Walk Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 My parents have been married 40+ years. They seemed to hit a rough patch after my brother and I left home. My parents never went to counseling or anything like that, but they have always stressed to me and my brother that the key to their marriage is communication. Communicate what you want, what you need, how you feel about things, and then LISTEN to the other person. Set time aside to do that. That's what they consider the heart of their marriage.
Trialbyfire Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 The couples (that have children) that I see doing it successfully develop a life together where they relate to each other in a capacity beyond "Mom" and "Dad". They enjoy travel, hobbies, sports, etc. - something that is more about them as a couple than it is about them as parents. Otherwise, as the kids get older and get into their own lives, you're left staring at someone across the table that you have very little in common with... Mr. Lucky Yes, this is what my parents have been doing all along but they also have friends and interests, outside of the family and each other. You can't miss each other and have news to talk about, if you're together 24/7, 365 days a year. One person tends to consume the other, if so.
Jersey Shortie Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Well I don't have a long term marriage but i think the little wife needs to provide him with tons of porn and attractive females just so she can keep his interest in her. That's what I gather men want anyway and would make them happy.
Touche Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Ok, well I'm not advocating drinking that's for sure. But if you both don't abuse it and it makes you open up, then set aside a regular "cocktail hour." We're married 13 years. We have the best times over a drink out on the back deck or in the hot tub. That's when we really talk about things...the past, our goals (financial goals, travel goals, etc.) dreams, events of the day/week, retirement, and any "issue" between us (if there is one) etc. etc. etc. It's always a productive and satisfying time to reconnect. Your first counselor sounds terrible. Ridiculous. And granted we're not married as long as you are but I don't get what all this "work" is supposed to be about. Sure we've had to change, compromise, etc. over the years but it hasn't really been "work." I guess the key is that we both want this marriage equally as intensely. We can't imagine our lives without the other. It worries me to hear you say you think you're doing this more for your wife. That's a recipe for failure, if you ask me. You have to first decide whether you really want this. Really think about that.
Groovy Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Just don't drink if you feel angry at each other though. I am a happy drunk usually but one time I was so mad I pretty much locked my ex out of the house and went to bed. I may have handled things better if I was sober:o
hendersongirl Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 your first counsellor is an idiot - it is a myth that people had significantly shorter lifespans. life EXPECTANCY has increased dramatically because it is an average, and far fewer people die as babies. the idea that people used to die younger is part of this myth that we live in a fundamentally better, more sophisticated society now - not true. the 'dark ages' were a time of war and violence, but now we are civilised. rubbish. the last 100 years have been the bloodiest in all of history. stalin killed more people each day of his reign than the entire spanish inquisition... etc... 'til death do us part' has always meant 60-70 year marriages. the difference, imo, i that now the married partners are expected to be the whole life of each other. they used to have much more communal living and raising of families, and close friends. sorry, i cant give you any advice on your real question though!
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