Did I break the rules?

[SadHeart79]

Okay, for those who do not know me on this forum, I broke up with my fiancee of 6 years, 6 months ago after I found out he was cheating on me. I really hit rock bottom and it has been a long, slow, painful process for me trying to get over the breakup. It has taken me this long to start feeling resonably okay about putting myself out in the dating world and meeting other people.

 

Anyway, I've been on a few dates, but the chemistry just hasn't been there for me. I have met mostly time wasters, who either don't know what they want or have so much baggage they are emotional wrecks. If I do hit it off with someone, and I think that there is a mutual attraction there, they promise to call me, but never do. I guess we have all been there, but it is so frustrating. I would rather they just be honest and tell me, hey you're really nice but not really interested in taking things further. You know what I mean?

 

So I started chatting to a guy online a few weeks ago and although he is a few years younger than me, we really hit it off. We both were looking for the same things in life, same interests, same goals etc. So after a few weeks, we decided to meet on Monday night for a drink. From the moment we sat down together, there was instant chemistry. We didn't stop talking and laughing together for hours. Now I know that I probably broke the number one rule when it comes to dating, and I went over and over it in my head before deciding what to do. Anyway, against my better judgement I invited him back to my place. I told him that I didn't want to screw things up by doing anything before we were both ready, and he agreed.

 

Let me just say that I am not the type of girl who has one night stands and I definately am usually the girl who makes guys wait for that type of thing. With this guy though, I don't know, there was just something about him that made him seem different from the other guys I've dated. He didn't stay the night, but sent me a text the next day saying what a great night he had. He had to go away for work the next day and would be back by the weekend, so I texted back "catch up when you get back hey?" and he replied "for sure babe xx"

 

Anyway, I've had a few texts since then, just asking how I am etc but I'm really starting to stress about whether I will see him again or not. I can't ring him because where he is there is little or no reception for phones, so I don't know what to do. I really like him, and I asked him before anything happened, are you the type of guy who is just after one thing and then moves on? He said "no, my last girlfriend and I hooked up on our first date and we were together for a year." I can't seem to stop worrying about it though, and I'll be really sad if I don't hear from him again. Did I do the wrong thing? I feel so bad for going that far on the first date, it is so out of character for me.

 

What should I do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm so out of practice in the dating world, it's not funny

[carhill]

Just so I'm clear, you told him you "didn't want to do anything before you were both ready", which I'm assuming would mean having sex right away, but you went ahead and did so anyway? Wow, that's some mixed messages. Well, whatever......Etiquette is that he should have called the next day after having sex with you. Texts are for children. A woman a man makes love to gets his time and his voice.

 

Don't call him. Don't text him. Let him call you when his "reception" is better. If he's interested, he'll learn where the land lines are (yeah, I know, old-fashioned) and call you that way.

 

You'll meet a lot of guys with whom you hit it off. A few will inspire you. Hopefully one will love you, and you him. Best wishes for that

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Don't worry about it. In my experience, it really doesn't matter. If the guy is really into you he will call. I've waited to have sex, and I've also done it the first night, and I've found that it just doesn't matter.

 

Now quit stressing and get your mind on something else. Go out with your girlfriends, see a movie, go for a run. Anything to get your mind off of it. If he's interested he will call! It sounds like you guys had a really great time out.

[amymarieca]

This is such a double-standard that pisses me off. Why is it always assumed that if the woman has sex with someone on the first date, then she becomes the bad person?

 

I once went on a date with a guy because I wanted to sleep with him. I had no interest in a relationship with him. We ended up sleeping together and I never returned his calls. Sure it was a crappy thing to do and I am not proud of it, but this goes to show you that women can do the exact same thing!