Alma Mobley Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Hm, I am thinking I should refrain on my opinion. I will say I think your boyfriend has given you mixed signals, which is not fair of him. His weird obsession with money would bother me as well. I hope you have worked that one out -- my stepfather has that problem so I know how it can be. Good luck, LB
Lishy Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Good point. Wow Star, the jealousy you have for LB is still extremely evident! I really feel that you adore putting her down and really do not have her best interests at heart at all:confused: That is quite sad really and topped with you going back nearly 2 years to throw her other posts in her face! That is just .... weird! For a woman dating so many men I am shocked you had the time to do all that research!
Nevermind Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 I didn't see the going back to old threads as an attack. When a poster has many threads on one problem, I go back and reread on his posting history. To get a bigger picture and evaluate the situation. IMO, Star did the same and shared what she found. LB has been talking marriage very early on, which is also why she is getting more and more frustrated about getting no proposal. This relationship has been going on for 2 years. A proposal at that point would be acceptable but is nowhere near overdue. Pointing out the dynamics of LB's constant wondering about marriage and rings can help LB break those thought patterns.
Touche Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Wow Star, the jealousy you have for LB is still extremely evident! I really feel that you adore putting her down and really do not have her best interests at heart at all:confused: That is quite sad really and topped with you going back nearly 2 years to throw her other posts in her face! That is just .... weird! For a woman dating so many men I am shocked you had the time to do all that research! But SG was saying "good point" to MY comment. And I really was trying to make the point that LB IS still single. I'd like to her think that if she doesn't end up marrying this guy, it's not the end of the world. She's still single and young and can meet the right guy, willing to make a commitment. I'm not seeing jealousy here. Am I jealous too? Because I agree with a lot of what SG says here. And I happen to think those pasts posts are highly relevant to what is going on with LB NOW. It would help her to re-examine those. I'm not getting why this is being made into something personal. I mean I know that I come off as maybe a bit harsh with LB sometimes. But I truly wish her well. I don't want to see her make a mistake or make herself miserable. I've always said that I think she's a sweet girl. And I'd advise any daughter I had (and she IS young enough to be my daughter) just as I've advised her here. SG's advice often mirrors my own and vice versa. Are my motives also suspect? And besides, even if you questions someone's motives...good, sound advice is still just that.
Lishy Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 That is all fair and fine NM, but Star has her own agenda, and she knows it!
Touche Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 That is all fair and fine NM, but Star has her own agenda, and she knows it! But even is she did (not saying she does) as I said, what difference does it make? Good advice is still good sound advice regardless of any personal agenda...if there is indeed one.
Ariadne Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 That is all fair and fine NM, but Star has her own agenda, and she knows it! Yeah, Why is Star posting so much in LB's threads? Is like she is LB's doctor and jumps here after every single post anyone makes.
Star Gazer Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Wow Star, the jealousy you have for LB is still extremely evident! I really feel that you adore putting her down and really do not have her best interests at heart at all:confused: That is quite sad really and topped with you going back nearly 2 years to throw her other posts in her face! That is just .... weird! Get off your high horse. I'm not putting her down at ALL. I was merely laughing at T's point that not marriI'm not even the one who first addressed the 4-5 month thing. I only went and got them for AM's ease and reference. For a woman dating so many men I am shocked you had the time to do all that research! Research? How hard is it to click on "Find all threads started by this poster"?? Again, I'm not even the one who started the entire discussion about when her obsession (which YOU AGREED WITH) began. I may have jumped on the bandwagon, but I hardly started the whole thing. Jeeez.
Star Gazer Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 I didn't see the going back to old threads as an attack. When a poster has many threads on one problem, I go back and reread on his posting history. To get a bigger picture and evaluate the situation. IMO, Star did the same and shared what she found. LB has been talking marriage very early on, which is also why she is getting more and more frustrated about getting no proposal. This relationship has been going on for 2 years. A proposal at that point would be acceptable but is nowhere near overdue. Pointing out the dynamics of LB's constant wondering about marriage and rings can help LB break those thought patterns. Precisely. And Lishy acts as if she doesn't drudge up MY past when posting in my threads. One of the first things I do with almost every poster is read up on their history - their situation can NEVER be read in a vacuum of one thread. But SG was saying "good point" to MY comment. And I really was trying to make the point that LB IS still single. That I was. Had nothing to do with LB personally. But as usual, Lishy assumed it did. I'm not seeing jealousy here. Am I jealous too? Because I agree with a lot of what SG says here. And I happen to think those pasts posts are highly relevant to what is going on with LB NOW. SG's advice often mirrors my own and vice versa. Are my motives also suspect? Apparently everyone of us BUT Lishy and Grn are jealous, if questioning LB's behavior means one is jealous. Actually, even Lishy would be jealous if that were true. ALL of our motives are suspect. I'm not getting why this is being made into something personal. I do. It's Lishy. She always makes it personal. Always.
Lishy Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 What I find outstanding is that Star was banned for her treatment of LB, so why is she so bothered about helping her? That's right ....... SHE ISN'T! She just loves to put her down and make her feel bad and the only reason I can think of for that is jealousy!
