twilight moon Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 so, i went ahead and registered after reading other posts. i go through this thing too often and i am seriously stuck. i married my husband too soon, the angle was that he lived in the uk and me in the us with my daughter. we visited a few times and decided we wanted a relationship but had a hard time. i couldn't live in england but he could come here, circumstances put us into the wedding lane. i had cold feet at my wedding and can still feel that anxiety of what the hell am i doing? i bit it and continued on and we've been going though immigration for 3 years now. he is a really nice guy, smart, spiritual and we connect in many areas that are seemingly important in a marriage, but some part of me is still regretting. i am not all that attracted to him physically and our cultural differences bother me. i often feel like hes right and im wrong about many things, even my feelings. while i know we have important things in common, there is still a lack of something. if i could change things, i wouldn't have married him and would have taken more time to get to know him, but i didnt. my fears are coming true. when he moved here, he brought his dogs. for me, this has a heavy weight in that there have been non-stop issues that leave me feeling resentful. i feel bad for having feelings like this, which is no aid to resolution. his one dog has cancer and its been very trying. we've spent thousands of dollars that we dont have on healing her, shes 12 and is now going blind. he took her to the dog opthamologist yesterday and brought home a $400 bill just to confirm that indeed shes going blind. my 40th birthday is approaching and i need warm winter boots and some dental work. i put that aside because its not in our budget really but the dog can have an eye exam. it bewilders my mind, moreso because no part of that is up to me, he knows i will decline. i am not heartless, but i have boundaries and have dealt with a lot in regard to the animal situation. i dont have pets because i cant commit to the responsibility, yet i have taken on this as a part of the yours mine and ours commitment. our other dog has serious skin disorders and it makes a stink, my blankets smell, the sofa is their domain, which also stinks and the priorities are not in any order i would consider comfortable. while this seems petty, mind you, due to immigration and work laws, its been very hard financially (i was fine on my own). last winter was the beginning of a hard depression as i couldnt find work and we were eating ramen noodles. i couldnt afford personal products that a woman needs even and things seemed detrimental, bordering unable to pay rent and eat well, he would come home with pet supplements ($60!) when i had a pending gas bill for shut off. my vent... sorry, but these things have added up and it makes me just not like him. we talk and i feel like i get talked out of my feelings. i know leaving him would crush him, and with the dog having such health issues (he cries often thinking about losing her, i understand that), the combo seems to me like i have no power in making a decision. my heart is confused because there are aspects i do love, but i am also compromising sincere aspects of my daily life, no space for myself. i wont go into the ant issues and not cleaning up, not messes, but blood and meat on the counters until i clean it (he lived with his mom before me). i am resentful and probably trying to build a case against him. if i am selfish, i think im ok with that. unfortunately, due to immigration, we have to live together, if i leave him, he'll go back to the uk, there is no trial separation alloted here. i wish.
TrustInYourself Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 Why would you be interested in a trial separation if you feel like you married for all the wrong reasons from the beginning? Well, if you want it to work, you should communicate your needs and expectations clearly and concisely. What's stopping you from being honest? Fear of conflict?
Author twilight moon Posted August 29, 2008 Author Posted August 29, 2008 i have been honest and clear. i didnt say i married for all the wrong reasons, just probably not for all the right reasons. im not sure i want it to work. thats why im here. sorting things out and getting other points of view. i am admittedly confused and my reasoning may be short sighted.
TrustInYourself Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 Did you tell him his dog is 12 years old and is going to die even if you feed it 100 dollar bills?
Author twilight moon Posted August 29, 2008 Author Posted August 29, 2008 i didn't. my feeling is that he will pay what it takes. i was just reading runrchicks post and resonate deeply with how she feels, she surely worded it better, mines complaining, but im feeling emotional and resentful at the mo. and afraid.
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