for a year and has been texting me that whole year. He told me that when he doesnt talk to me he goes crazy and can't stand it knowing that im out there on the market. I told him that if he loves me then he needs to choose who he wants. I asked him do you want me or her? He said I don't know yet but I have to do this and find out. I am so hurt right now bc he couldn't tell me he didn't love me and he could'nt say he didn't want me ever again. I am hurting bc i love this man so much that I would fight for him and be there for him no matter what. I pray that him not texting me will give me answers to what he really wants. I am so scared though he will start texting me again in time bc what we have just doesnt go away. He even said that. So anyone why is he doing this to me and still acting like he might still want me down the road. Why can't he just make his mind up and let me go for good. I know that this is the most painful thing I have ever been through and all I want is for us to be together bc he made the comment that it feels right being in your arms and when I kiss you. What kills me the most is knowing that him saying he is not going to text me anymore is going to kill him more than he thinks. Gosh I just want to give him everything. What do i do now? You are getting hurt and you'll continue to be hurt if you let him keep playing this stupid immature game with you. Don't say we didn't warn you *rolling eyes*
sandrawg Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Hey, I have an idea. Next time you see this loser, why don't you snoop on his phone, get his GIRLFRIEND'S (and yes, she IS his girlfriend-he's been with her a YEAR) number, call her, and find out what kind of BS he is feeding her. How much do you want to bet, he has been talking smack about you, to make her think he's not interested in you? What a player. While you're at it, let her know what he's up to. You'd be doing her a BIG favor!
citizen67 Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 You love this guy sooo much - well if you get back with him, he's going to cheat on you. Try loving yourself a little
BCCA Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 As sad and confused as you are right now, Im sure its difficult to put things into perspective. Just think about if you were in his shoes. If you were him, and really loved you and wanted to be with you, wouldnt you dump this other girl and go back to you? Ive heard the same thing before, but look at the truth here, he could easily come back to you and leave this other woman if thats how he REALLY felt. Why isnt he doing that? He's having his cake and eating it too. As some one said, I'm sure hes telling this other girl that shes the one for him, and how he just feels sorry for you, etc. Now, I dont agree with contacting her, because its just not worth it in my opinion. But if you want to see how serious he is about what he says, then tell him straight up you dont want to hear from him at all unless he ends things with this other girl. The sad thing is that Ive been where you are, and I know how your feeling. Dont make it worse by letting him play with your heart. I dont really believe he has any intention of leaving this other girl for you. He just likes to have options.
Author Cartwright Posted September 1, 2008 Author Posted September 1, 2008 hey everybody thanks once again for all the advice. Sometimes in life you have to do things that you don't want to but I know that I have to let him go. I loved this man with all my heart and he still can't be with me when he says he loves me. I know im a strong and wonderful person who will find someone that will love me back the way I love them. I am just so worried that he will end up texting me down the road or I will see him on campus. He has told me goodbye before about 5months ago and said it was over over. Well 2 months later here he was texting me again saying that he can't stand not talking to me. He loved me and he will always tell me he misses me. This will be the hardest thing i will ever do and that is by walking away from him knowing that my heart beats for him. I feel like i will never feel that love again and it scares me to death. There is a movie that reminds me of how our relationship was. That movie would be the notebook. We had it all and so much more that walking away from this and giving up feels so wrong and i just don't know if I can do it. I know what is in my heart and it is telling me that I don't need to give up even though he has done me wrong. Love is a very strong and powerful thing. What can I say im in love with a man who can't be with me right now. Im trying my hardest to be strong and move on and just have fun but knowing that i can't talk to him is killing me.
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