Star Gazer Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 What I find outstanding is that Star was banned for her treatment of LB, so why is she so bothered about helping her? That's right ....... SHE ISN'T! She just loves to put her down and make her feel bad and the only reason I can think of for that is jealousy! I was???? News to me. But YOU were for your treatment of ME. And I couldn't be LESS jealous. I simply post in LB's threads more than others because she's so prolific herself. The others/newbies I don't know as much about.
Lishy Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 I was???? News to me. But YOU were for your treatment of ME. And I couldn't be LESS jealous. I simply post in LB's threads more than others because she's so prolific herself. The others/newbies I don't know as much about. No, you post in her threads to demean her and put her down - It is not what you say, it is HOW you say it! You are obsessed with the girl and when she replies to one of your posts with helpful advice you demean her again! Not a nice trait!
sunshinegirl Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 LB, what do you love about your BF? I don't think I've ever heard you describe what makes him so special and why you love him so much. Why do you want to marry HIM?
Shygirl15 Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Yeah, Why is Star posting so much in LB's threads? Is like she is LB's doctor and jumps here after every single post anyone makes. Not taking sides, but I didn't know there's a limit to how much someone can post in one's thread. Please, let's not make this whole issue personal, can we? It's very clear that LB has been posting several confusing statements, sometimes even contradicting herself with her very own previous statements.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted September 1, 2008 Author Posted September 1, 2008 LB, what do you love about your BF? I don't think I've ever heard you describe what makes him so special and why you love him so much. Why do you want to marry HIM? YES, thank you for changing the subject sunshinegirl! What I love about my boyfriend is that he is sweet and kind. He loves sports and athletics, which is so great because we have a great time when we are doing those types of things together. He knows I get upset easily, so he is always willing to help calm me down or talk about things. He is very generous with me, as I am with him. We have so much in common, and we have such a wonderful time together when we are both having fun and are just enjoying each other's company. I have never had that with any other guy, and I would not trade it for anything! He is really wonderful with children. I see him with his nephew and I know that he will make the most amazing dad. He is very smart and will have a good steady career that will help make him a good husband. His family is so wonderful, I just love his mom. He had a good childhood and upbringing, so it's nice that I get along so well with his family. He is responsible, and he makes good decisions. He will make a very good husband, and I love him very much. I can't imagine my life without him. That's what I love about him.
Lishy Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 And where do you hope to see yourself in 5 years time LB?
Author Lauriebell82 Posted September 1, 2008 Author Posted September 1, 2008 And where do you hope to see yourself in 5 years time LB? 5 years, that would put me at about 30 years old. I will have my professional counseling liscense by then so I can get a better job. I hope to see myself married and maybe having my first child around that time. (I want 2). I would like to live in a small town someday to raise a family, because I grew up in one. I hope to have bought a house and have some nice friends. I want to stay close with my family, even if they live far away by then. Most of all I just want to be happy.
Star Gazer Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 YES, thank you for changing the subject sunshinegirl! What I love about my boyfriend is that he is sweet and kind. He loves sports and athletics, which is so great because we have a great time when we are doing those types of things together. He knows I get upset easily, so he is always willing to help calm me down or talk about things. He is very generous with me, as I am with him. We have so much in common, and we have such a wonderful time together when we are both having fun and are just enjoying each other's company. I have never had that with any other guy, and I would not trade it for anything! He is really wonderful with children. I see him with his nephew and I know that he will make the most amazing dad. He is very smart and will have a good steady career that will help make him a good husband. His family is so wonderful, I just love his mom. He had a good childhood and upbringing, so it's nice that I get along so well with his family. He is responsible, and he makes good decisions. He will make a very good husband, and I love him very much. I can't imagine my life without him. That's what I love about him. This is all awesome stuff. But when you say you haven't had this stuff with any other guy... you really haven't had much other relationship experience other than him and your ef-BF, right? I mean, high school does NOT count. Not trying to devalue what your BF is - I've always thought he sounded like a great guy... but it really shouldn't be guy-centered, should it? One thing I think is important to consider isn't necessarily what you love about "the guy" (your BF), but your relationship. What is it about the relationship that you love? Perhaps that will help you have more patience, to appreciate the relationship that you already have.
