What happens next

[CaliSurfFAN]

So I'm basically looking for some insight on what should be done next. This girl and I had been dating for about 6 months and about a month ago we both started to feel the attraction slightly going. Well, we tried to work it out but only got frustrated at each other. She felt like she wasn't into the type of relationship we were having and wanted to extend the break that I put us on. In this break she tried to start us up again many times but I kept "strong" I guess you'd say and kept us on a break. Anyways, we tried once more and failed. So we went our seperate ways and I religously did the NC deal, for about a month thinking that we'd see what we were missing and be able to breath. She gave hints as to show she was still attracted to me and wanted to continue with a relationship, but only small ones. Well, me being a thick headed guy thought she needed this space but realized (too late) that she came to the conclusion I abandoned her. I was notified by someone else that she had felt like I broke her heart. Yup, I know, stupid assumptions on my behalf. So, because we have to work together and see each other only on the weekends, I believe that I continue to fuel her anger towards me. I strongly think though that there might be a lingering feeling of attraction still, but she is currently having feelings for another man and I think, trying to start something up with him. So, we just had the "coffee meet" because of some papers she had to sign and we talked for about 45 minutes. I never brought up our seperation or old feelings /new feelings. I only talked about what was going on in her life and how she was doing. She was hesitant but opened up about stuff. (shes hiding the fact that her "friend" is the guy shes interested in:o.) Prob normal I know, and not looking too much into it. Only thought it was funny cuz she brought him up but didn't explain they're friendship. The whole time I was supportive and very nice, never showed a "need" for her, just that I was interested in her life. My questions are these. Lets say I want to get back with her but have not at all shown that I'm "desperate" for her or anything like that. After this first "Coffee meet" where does it go from there. Do I ask to talk again on another occasion, do we have another "coffee meet", how long should I wait, do I show affection or just play it cool. AND, when we talk about her life, should I bring up things like...

is she seeing someone

(i'd only talk highly about her happiness and moving forward with him.)

and our previous relationship.

 

I know, it's one of those dumb and stubborn situations, just looking for a little insight.

thnx for reading

[BCCA]

First, I would give it a few days and ask her to do something on the weekend (maybe next weekend?). Nothing too "date" ish but maybe like lunch, going to the mall with you, or something very "friendly" and with little pressure. Make the next few times you see her sort of short, but gradually working the time up. (for example, if she wants to go to lunch with you next weekend, JUST eat lunch, say bye and youll talk to her later).

 

Do NOT ask about anyone shes dating. You dont need to mean it in a needy way, but it sounds paranoid, and it doesnt matter anyway. Also, wait a few more of these "dates" before you talk about your relationship.

 

Just my 2 cents

[CaliSurfFAN]

for responding, should I ask her out again when it feels right or do I wait till a few days before. I can't tell if she wants me out of her life for good, cuz she kinda acts like it, or if she's just trying to move on but would be open to me still. It's confusing. thnx again for responding

[BCCA]

If shes acting like she wants you out of her life, than unfortunately she probably does. Her actions tell way more than what she says. Remember, guilt is a very powerful emotion and can lead people to saying things that they absolutely dont mean. I'm not saying there is no chance that she'll change her mind, but all you can do is assume that she isnt. I'm not telling you this to advocate being a quitter, but the only way she'll come back is if you get on with your life and show her you dont need her to be happy. And really, the only way you should even consider another chance with this relationship is if you're both dedicated to fixing whatever problems you had before.

 

I would back way off. Dont initiate anything for a while. Work on yourself and what makes you happy. The thing is, people break up for a reason and unless both people want to change that reason, its doomed from the get go.