Breaking NC - by request

[motive2002]

So 5 months and NC smashed.

 

It was kinda nice to catch up on things, but clear at the end that she didn't want to talk.

I had to contact her on a personal matter. Believe me it was significant enough to break NC, that's all I'll say about that.

It's clear now to me that she doesn't think about me anywhere near as much as I do her, and that the past is completely dead to her. Any feelings she had when we were together have completely evaporated.

She has well moved on and her final suggestion to me was to keep our distance "in the spirit of moving on".

 

So here I am. Knowing more about how and why we split was helpful to a degree, but not any less painful. I know the mistakes I made and what ultimately killed the relationship. I wish I could have changed the way I was back then, but as we agreed, it wasn't meant to be.

 

I missed her for so long. She wasn't just someone I dated... she was a person I got to know so intimately, and fell so much in love with. It was hard to say goodbye forever the first time. Even harder the second.

 

I'm not going to hear from her ever again. Being friends isn't an option for her. I think talking about the past made her uncomfortable as she tried to move the conversation elsewhere. A mixture of fondness for the past, and wanting to remain completely disconnected.

 

So we're broken forever. We can't even be friends and talk like we used to. She may have just as well died, it would be the same thing.

 

motive doesn't just fall for people like this. This was the one in a million. I don't honestly know if I'll ever have those kind of feeling for anyone ever again. Life is getting shorter by the minute, and as I age and my body goes through changes the prospects keep getting slimmer and slimmer.

 

A little part of me died tonight. One that may never live again.

 

Your friend

 

~motive

[Mending1985]

Motive, I'm so sorry to hear you are hurting like this.

 

I wish there was something I could say to make you feel a little bit better, but I do understand in a way what you're going through.

 

I'm sure that part of you will live again one day.

 

You don't get just one perfect love in a lifetime, there are plenty of opportunities ready for you when you least expect it xx

[Trialbyfire]

I'm sorry to see you so sad, motive.

 

From one person who feels deeply to another. Hope it gets better for you soon.

[BCCA]

I know exactly how you feel. I felt like my ex was my perfect match, and its hard to imagine that I can meet some one more compatable. Even as I've been trying to date these past few weeks since it happened, it's hard not to compare my dates to her, and feel like I'll never meet anyone like her again.

 

Take it from me though, she did you a favor. You dont want to talk with her anymore. I dont even need to ask how interested you are about hearing about people shes dating, or what she did last weekend for girls night out, etc...All she would do now is make you feel like garbage over and over, because you still have feelings for her. Whether its 5 months or 5 years, its always going to suck. You dont really want to be reminded of a relationship that didnt work. Let her go, let yourself go.

[LikeCharlotte]

I haven't been posting but I have been reading. ((((Motive)))) I know you are feeling a new loss right now but you have something you didn't have before. You have the truth. I have a feeling that you finally speaking with her helped more than it hurt. You've had to figure it out on your own thus far, with no information and now you know for sure. You will be feeling better soon. I know how you feel when you say "She may have just as well died, it would be the same thing." I still think that from time to time but I can't imagine how I would feel if I had to deal with it through actually talking to the deceased. He is a ghost now. I don't envy you but I do envy your closure. You've always tried to help me and others on LS so if you need anything feel free to call on Charlotte. I'm always lurking even if I'm not posting Keep your head up and show us the contemplative positive guy you are again. Your posts are missed!

[foxh1234]

I'm sorry to hear this Motive. You will feel better in time. Take care of yourself.

[Ingenue]

Motive,

 

I'm so sorry to hear about this. I can see how emotionally painful this is for you. I wish I could say something that would ease your hurt. But hopefully the truth shall set you free and with that freedom will come a newfound strength that you never knew you had.

 

A friend of mine told me in my period of anguish that you don't just find one love in a lifetime. You find many loves, each one you love more than the next.

 

Take care

[motive2002]

It didn't work out between us, so now I'm expected to somehow just cut her out of my life, like she never existed.

 

I'll be honest, this is the first time when it was ever suggested I couldn't be friends with an ex. The only other person I ever got so wrapped up in is still in contact with me. I took time to heal and now we're on a friendly basis, and no hard feelings.

 

Perhaps that's what her come to this conclusion. That there was no point to being friends because she could tell I still had feelings for her. Well, duuh, I fell in love! We were "soulmates" yadda yadda..

