fral945 Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 You made the right call. I can empathize, I have the same problem being non-religious and trying to have relationships with religious women. They've never worked.
Angel1111 Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 OK. I wanted to tell her in person and we had the weekend planned but things fell through. I text her that I wanted to speak to her directly and sensing something was up she fired back that if I wanted to break up with her just might as well text her. (womans intuition or what?!) So I sent her a long text basically saying everything I said here. The whole religion thing. No sex. yada yada. She wrote me back saying that she hopes I find happiness and that she will cherish our time together. Thats it. We are through. I think she really did have an agenda to let me go so easily. Aw well, heartbreak is never easy. I guess I'll be posting on the break up section now. LOL! btw. yes she was Mormon Mormon!!!! Holy moly! I didn't even think they dated outside their religion. Wow, talk about going from night to day - I can't believe she would go from having no religion to such an extreme. I came from a really strict religion very similar to Mormons and I can tell you that if you didn't become one of them, your marriage would be a nightmare, and you would've been an outcast. As far as how she let you go so easily, I can only say that 'I love you' didn't mean all that much to her, or she's still playing games because she knows how much it will bug you for her to let you go without a fight. Don't take the bait. Take heart in knowing that she's very, very upset that her game with you didn't work. Just remember that whatever feelings you had for one another would get lost in the future battle you would have on your hands. I'm sorry it came to this but you did the right thing. You're smart to protect yourself because this hurt is short-term, a bad marriage is long-term. You just dodged a bullet.
Mary3 Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 Big huge red flag #1: You may have said you love each other, but love, real love, lasting love, take time to develop. You might like each other, enjoy each other, care for each other, lust for each other, be infatuated with each other, but you do NOT LOVE each other. And that you've SAID you do seem to indicate you are both a little delusional about what love actually is. Big huge red flag #2: If she is suddenly devout because she's had bad experiences in dating, I would question how sincerely devout she is. Most truly devout people are so because they have developed a strong faith, not because they've been burned by their own bad choices. You don't just pick up 'devoutness' like the latest self-help book at Amazon. Big huge red flag #3: Not even 30 and she has a few kids and a couple of divorces, and now she's already looking for hubby #3? And her strategy is to hold out on sex? Really? What do you think will happen to hubby #3? If she actually gets the hubby, what are the odds she will withhold sex in the marriage whenever she wants something from him? Big huge red flag #4: She's a tease, she knows exactly what she's doing, and yes, IT IS WORKING on YOU. You are already talking about marriage and even considering it and you didn't even KNOW her a month ago. Yes, it most certainly is. You are thinking with your dick. Run. Run as far and as fast as you can before you end up as her third ex-husband. You are too susceptible to her tricks. Beaaaaaaaaautifully Spoken ! IN every sense of the word. This girl has 2 divorces and some kids and is acting like a virgin ? I don't think so. Her bad choices are the REASON you are NOT getting ANY sex. Not because of religious REASONS. You need to Let Go of this hot poker. Poster is RIGHT. ITs NOT LOVE. Love is a longgggggggggggggggggggggg way away. Months into years ...This is LUST. You dig her BAD. This marraige ( based all on the hokey pokey ) would last 2 weeks TOPS ! Disasterous ! Don't do that. Find a girl who is compatible with your spirtual and sexual beliefs.
disgracian Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 Good call brother. Now the healing can begin. Cheers, D.
Lovelybird Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 IMO some of you just are bitter toward her and her determination for waiting sex until marriage. I am not sure about "the make out session", but if she was a newly converted believer, she may struggled with the sex, but finally decided to wait. Yes, I believe a person can change like that, she had a bad history, but if you aren't a believer, you won't understand how much Lord can change a person's heart and value system. But I agree that 1 month is too short for considering marriage. Especially you don't have same value system, you don't want to wait sex, then it is a wise decision to leave. IMO it was not her not willing to fight for you, it was that you were pratically telling her, "you aren't worth more than sex object", I think her response was decent
Mary3 Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 IMO some of you just are bitter toward her and her determination for waiting sex until marriage. I am not sure about "the make out session", but if she was a newly converted believer, she may struggled with the sex, but finally decided to wait. Yes, I believe a person can change like that, she had a bad history, but if you aren't a believer, you won't understand how much Lord can change a person's heart and value system. But I agree that 1 month is too short for considering marriage. Especially you don't have same value system, you don't want to wait sex, then it is a wise decision to leave. IMO it was not her not willing to fight for you, it was that you were pratically telling her, "you aren't worth more than sex object", I think her response was decent But who speaks of marraige after 2 dates ?
