Alma Mobley Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 I must have missed those posts too -- 5 months in and obsessed with marriage...? I have seen a few of her threads where it does seem as though her bf gives her mixed signals.
Star Gazer Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Actually, it started only 4 months in: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t106266/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t109120/ Then at 5 months: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t110708/ This has been an obsession from the outset of their relationship...
Author Lauriebell82 Posted September 1, 2008 Author Posted September 1, 2008 I must have missed those posts too -- 5 months in and obsessed with marriage...? I have seen a few of her threads where it does seem as though her bf gives her mixed signals. I don't think it's bad to just TALK about the possiblity of marriage one day if you love the person. Yes, it's too soon to get married or engaged, but I just wanted to talk about it at 5 months. I don't think a certain number of months should put a limit on just talking about things if the relationship is serious (and it was serious). But anyway, when I don't agonize over the whole thing I'm fine. So I'm really trying to do that right now. Just concentrate on the here and now. I haven't thought about it all that much this weekend, so I'm feeling better. Next weekend is our 2 year anniversary and I am so excited and looking forward to that. When it happens, it happens. I have a deadline, and am prepared. So that is what Im going on right now.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted September 1, 2008 Author Posted September 1, 2008 Actually, it started only 4 months in: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t106266/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t109120/ Then at 5 months: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t110708/ This has been an obsession from the outset of their relationship... Oh, can it.
Star Gazer Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 I think you need to go back and re-read your old threads. You wanted to KNOW whether he wanted to marry you. "i would like some indication that he would possibly want to marry me someday"
Star Gazer Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Oh, can it. Why? You agreed that you were obsessed, did you not?
Author Lauriebell82 Posted September 1, 2008 Author Posted September 1, 2008 I think you need to go back and re-read your old threads. You wanted to KNOW whether he wanted to marry you. "i would like some indication that he would possibly want to marry me someday" Okay, so....
Alma Mobley Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 LB, thank you for responding. Do you mean you guys talked about marriage in the general sense (as in "I want to get married some day" as opposed to "I never will marry") after five months?
Author Lauriebell82 Posted September 1, 2008 Author Posted September 1, 2008 LB, thank you for responding. Do you mean you guys talked about marriage in the general sense (as in "I want to get married some day" as opposed to "I never will marry") after five months? Yeah, in the general sense. I did want to know whether or not marriage would be in our future one day. I wasted 2.5 years of my life in a relationship that didn't go anywhere, I wasn't about to do it again.
Star Gazer Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Okay, so.... So...?? You're the one admitting to be marriage-obsessed in one breath: Yeah, you are right. I'm starting to think it was just from my relationship with my ex, that left me with this obsession. ...and then telling us to shut up about it in another. You weren't just looking to know whether your BF was a marriage-minded person in general. You wanted an indication, at just 5 months, that he saw himself marrying YOU. I'll never understand your passive-aggressive ways, LB.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted September 1, 2008 Author Posted September 1, 2008 So...?? You're the one admitting to be marriage-obsessed in one breath: ...and then telling us to shut up about it in another. I'll never understand your passive-aggressive ways, LB. I don't understand what your point is. I already admitted that I do have marriage on the brain. What I don't need is people shoving it down my throat.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted September 1, 2008 Author Posted September 1, 2008 You weren't just looking to know whether your BF was a marriage-minded person in general. You wanted an indication, at just 5 months, that he saw himself marrying YOU. It was actually both.
Alma Mobley Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Yeah, in the general sense. I did want to know whether or not marriage would be in our future one day. I wasted 2.5 years of my life in a relationship that didn't go anywhere, I wasn't about to do it again. Okay, I understand that then, as you have to ascertain the intentions. I don't think that is weird at all. If you are out there and dating seriously, you have to know what the other person is looking for. Some people are looking for flings, others for LTRs that dead-end, and others are looking for marriage. Nothing wrong with finding out early on what one is looking for. Is that what you mean?
Star Gazer Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 I don't understand what your point is. I already admitted that I do have marriage on the brain. What I don't need is people shoving it down my throat. If you READ what I wrote, I wasn't shoving it down your throat, I was clarifying for AM and Walk. It was actually both. Not based on what you wrote at the time...and ever since.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted September 1, 2008 Author Posted September 1, 2008 Okay, I understand that then, as you have to ascertain the intentions. I don't think that is weird at all. If you are out there and dating seriously, you have to know what the other person is looking for. Some people are looking for flings, others for LTRs that dead-end, and others are looking for marriage. Nothing wrong with finding out early on what one is looking for. Is that what you mean? Yes, I did want some indication that WE were moving towards that too. I wasn't asking him for a proposal or anything, just that he may be interested in doing that someday. And I didn't even think 5 months was too soon, we were already very serious.