 

I'm thinking about looking into hypnosis or something. Maybe instead of regression, where you pull memories out of a crevice in your subconsious, there's a way to reverse that, and bury things so deep they vanish in the chasm of my brain. That would be nice.

[Treasa]

I don't know how helpful this wil be, as you'll likely say that your experiences aren't the same as mine, but I've felt that way before. In fact, I've felt that way about a couple of guys. That there was something about them that I'd never experience ever again. That they were the "one in a million."

 

And I always eventually got over them. I always eventually realized that I was assigning them too much power. I always eventually discovered that it was my emotions that were strong and amazing, not them. I figured out after a while that it was me who was the amazing one.

 

I think you'll be ok. You're just hurting more because of the renewed contact.

 

I promise you WILL get over her someday.

[sunshinegirl]

Oh motive, I'm so sorry.

 

How excruciating to see the person we loved and see, in their eyes, that they aren't regretting the decision not to be with us. It busts apart all those little thoughts and hopes we have nurtured that they miss us or regret what they've done.

 

Sadly there is no way out but through. Hold on tight, motive, you will get through this awful moment. Things will get better. Promise.

[BCCA]

It didn't work out between us, so now I'm expected to somehow just cut her out of my life, like she never existed.

 

I'll be honest, this is the first time when it was ever suggested I couldn't be friends with an ex. The only other person I ever got so wrapped up in is still in contact with me. I took time to heal and now we're on a friendly basis, and no hard feelings.

 

Perhaps that's what her come to this conclusion. That there was no point to being friends because she could tell I still had feelings for her. Well, duuh, I fell in love! We were "soulmates" yadda yadda..

 

I'm thinking about looking into hypnosis or something. Maybe instead of regression, where you pull memories out of a crevice in your subconsious, there's a way to reverse that, and bury things so deep they vanish in the chasm of my brain. That would be nice.

 

You cant be friends with an ex until the feelings you had for her have dissapeared. Its just going to be too hard now, and youll always be thinking there is a chance, or she said this or that, so it must mean she wants to talk...I've been there. People can be cruel, and I promise you any contact with this girl is only going to make you feel bad.

 

Dont bury things into your mind, because theyll still affect you. Just face it head on, let it hurt, let youself heal, and move forward. The thing that really sucks is that there is no fastforward button when youre in pain like this. Im sorry man, I know how terrible that feeling is. But I can tell you it does get better.

[LikeCharlotte]

Her actions now only prove that she could never be the right woman for you. You are not afraid to face a little discomfort to see all that effort turned to something positive for both of you despite the end of your romantic relationship - and she avoids and runs. She also blames you because you have feelings. ugh. Classic displacement, her guilt would eating her alive if she had to actually see that you were hurt. She is way too underdeveloped emotionally for someone like you. She also is losing a valuable friend and asset. F-her, seriously. I think she is an opportunistic ninny and you can do way better. For what its worth... go find a decent woman who deserves all you have before you waste another precious breath on her.

[CaliGuy]

Motive, there will be others when you let her go and forgive yourself for loving her.

 

Pick yourself up as best you know how, put the past behind and you look forward to your future. It's a lot brighter than you think.

[motive2002]

She had told me that we were soulmates. That I "completed her". All of these things and it was genuine.. and I believed it!

Then like the flip of a switch she turned her back on me as if I had meant nothing to her.

She will never have any idea the grief that put me through. Never.

I am a loyal, honest giving person with a huge heart, and she took it all for granted.

[CaliGuy]

She had told me that we were soulmates. That I "completed her". All of these things and it was genuine.. and I believed it!

Then like the flip of a switch she turned her back on me as if I had meant nothing to her.

She will never have any idea the grief that put me through. Never.

I am a loyal, honest giving person with a huge heart, and she took it all for granted.

 

Motive, I understand. People change, their feelings change. Their goals and priorities changed. Whatever happened with her, you just don't have control over it. And as sad as it is, life still goes on. You can choose to wallow in misery or you can choose to LIVE. Nobody but you on this planet is responsible for your wants, needs and happiness. Not even someone who calls you their "soulmate" (she probably doesn't even know what that means).

 

Put the rear view mirror away and look ahead. Because life only begins to get better when you decide you aren't going to feel sorry for yourself. Instead, be thankful that she is out of your life now and you aren't in a miserable, unhappy and unsatisfying marriage.