climbergirl Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Not taking sides, but I didn't know there's a limit to how much someone can post in one's thread. Please, let's not make this whole issue personal, can we? It's very clear that LB has been posting several confusing statements, sometimes even contradicting herself with her very own previous statements. While I'll agree that we shouldn't make this whole issue personal, it is hard to see someone make personal digs at another and laugh at their expense. I haven't been an active participant on this thread, so I consider mine to be an objective opinion. The majortity of the time, contradictory thoughts are what compells LS readers to post a thread asking for advice. Confusion is part of the equation.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted September 1, 2008 Author Posted September 1, 2008 This is all awesome stuff. But when you say you haven't had this stuff with any other guy... you really haven't had much other relationship experience other than him and your ef-BF, right? I mean, high school does NOT count. Not trying to devalue what your BF is - I've always thought he sounded like a great guy... but it really shouldn't be guy-centered, should it? One thing I think it's important to consider isn't necessarily what you love about "the guy" (your BF), but your relationship. What is it about the relationship that you love? Perhaps that will help you have more patience, to appreciate the relationship that you already have. Yeah, I guess you are right, I have only really had the two relationships since I was 20. To tell you the truth, I have never been the whole "casual multi-dater" type person. I always preferred to have a relationship as opposed to just playing the field. Not that I have any problem being single, the year I was single after breaking up with my ex I got to do a lot of things for myself that have helped me out. Our relationship is special. We have a lot of good times together. Like I said we like to do all the same kinds of things, so we have such a great time when we are together. We get along fairly well, we have our fights but we always work them out. We have been able to work out some issues in our relationship in order to make it a better one. I think we have a strong relationship, which I think will get us through some stressful times in our lives. So like you said SG, when I think about that, I wouldn't WANT to trade my relationship for some guy who wants to get married right now. Because those are the things I love about us, and you are right that maybe if I think about it like that I will be able to have more patience. Thanks.
Star Gazer Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 See, I'm not some big bad guy. A fresh perspective can work wonders. Just focus on how happy you already are in the relationship and what it adds to your life, and I bet your patience will grow ten-fold.
Lishy Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 What you really need to do is work out why you have the marriage obsession and why you are not just happy being happy and what will be will be! You cannot predict or decide your future, just be happy as you are and you will see things far more clearly
LionLover Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 I am sure the OP appreciates the relationship she already has now, but why is it so hard for some to understand that she loves her BF & wants to marry him? Not everyone "needs" marriage in order to feel secure in their current relationship & not everyone "needs" marriage, in order to solidify their commitment to each other. She does & that's her choice, that's HER decision. No one has to agree with it. The one who does have to agree with it, is her BF. Evidently, she is more then willing to do whatever it takes to get from point A to point B with THIS man, so obviously she is committed to him. I don't think she is wrong to want to take that commitment a step further & for wanting her BF to feel the same, with HER. Either he will, or he won't and it is for her to decide whether or not that time will ever come & whether or not his decision, is something she can live with.
Walk Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 I've been trying to figure out why women sometimes get stuck on wanting marriage so much. I've fallen into that trap in this relationship. I couldn't rationalize it, couldn't frame it into something logical. And I consider myself pretty adept at digging into the "why's" for my feelings.. er.. most the time, yet still I wanted marriage to this man and I had no solid logical facts for why. Having said that... I'm curious, LB, why you want marriage specifically to your bf? Knowing that marriage no longer provides long term security in this day and age, and it no longer ensures monogomy, what other reasons would you say you have for wanting marriage with such desire? I never could frame a decent response to the question... and I'd really like to hear what you have to say on the matter. (If you feel safe enough to share that information on here that is)
Author Lauriebell82 Posted September 2, 2008 Author Posted September 2, 2008 I've been trying to figure out why women sometimes get stuck on wanting marriage so much. I've fallen into that trap in this relationship. I couldn't rationalize it, couldn't frame it into something logical. And I consider myself pretty adept at digging into the "why's" for my feelings.. er.. most the time, yet still I wanted marriage to this man and I had no solid logical facts for why. Having said that... I'm curious, LB, why you want marriage specifically to your bf? Knowing that marriage no longer provides long term security in this day and age, and it no longer ensures monogomy, what other reasons would you say you have for wanting marriage with such desire? I never could frame a decent response to the question... and I'd really like to hear what you have to say on the matter. (If you feel safe enough to share that information on here that is) Well, like I responded to SG, the reasons I want to marry my boyfriend are: a)I love him b)He will be a wonderful husband/father c)I truely believe we are compatible I realize that marriage doesn't provide much more security as dating does, as everyone and their mother appears to be getting divorced these days. We both agree that divorce is not something either of us wants, therefore we have talked about ways to work out problems when they come up, and how to deal with situations that may effect our relationship. I think my main motivation for marriage in general, is that I want to share my life with someone and have a family. Having the values that I do, I wish to have childen only through marriage as well. I don't even know how to describe it. I can't imagine my life without him, and I want to be devoted to him. Like SG suggested, I think I do need to just try to have patience and enjoy the relationship. I am much happier when I don't obsess over when he is going to propose. In my defense though, he DOES tend to add fuel to the fire by dropping little hints. Like yesterday he saw Jared's jewelry store and said that maybe he should look at other jewelry stores besides Kays for me for jewelry. And he already told me my present for our anniversary was earings, and yesterday he asked me if I looked for the present and I said "no, I already know what it is though." And he said "Well maybe you don't, maybe I lied about what I got you." (I suppose that's a possiblity, but come on). So maybe I am reading too much into those things, but it's hard for me to not obsess over it when he drops odd hints like that. If he isn't ready to get married then fine, but I wish he wouldn't add fuel to the fire.
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