Walk Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 -------------------------------------------------------- Thread 1.) after he told me he loved me he started talking about a future and marriage and stuff. now he has just stopped talking about it. he'll refer to his future wife in a genertic sense but he doesnt talk about the future (like marriage future) anymore. Thread 2.) we have discussed having a future together but we havnt really talked a whole lot about marriage and stuff. Thread 3.) when we first started getting more serious (falling in love) we talked about what would happen if we got married and stuff. whenever i start talking about marriage and stuff and weddings he by passes the subject and changes it. ------------------------------------------------------------- I do see a very common theme in her threads back then. She was questioning why a man who HAD talked about marriage as a possibility in the future, suddenly STOPPED talking about marriage as a possibility with her. What's wrong with questioning that?
Alma Mobley Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Yes, I did want some indication that WE were moving towards that too. I wasn't asking him for a proposal or anything, just that he may be interested in doing that someday. And I didn't even think 5 months was too soon, we were already very serious. Wait -- did you want some indication after five months that he was wanting a relationship that moved towards marriage, or that YOU wanted a relationship that moved towards marriage? I ask this because I try to ascertain a man's "intentions" (old-fashioned word, eh?) fairly early on, but after that never insert myself into those "intentions."
Author Lauriebell82 Posted September 1, 2008 Author Posted September 1, 2008 Wait -- did you want some indication after five months that he was wanting a relationship that moved towards marriage, or that YOU wanted a relationship that moved towards marriage? I ask this because I try to ascertain a man's "intentions" (old-fashioned word, eh?) fairly early on, but after that never insert myself into those "intentions." Him. We did talk about what we both wanted though, I said I wanted to get married someday too. So we had both made that real clear. We actually even talked about everything that we would want for our future (kids, jobs, house, ect). He would actually ask ME questions about that. There has been no absense of talking about the future, but prior to the last like 4-5 months he would talk about how he wanted to get married and have kids and even more in detail then that. What freaked him out was when he started thinking about it actually happening (like the two of us), which is what gives me mixed signals.
Star Gazer Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 What's wrong with questioning that? I imagine because MOST people talk about marriage in a GENERAL sense, and don't expect the other person (LB in this case) to assume it means to THEM. I have a very strong feeling that LB turned their general marriage-discussions (e.g., BF saying casually, "I really don't see myself getting married [meaning TO ANYONE] until after I pass the CPA exam") into more-specific conversations ("Okay, so WE will get married to EACH OTHER after the CPA exam") which FREAKED HIM OUT so he avoided the subject entirely from that point forward to avoid the marriage obsession.
Walk Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 I imagine because MOST people talk about marriage in a GENERAL sense, and don't expect the other person (LB in this case) to assume it means to THEM. I have a very strong feeling that LB turned their general marriage-discussions (e.g., BF saying casually, "I really don't see myself getting married [meaning TO ANYONE] until after I pass the CPA exam") into more-specific conversations ("Okay, so WE will get married to EACH OTHER after the CPA exam") which FREAKED HIM OUT so he avoided the subject entirely from that point forward to avoid the marriage obsession. Why wouldn't she assume "with her". He did claim he loved her and was exclusive with her.
Star Gazer Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Him. We did talk about what we both wanted though, I said I wanted to get married someday too. So we had both made that real clear. We actually even talked about everything that we would want for our future (kids, jobs, house, ect). He would actually ask ME questions about that. There has been no absense of talking about the future, but prior to the last like 4-5 months he would talk about how he wanted to get married and have kids and even more in detail then that. What freaked him out was when he started thinking about it actually happening (like the two of us), which is what gives me mixed signals. PRECISELY MY POINT. I don't think there are mixed signals at all here. Just wishful thinking on your part. Ya know what? I want to get married and have two children and live in a 5 bedroom house in a certain part of town. I'd like to get married on Maui. I want to travel the world with my H before poppin' out my first kiddo. I feel comfortable telling almost anyone these things, that doesn't mean that I want to marry THEM or have babies with THEM. Same goes for your BF. Your BF spoke generally about HIS PERSONAL desires for HIMSELF, and you ASSUMED that meant that he was talking about his future with YOU. Once you made it clear to him that you were assuming he was in fact talking about YOU, it freaked him out because that is NOT what he was doing/thinking at all. He was speaking in the GENERAL sense. To get you off track, throw you off the marriage scent, he just removed the subject from from your conversations entirely.
Star Gazer Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Why wouldn't she assume "with her". He did claim he loved her and was exclusive with her. Because of the context. They started talking about marriage IN GENERAL very, very early on. I certainly would never assume a guy was talking about ME when he says things like "I want to live here, I want this many kids, I want this type of wedding..." It's just not reasonable.
Alma Mobley Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 LB, How soon into your relationship did you talk about marriage, the future, the kids, etc? Just curious. Also, how old are the two of you? I did read your past threads, but that detail escaped me! I have a bad memory.
Star Gazer Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 LB, How soon into your relationship did you talk about marriage, the future, the kids, etc? Just curious. 4 months!!! And as soon as she made it them-specific, he stopped talking about it. That's why I'm even more convinced that he was speaking GENERALLY.
Star Gazer Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 There's some old adage out there that says a guy will marry the girl he's with when he has his "ah ha!" moment that he's READY for marriage. She's already had that moment - 1.5 years ago. LB just needs to chill out and wait for HIS "ah ha!" moment to happen.
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