 

As bad as you think WE have it, go take a look at the "DIVORCE/INFIDELITY" forums. Whenever I think life sucks or I have it bad, I go read that forum.

 

I am so very thankful that the ex's that have broken up me with did so. Because had I married the one that brought me here, I would be in an insane asylum.

[LikeCharlotte]

I am so very thankful that the ex's that have broken up me with did so. Because had I married the one that brought me here, I would be in an insane asylum.

I agree with CaliGuy here. If I'd married him I would have made a HUGE mistake. If someone had told me that a few months back I would have protested. I had lost myself so much that I thought I should accept less than I deserved. I allowed myself to be hurt by someone who has never and could never even begin to be what I want. He was just so far from what I really want and need right now, even if he was working in the right direction... I was settling. I was blinded by my own dissatisfaction with my life and what was essentially nothing more than a bit of sexual tension and a handful of wishful thinking. I'm not saying that it is wrong to grieve but I am saying that holding on to the grief is keeping you from embracing the hope of finding someone better. I want to see you pour all of your honest intent and emotion onto someone who is as real and deeply feeling as you are. In fact I really hope you still post here when you do.

 

You might not see it this way right now but you will. In the meantime do something nice for yourself. Cry, scream, tear things apart... but you'll get through it. The hardest part is behind you. The more time you waste on her the longer a woman who deserves that sort of attention has to wait. As for the things she said; I'm sure she meant it at the time. People get carried away when they fall in love. It is the nature of the affliction. She didn't have the courage of her conviction, or she spoke too soon. Either way it is indicative of a woman who is not caring, careful and committed- as you are. Do you see what I am saying Motive? You deserve much much more.

[tealeafbud]

Motive motive motive motive

 

That was probably a tough decision for you to make to contact her. It must have been very important for you to do that. I applaud your courage since it was probably for the best. I just hope you were prepared for it.

 

It sounds like the conversation took a detour from your initial purpose of contacting her. It's perfectly normal and I'm happy and glad that you found out some information that would have otherwise been unknown. But a little sacrifice is required for that feeling and information.

 

dude, you've been there since day one of my posts and I appreciate it. It's been quite a while which says a lot about the progress we've made despite the little bumps in the road. It truly is a journey and I hope we can at least appreciate that fact. Take care motive

[motive2002]

Hey tealeaf. Bet you never thought I'd wind up breaking NC after so long.

I'm still kinda raw from the fresh rejection that was laid on me, but at the same time I do have some amount of closure from it. I know why she never called. I know that she's moved on and doesn't think about me very much at all. I know that she sees "us" as a lost cause and that there's no way we'll ever reconcile. I also know that she wishes to keep our distance "in the spirit of moving on".

 

In short, it's all as dead as a doornail. I've left with only one direction to go in. Forward.

The past only serves to torture me and must somehow be forgotten.

[orangehose]

Hey tealeaf. Bet you never thought I'd wind up breaking NC after so long.

I'm still kinda raw from the fresh rejection that was laid on me, but at the same time I do have some amount of closure from it. I know why she never called. I know that she's moved on and doesn't think about me very much at all. I know that she sees "us" as a lost cause and that there's no way we'll ever reconcile. I also know that she wishes to keep our distance "in the spirit of moving on".

 

In short, it's all as dead as a doornail. I've left with only one direction to go in. Forward.

The past only serves to torture me and must somehow be forgotten.

 

Ugh, sounds like she's seeing someone else. I still think she's not worthy of you, though. Also, I don't think you can be CERTAIN that she doesn't think of you, although it may not be as much as you think of her. I know if my ex called, I would definitely not say anything to suggest I was anything less than perfectly happy since he left me. Such is the nature of pride.

 

It sounds like in a way, contacting her was helpful for you though, and maybe provided some useful additional information. It certainly took bravery on your part. (I say this as someone who's been NC from moment of breakup and therefore will never fully understand why I was dumped).

[0hpenelope]

((HUGS MOTIVE))

 

No words.

 

Just these.

 

I won't say anything that feels so empty to you right now.

 

Just take care of yourself, bro.

[motive2002]

We had it out today via text. I said some really awful things to her. I let her have it and then some.

 

I'm shaking... I'm so upset.

[tealeafbud]

motive, you know you need to get a grip. right now, you're probably thinking irrationally which is very normal I would think. As long as you get out of the funk and into your strong courageous self, you'll be ok. Stay strong movite, we're always here and you know it.