Lovelybird Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 But who speaks of marraige after 2 dates ? there are cases people meet first time, and decided in their heart, "I will marry him/her", and they have long successful marriage
Tomcat33 Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 . Her bad choices are the REASON you are NOT getting ANY sex. Not because of religious REASONS. EXACTLY! She is desperately trying to rectify her past by making some poor sap suffer for her. And she is Mormon? YIKES you dodged a total bullet. The other day I was leaving work and two young Mormon guys were on the other side of the road one was already chatting up a guy and the other was standing there the one chatting up the guy was already looking at me cross the street and the other one saw me as I got closer. The one that was free proceeded to follow me and ask me "miss I would like to offer you something" I turned around and said no thanks, then the other dude AND him started walking behind me and saying "but miss let me teach of of the word of god" and I said "look guys I appreciate it but I already have a religion" then they kept going and trying to talk me into it I repeated "look guys I am catholic and I like my religion I have no desire to switch" they following me down the street and kept going on and on until I reached the subway entrance and I finally had to say "guys please I appreciate what you are doing but I said I was Catholic, I have a religion UNDERSTAND?" It was brutal!! They are on track minded and have no respect for anything other than what THEY want. That level of brain washing to me is sick and I want not part of that, I would assume you would have ended up just like that. The level of coldness she displayed when you told her via text shows how calculated she is. Forget that action!! Something tells me if you were to go for it and give in to what she wants she would abandon the religion a month after she got you to marry her.
Lovelybird Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 EXACTLY! She is desperately trying to rectify her past by making some poor sap suffer for her. And she is Mormon? YIKES you dodged a total bullet. The other day I was leaving work and two young Mormon guys were on the other side of the road one was already chatting up a guy and the other was standing there the one chatting up the guy was already looking at me cross the street and the other one saw me as I got closer. The one that was free proceeded to follow me and ask me "miss I would like to offer you something" I turned around and said no thanks, then the other dude AND him started walking behind me and saying "but miss let me teach of of the word of god" and I said "look guys I appreciate it but I already have a religion" then they kept going and trying to talk me into it I repeated "look guys I am catholic and I like my religion I have no desire to switch" they following me down the street and kept going on and on until I reached the subway entrance and I finally had to say "guys please I appreciate what you are doing but I said I was Catholic, I have a religion UNDERSTAND?" It was brutal!! They are on track minded and have no respect for anything other than what THEY want. That level of brain washing to me is sick and I want not part of that, I would assume you would have ended up just like that. The level of coldness she displayed when you told her via text shows how calculated she is. Forget that action!! Something tells me if you were to go for it and give in to what she wants she would abandon the religion a month after she got you to marry her. seems like you know her from the day she was born Lots of assumptions about her here
Tomcat33 Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 seems like you know her from the day she was born Lots of assumptions about her here Seems like she was "born" after her failed marriages (2 of them I might add) kids and about 20 years of sex given what was posted here and her new found love of religion. It's great she feels she has metamophosed into this other new being but perhaps IMO she should a) find another reincarnate just like her that can better understand her and b) stop being a cock tease if she is seriously abstaining from sex until marriage in the name of god. She either IS or she is not. Same assumptions you are making about why she is doing what she is doing, we can only assume from where we are sitting.
Jilly Bean Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 Sounds like she's looking for a new baby Daddy, and is using her cooch as bait.
Lovelybird Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 Seems like she was "born" after her failed marriages (2 of them I might add) kids and about 20 years of sex given what was posted here and her new found love of religion. It's great she feels she has metamophosed into this other new being but perhaps IMO she should a) find another reincarnate just like her that can better understand her and b) stop being a cock tease if she is seriously abstaining from sex until marriage in the name of god. She either IS or she is not. Same assumptions you are making about why she is doing what she is doing, we can only assume from where we are sitting. she respect her belief, wants to wait until marriage, because she respects God and marriage, she doesn't take sex lightly like the world today does, this doesn't mean she doesn't want sex. she wants sex, in a committed and God blessed marriage. A newly convert will struggle lots of values along the journey, I think you didn't give her benefit of doubt If OP wants to find out if she is a tease or not, then he should wait for more times to know each other, a person cannot hide that well, but he couldn't wait that long
Tomcat33 Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 she respect her belief, wants to wait until marriage, because she respects God and marriage, she doesn't take sex lightly like the world today does, this doesn't mean she doesn't want sex. she wants sex, in a committed and God blessed marriage. Well then stop dry humping a guy and sending him home with blue balls and then using the "not until marriage" card. That is SO INCREDIBLY annoying and not to mention disrespectful to the guy. Jills - EXACTLY
Angel1111 Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 IMO some of you just are bitter toward her and her determination for waiting sex until marriage. I am not sure about "the make out session", but if she was a newly converted believer, she may struggled with the sex, but finally decided to wait. Yes, I believe a person can change like that, she had a bad history, but if you aren't a believer, you won't understand how much Lord can change a person's heart and value system. But I agree that 1 month is too short for considering marriage. Especially you don't have same value system, you don't want to wait sex, then it is a wise decision to leave. IMO it was not her not willing to fight for you, it was that you were pratically telling her, "you aren't worth more than sex object", I think her response was decent There's nothing at all wrong with someone making this kind of decision about sex, or converting to religion mid-stream in their life. But the problem is, she's very mixed up. She makes out with him over and over and this is not the behavior of a woman who's serious about her convictions, or has a handle on where she really stands. And she picks a religion that is cultish in nature which is an indication that she is very lost. She tells him that she loves him after one month, but also says that she will continue to date others until they're engaged. Huh??? Sorry but I call BS on that one. That's just plain dumb rationale. Plus in a religion such as hers, she needs to stick to dating guys in her religion, instead of hoping to convert someone. This is not some milk-toast religion - it's seriously cultish and not many people would be willing to get involved in it. So, no, the argument is not about her morals but her lack of conviction and the things she does to make her look like she's either playing games or is completely confused. Either way, he's going to be the one to pay the price for her confusion.
