Melovator Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 because this has to do with my issues post split from X ( though must point out that I am much less 'issuey' than I ever was when I was with him these days!)and because I really just like the 'voices' around these parts... and I'm hoping that some of you have got to the 'other side' can reassure me... Okay so I was doing the whole merry dating thing... pair and a spare;)... meeting some nice guys, some weirdos, some with BIG issues (like 'run to the hills' issues:eek:)...and then I meet this guy at a party fully intending on keeping on pairing and sparing... but I didn't... cause single mum, working, student, community service, friends etc etc... and well cause I like him... sounds so high school... but I like like him... Which scares the f*ckers out of me... but I keep telling myself its all cool... just feel the fear and go with it... maintain personal boundaries... be sensible etc etc... looking for things that might piss me off about him to counter-balance hormones (have found none he is a nice guy... but I'm crushing)... 'cause you know the 'r' -relationship- word makes me feel very uncomfortable :sick: ... am working on it... but this is the thing... I think I'm in one... okay yes I am in a relationship (no puking, but a reflex gag on writing)... I've told him about my issues... all being worked on but I'm still... tender... like when a scab comes off and the skin underneath is all pink still... sorry bout the imagery... He has issues... he's working on them (relationship break up with girlfriend)... I figure everyone has issues and as long as they are making a genuine effort at resolving them and are not using them as excuses for poor behaviour... He's so nice and yummy... And I'm kind of doing this back and forwards thing in my head where I'm watching myself around him and how girly, crushy and giggly I get... and I'm not giggly... I laugh... I don't giggle... and I know its all hormones and lust and... I'm trying not to freak... I'm saying all my affirmations and talking calmly to myself but I'm still like "WTF?!? What am I doing? Am I crazy? I don't need a relationship I'm too busy for this! I'm barely over my ex, I still have 'reflex' issue points!" I'm trying to figure that as long as I'm being aware of my issues and communicating when I'm experiencing one... though my attempt at "I'm kind of uncomfortable with the idea of meeting your sister" didn't work- I started gasping for air and clutching my stomach- he said "we'll put that idea on the back burner then.". He hasn't met my son yet... he's not pushing for it... I'm trying to work out how/ when/ if/ what/ where I'll be okay with that... or at least comfortable enough to do it... I'm trying not stress about it... what's the point what will be will be... but I'm still all 'aughh!' And X has twigged and has been a bit dramary around pick up times (tells me 10 am and then calls at 8.30am to say he's on his way to my place! I wasn't at my place and told him so- he got the ****s on... aughhh meantime I run into one of X's friends who he was quite close to... she said "I've only seen X a few times and her..." and she shuddered... have no clue how I feel about this I kind of feel sad for X... ) okay repeat to self "no need to freak!" As long I'm sensible it'll all be okay... errrrgggggg... and I keep telling myself that even if it does turn out that he's a complete f*cktard having been though the crap I went through with X... well I know I can get through anything... logically... emotionally my hearts kind of gibbering int he corner...
Author Melovator Posted August 30, 2008 Author Posted August 30, 2008 OKay so X called me at 2.30am last night!!! :mad: For no real reason.. his phone was stolen!! I was like "i understand it must be upsetting for you that your phone has been stolen but its the middle of the night and I'd like some sleep." His reasoning was that if something happened with our son and I needed to get a hold of him I needed an alternate number (which I actually presume is his girlfriends- yeah right like I'm going to call her phone...) I'm all aughhhy trying not to stress about new relationship and X is being all dramary- jesus! he left me for another woman, what is his freaking issue? I've told him countless times I am not his backup girl. Now I'm all tired and pissy 'cause X woke our son up when he called and wouldn't go back to sleep... And I have a uni assignment due... stress, stress, stress.... stupid X...:mad:
Gunny376 Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 Everything about your posts screams you're not ready for a full blown relationship. You've got too many irons in the fire, too many deadlines, too many obligations, trying to do too much. That one "Uea, but,...................that I see is if he's ready to take it slow, I mean really slow, I'm talking about "Maryberry ~ Sheriff Andy Taylor and Hellen Crump type slow. (Did they ever get married? ) of the Andy Griffith show.
Author Melovator Posted August 30, 2008 Author Posted August 30, 2008 Everything about your posts screams you're not ready for a full blown relationship. Yeah screaming would be the word... internally though I don't like to scream like a fishwife otherwise... I'm fine with not dating other people... and I'm fine interacting as a couple amongst our mutual group of friends... whom I came into contact with only in the last six months... and he's met some of my friends because he came to pick me up from dinner one night... but changing my facebook status? And meeting my son? or meeting his family? makes me feel erky in the stomach... and its not like I'm ashamed of him or anything (I think he's hot:o) it's just that at this point in time I'm still getting used to my life in some ways... and I'm kind of scared of the notion of being in a relationship... no rephrase... I'm scared of losing 'myself' in a relationship again like I did with X... I keep hearing from different friends "you're way more you than you ever used to be." and I don't want to lose that... I like me... quite a lot... I'm alright. You've got too many irons in the fire, too many deadlines, too many obligations, trying to do too much. uhhh yeah... that would be right! I'm just trying to set myself up for the rest of my life kind of thing... and it keeps me busy... but I can't really do too much for too long or else I just crash...so I do try to work on the me time... having some now... small break from assignment writing... That one "Uea, but,...................that I see is if he's ready to take it slow, I mean really slow, I'm talking about "Maryberry ~ Sheriff Andy Taylor and Hellen Crump type slow. (Did they ever get married? ) of the Andy Griffith show. I've said flat out "I need slow. I'm kind of freaked." and his response was reassuring "completely understand I don't want quick either." I can't afford quick in the monetary and mental health senses... but then he shut down his online dating profile and said about it "In the past I've always kept my options open for a while, I wanted to do it right this time." and part of me melts when he says it and another part goes "Jesus freaking Christ! Pressure!" :eek:
Gunny376 Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 Sounds as though you might have caught yourself a keeper, there "Hellen" just don't call him "Andy" gJust go slow, real slow! Hire a PI! Make him work "for it!" The HOTTEST THING a woman ever said to me while pushing me away? "IT DOESN'T COME THAT EASY, MISTER! YOU'VE GOT TO WANT IT, EARN IT, NEED IT, WORK FOR IT!!!!!!!! :laugh::cool: That just drove me crazy in lusting her! Relishing her! Desiring her! Ravishing her!
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