jerbear Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 I agree. A promise ring isn't anything more than a promise...to promise. That's just silly, and would flatly ask what he meant by that. I've gave promise rings when I was younger and usually within 6 months but not after 2 years. 2 years usually implies moving forward. Was there another thread about him, sex acts, and unprotected sex? Pretty much you felt pressure and he was pushing your boundaries. You ended up going through with everything and seemed to enjoy it. $400 for a promise ring at 2 years and both of you are in the mid-20's is kinda weak.
Touche Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 Also, this forum. I doubt the bf comes to this forum and reads her threads. If I had a bf he'd know every little thing I post online. No secrets. (Even Denver guy has read my threads here.) I agree. I'm not perfect and have made mistakes in that area. You really have to be an "open book" in order to have things be the way they should be. And I'm not saying you should spill every private thought you have. No one does that. But about the important stuff (and this is one of them) yes. You should be talking openly.
Lishy Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 I do not agree that you should let your other half read your threads, or even know you post here. You come here to discuss private thoughts and get advice, a bit like talking to your friend about it. There is no need to share every detail with a man - Men throw it back in your face anyway!
Kamille Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 I agree. I'm not perfect and have made mistakes in that area. You really have to be an "open book" in order to have things be the way they should be. And I'm not saying you should spill every private thought you have. No one does that. But about the important stuff (and this is one of them) yes. You should be talking openly. I think Lauriebell believes that men, or at least her man, scare easy. That they don't want commitment and a family the same way women do. I never want to be with a man who scares easy ever again. I have sensitive feet and I can't stand the eggshells.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted August 29, 2008 Author Posted August 29, 2008 Hey everyone thanks for the advice. I actually asked my boyfriend why he asked me if I wanted a ring and took me ring shopping. He told me that all along he was going to get me earings, he just thought having me try on rings would make me happy since I had been sick all week. And he told me he knew I wanted a ring. So to that I told him that I would rather him get me an engagement ring and propose when he is ready to do so then give me some birthstone ring. He also said that he figured I really wanted one since I pushed for it last year. I told him that I did want it last year but now we are living together and moving forward in our relationship, therefore an engagement ring was something that would mean something to me. We did have a really good talk, he said he was sorry if there was any confusion and he could understand why I wouldn't want a ring that didn't have a meaning behind it. He's not ready to propose, that's okay. He knows I want to get ready, so when he's ready I'll ask him. I really do think he's a little "gunshy" maybe just due to lack of relationship experience. Engagement is a whole different ballgame for him I think. The earings are honestly beautiful, so I will be so happy when he gives them to me.
Lishy Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 I dont know if I am just old fashioned LB, but are you supposed to tell a man that you want him to propose?
Author Lauriebell82 Posted August 29, 2008 Author Posted August 29, 2008 I think Lauriebell believes that men, or at least her man, scare easy. That they don't want commitment and a family the same way women do. I never want to be with a man who scares easy ever again. I have sensitive feet and I can't stand the eggshells. I don't know if its "scare easy." I think it's more that I have seen my friends go through hell with men who won't committ to them (my one friend has a baby with her boyfriend of 5 years and he won't ask her to marry him) so I suppose I'm just terrified that I will end up wasting my time in a relationship that isn't going to go anywhere. That paired with the fact that my bf is so "wish washy" when it comes to committment that I agonize over engagement much more than I should be doing.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted August 29, 2008 Author Posted August 29, 2008 I dont know if I am just old fashioned LB, but are you supposed to tell a man that you want him to propose? what do you mean?
Star Gazer Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 I still don't understand why LB won't let her BF get her what he wants to get her. Instead, it's like, "This is what I want. Get it for me or face a fight!" Now: "He knows I want earrings." Before: "He knows I wanted a ring."
Lishy Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 I think LB that you believe a ring will make everything perfect and without even realising you are putting him under immense pressure. Be careful what you wish for honey
Author Lauriebell82 Posted August 29, 2008 Author Posted August 29, 2008 I still don't understand why LB won't let her BF get her what he wants to get her. Instead, it's like, "This is what I want. Get it for me or face a fight!" Now: "He knows I want earrings." Before: "He knows I wanted a ring." He asked me what I wanted for our anniversary and I told him. Therefore he does know that it is that I want. We always ask each other what we want for presents, that's just what we have always done.
Lishy Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 what do you mean? Well I have never married nor got engaged (but have been proposed to twice, both I turned down) so I am not sure BUT I thought a proposal was something a guy did when he wanted to marry and not something you disucuss and pressurise your other half into?