Jilly Bean Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 Well then stop dry humping a guy and sending him home with blue balls and then using the "not until marriage" card. That is SO INCREDIBLY annoying and not to mention disrespectful to the guy. Jills - EXACTLY Word. I just hope he pays attention to that. Could this be ANY more obvious? If she were truly devoted to celibacy, she wouldn't be doing the c*ck tease routine. Dilly - she's preying upon you. Be CAREFUL.
disgracian Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 Fear not Jilly, he's already seen the light. I must admit that I missed the bit about her not even being exclusive until an engagement ring is on her finger. That is incredibly poor behaviour and makes her newfound cloak of righteousness a transparent screen behind which she pretends to hide her true motivations. Cheers, D.
disgracian Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 IMO some of you just are bitter toward her and her determination for waiting sex until marriage. I'm sure it has nothing to do with her duplicitous behaviour and blatant emotional manipulation. Cheers, D.
Author dilly Posted August 30, 2008 Author Posted August 30, 2008 She did confess that she never had sex with anybody that she was truly in love with and her vow of chastity was so she could find someone with whom she was truly in love with and then have sex. Pretty sad, 2 marriages and she wasn't in love with either one? I still maintain that she had it wrong. After two failed marriages, why would jumping into a marriage that quickly do anything but be the catalyst to another failed marriage? She definitely wasn't the good little Mormon girl she professed to be. She was most definitely a cock tease. She said once that she was so good at oral sex that I wouldn't last more than 5 min with her. She also confessed to having quite a few one night stands and also a menage a trois after her last marriage. Now why the hell would I want to hear that and why would she divulge that information so readily. I do know she was good with her tongue because she sure could kiss! I do feel a lot better breaking up with her but I will miss her because other than that huge fundamental religious difference, we were very compatible. Teaches me a lesson. No more religious girls. I guess I need to take my profile down on LDSsingles.com. J/K! LOL!
nopainnogain Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 What if a girl doesnt want to have sex until she gets married. Then she gets married and on the night of the honeymoon she finds out her husband has a 1 1/2 inch pecker:confused: would she divorce him??
Jilly Bean Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 LOL! I think she was playing you the whole time, hon. Some women out there are just looking for baby Daddy's at any cost. I'm glad you were smart enough to not get sucked into her drama. Still sucks, I know. FWIW, I am sure she was lying about the killer BJ.
Author dilly Posted August 30, 2008 Author Posted August 30, 2008 What if a girl doesnt want to have sex until she gets married. Then she gets married and on the night of the honeymoon she finds out her husband has a 1 1/2 inch pecker:confused: would she divorce him?? Thats funny, because that was one of my arguments for premarital sex. What if it was too big, what if it was too small? What if the sex was just plain bad or he/she was frigid. Definitely not the time to find out when you have just tied the knot. I was certainly not going to take her word for it! FWIW, I am sure she was lying about the killer BJ. Sadly I'm never going to find out.
Author dilly Posted August 30, 2008 Author Posted August 30, 2008 LOL! I think she was playing you the whole time, hon. I definitely think so too. The writing was on the wall but sometimes you're too close to see it. Thanks for getting me to see the light.
konfuzd Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 Break ups are never fun, and I wish you the best Dilly but I have to congratulate you on following the advice of LS. It's so refreshing to see someone who comes here for advice and actually takes it. Good work on the part of the posters too. Good luck and I hope you find someone more sane and less manipulative in the near future!
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