Exl Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 Hey all. Just wanting a quick opinion on something that just happened. Sorry it is a little long but if you want to skip the background you can go straight to a little below half of my post for the real stuff. A little background: Have met this girl 8 years ago and recently found each other again through the internet by pure accident. She lives 100 miles away nowadays. We hit it off over the internet pretty much at that moment. It was almost 2 months ago. A lot of attraction, flirting, chemistry... Felt really nice. We managed to get together once in that time and felt exactly the same as we did online. I really felt no difference or had pre-conceived ideas of any her clash with her real self. Flirty, attraction, very strong eye contact (we even got in a 1 hour very deep conversation with our eyes glued on each other), casual touching.. You get the picture. Nothing happened that day but due to some circunstances it was difficult. If there was some chance I wasn't confortable going for it because she was among a lot of people that could know her (she lives in a small village), and that could only have happened during our eye-to-eye conversation. I am a smart and intelligent guy. I'm rather good looking. I'm successful on some points. We're both in your mid/late 20s. I can easily notice attraction and can be an extremely smart flirter. I ain't a shy guy, I know what I want, she knows that, I have an impressive confidence + an excellent empathy. I can read her very well (her personality traits and stuff) and noticed some stuff to the point that she may have wondered if I could have actually read her mind. We are very compatible, I would say. She knows I'm generally considered an attractive guy (and she has also "hinted" she thinks I am) and she knows I do get some girls often interested in me, but usually I don't let them get too close. I have an intelligent sense of humor and can make girls feel very at ease around me. I'm a good conversationalist too, people don't get bored around me, without me needing to be the center of the attention, I just handle conversations really well. I regularly hang out with girls (though I have no interest, just good friendships) too, and let her know like if it's no big deal (it isn't coz I'm usually really not interested - especially since I met her) also because I sometimes talk about them as friends (which they are!). Well I'm recently out of a long-term relationship with an extremely beautiful girl, the kind of girl that makes 95% of the guys TURN around. As for her, she seems to be (not so recent though) to still be going to some very late post-relationship stuff. She's a regular cute girl with a lot of charms and good humor, which I really liked. Although clearly, deep down, extremely insecure and indecisive. I just like her the way she is, although she does seem to be far from perfect in many issues. But aren't we all? We can ideally only meet up in a weekend, because of work and all. We do have our lives or scheduled stuff so we haven't had many common free weekends. Next window of opportunity is 1 week away, then I'll be busy for a few weekends again. I'm free that weekend and she knows it. I am hoping she can return the visit by then. Well, we've been had ups and downs (She seems like a very fragile person and can be hard to reach at some days. Even by her best friend. I do think she was diagnosed and treated to bipolar-ish moods many years ago - and I know TRUE bipolar people and while I recognize the pattern in her, it isn't too serious of a case, I would consider it to be a "mild" case, but it does affect her moods) but usually when we DO get talking (I always try not to seem to anxious when we can't or don't or she's just dodgy or feeling down)... It's pretty much always on the flirty/nice/sweet/positive levels. We really get along very well. Alright. It's been too long. The distance and the amount of time (plus her moods' ups and downs who actually take some time and backsteps too) are making this take too long. Not that I am overanxious or needy, but I just feel things are settling too much at this point (mostly IM and phone) and we may get bored and lose interest. I wouldn't like that! There's a tension to not-moving-anywhere-for-some-time clearly building on both ends so I decided to step up a level so interest can get a little renewed (until we actually meet again in person). Until now I usually left mild hints I found her attractive, etc, even slightly sexual and more at some points, and I mostly get the same-level kind of stuff for a reply. Not very explicit nor too vague. Just there. So I carefully started upping it up a level. Playfully making her know I think she's cute.. A little more upfront, basically, without being TOO direct. I want to keep any directness to a later face-to-face and hopefully not having to be verbal. I like the flirting and tension and all that. Wouldn't want to ruin it later by having advanced too much online. Well we were casually discussing something about her cousins and she asks me if I think any of them is goodlooking, so I go "hmm yeah, you are" and she goes "I'm not any of MY cousins". Well you get the idea. She was liking it although I kept avoiding her question about the cousins. Even got as bold as to tell her, playfully "Yes, maybe there is some cute cousin, who knows. But I ain't talking about that because I prefer you! :D". So she goes on "Cousin 1 attracts punk rocker style of guys" "Cousins 2 and 3 attract that other kind of guys" and so on. I just asked "What about you? :D" She goes "drug addicts and troublemakers" (she can have a really good sense of humor that cracks me sometimes, I took it as one of such moments) I giggled and answered "Well you're in luck I'm neither of that. Seems you've hit the jackpot, heh?". So far so good this could be exactly one of our typical IM/Phone/Person conversations (even playfully hinting at a possible relationship!) - there's really not much difference - except I am hinting at a somewhat more explicit level of interest. She goes "well but that's different you like me in a friend way, I reeeeeally mean like physical attraction and that!" I froze for like 30 seconds not knowing "is she testing me?" "is she trying to dig for more compliments" or even the awkward "is she friendzoning me in advance????". She does that silly thing almost as-if-she-didn't-realize-kind-of-stuff a lot, but never in something this "explicit". This did scare my usual confident self (even if only for a few seconds and luckily behind an IM window.) Phew I just managed to get something out like "Heh I just said you're the cutest so...." Which is pretty ambiguous I know. She goes like.. "hmmmmm you're being too nice today" (I don't usually go much for explicit compliments, as I said before) and added "I bet something's up!" (in a playful kind of way). I just answered "well who knows! ;)" Then we both changed subject simultaneously. So, I think she just tested me or could it be (I go for the first but I'd like some opinion here, she almost got me there.) some sort of an advance warning? She actually seemed to playfully react to the conversation, and even said goodbye (a little later - she was at work and had to resume it) in a more sweet way than I ever saw before. And trust me she's sweet by default. Just want to know if girls think this may have been just a test or game, or any other thoughts. I like this girl. I'm not a very shallow type of guy, I am very careful with women and do not get easily involved at all.
JoeNewbie Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 So, Mr. Confident and Mr. Good Conversationalist, that was one helluva long post about your insecurities indeed!
Author Exl Posted August 29, 2008 Author Posted August 29, 2008 Hey Joe Hehehe. Everyone's got insecurities. I definitely do, probably more than I show. I am enjoying re-finding my confidence after a bad breakup from a long-term relationship so don't spoil my karma I just manage over my insecurities and shortcomings well MOST of the time. Can that make me a bad conversationalist or seem any less confident to people around me? Deep down I'm a shy guy and, as everyone, with his own insecurities, fears and hopes. And a LS user, as all of you, so we're all probably here for similar reasons. Advice! Otherwise why would I ask for the valued opinion of LS users? I want to know what people think about what I've asked, I do have my own opinion but want some good advice! Feel free to add any advice! Peace! PS: Bully lol
xpaperxcutx Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 EXl, how about being straight forward for once? That will get all the crazy, frantic, needless agonizing over with. Women has always been given the advice that most men can't pick up clues or read between the lines, and the same can go for women as well. So you keep on flirting, but one of these days you have to ask, whether you want to continue playing games with her. It's a two way street you know?
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