Author Lauriebell82 Posted August 29, 2008 Author Posted August 29, 2008 Well I have never married nor got engaged (but have been proposed to twice, both I turned down) so I am not sure BUT I thought a proposal was something a guy did when he wanted to marry and not something you disucuss and pressurise your other half into? We don't really discuss engagement/proposals. We have discussed a wedding and a future, but never have I told him to propose to me. I told him I wanted to marry him, that doesn't mean that I told him he HAD to want to marry me.
Star Gazer Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 He asked me what I wanted for our anniversary and I told him. Therefore he does know that it is that I want. We always ask each other what we want for presents, that's just what we have always done. I guess I'm referring to how bent out of shape you got during Christmas because he dared get you a jewelry BOX instead of actual jewelry...because that's what you wanted and he knew it.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted August 29, 2008 Author Posted August 29, 2008 I guess I'm referring to how bent out of shape you got during Christmas because he dared get you a jewelry BOX instead of actual jewelry...because that's what you wanted and he knew it. Yeah, I was an idiot. I realized how dumb I was being. He told me the reason he didn't buy me the ring was for the same reason he is telling me it now. I can acknowledge that i sound like that "he knows what I want" type thing, but he does and has already said he will get it, so there isn't really a huge issue there.
Lishy Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 We don't really discuss engagement/proposals. We have discussed a wedding and a future, but never have I told him to propose to me. I told him I wanted to marry him, that doesn't mean that I told him he HAD to want to marry me. Ahhhhh ok hon I thought you told him that you wanted him to propose when he is ready. my bad Also I did not mean that in a nasty way, I really hope it all works out for you and would be so happy for you if he did propose and get you that lovely ring you showed me. I am not against you at all I just wanted to make sure you are not adding pressure to him as that never works
LionLover Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 Maybe he's just not ready for marriage yet or maybe he's unsure if he's found the right person to do that with. I would think a guy is more likely to meet that person (be open to it) once he's in that marrying mindset. So, maybe he's not in that mindset yet or maybe he's not ready for it w/you. But when/if he's truly ready to cement that bond, he'll be willing to work w/you to resolve whatever problems the two of you are having to get from A to B. Doesn't mean he'll never experience any doubts but at the end of the day he'll realize his RL is a priority & whatever discomfort he may have in order to work out the "kinks", will be worth it to him.
Ariadne Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 Also, Notice how in this relationship everything is a big drama. Drama the friends stayover, drama he went out with his guy friend, drama the ring...etc.
Lishy Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 Also, Notice how in this relationship everything is a big drama. Drama the friends stayover, drama he went out with his guy friend, drama the ring...etc. A, you really should not judge you know - At least her drama is in a real life relationship and not one created in her head!
Kamille Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 Laurie, I think it would help if you were honest with yourself. YES you want an engagement ring. The question is: why?
Touche Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 What does this mean? He's not ready to propose, that's okay. He knows I want to get ready, so when he's ready I'll ask him What does that last part mean? You'll propose when he's ready? I'm confused.
Touche Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 A, you really should not judge you know - At least her drama is in a real life relationship and not one created in her head! oh and...we ALL judge Lishy. Not to be mean but when LB posted that thread not so long ago convinced that she was about to be engaged, I knew otherwise. But I still wished her well.
Star Gazer Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 Also I did not mean that in a nasty way, I really hope it all works out for you and would be so happy for you if he did propose and get you that lovely ring you showed me. LB already has a ring picked out? Why am I not surprised? And I agree with Ariadne...everything is always a big drama in this relationship. Should it ever be this hard, this much continuing drama? I know I'm not in a perfect relationship, but that's what everyone always says...
Ariadne Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 A, you really should not judge you know - At least her drama is in a real life relationship and not one created in her head! I don't judge anybody. That was simply an observation.
Nevermind Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 Hey everyone thanks for the advice. I actually asked my boyfriend why he asked me if I wanted a ring and took me ring shopping. He told me that all along he was going to get me earings, he just thought having me try on rings would make me happy since I had been sick all week. And he told me he knew I wanted a ring. So to that I told him that I would rather him get me an engagement ring and propose when he is ready to do so then give me some birthstone ring. He also said that he figured I really wanted one since I pushed for it last year. I told him that I did want it last year but now we are living together and moving forward in our relationship, therefore an engagement ring was something that would mean something to me. See the bold part...didn't anybody notice? My BSometer went right off. This is, sorry to be blunt, ridiculous. How is trying on rings making you feel great? And how is pretending to buy something and not having the intention to pull through a nice gesture? BS!
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