Rich464 Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 Hi all, I haven't posted here in a while and I mostly come here to just read other posts to help me cope. I've been NC since me and the ex broke up a little over 6 months ago after 4 1/2 years together. Were both only in our early twenties. Problem is she turned up at my house at 12:30am on monday night to see me which has really left me confused. She made some accusation about running up bills and forwarding the bills to her parents, which is completely untrue but her parents despise me, always have and they were very good at making things up to try and upset things between me and the ex. What confused me, is that after 6 months of pretty much complete NC she turns up with this, obviously an excuse to just see me and once the accusations were denied and i proved it wasn't true she took the unsual turn of being incredibly nice to me and apologising for the timing. By this time it was 2:30am. She insisted she walk home and considering the time, I went with her. I've always made sure she got home safe even when we had fought or fallen out. On the way to hers she was very nice and begin to flirt, chatting as if nothing had ever happened. Our breakup was nasty, a lot of hurtful things were said and now this after she assured me we would never work out together. I made the stupid mistake of coming in when she invited me into her new place when I walked her home and stayed for too long chatting before I left to go home. Now 2 things are really bugging me. 1) Was that simply an excuse to see me and check up on me, and 2) what do I do about it now? I find myself waiting by the phone for her to call when she won't. 6 months NC and it's like I'm back at day 1! The biggest problem, for me at least, is spending a few hours with her made me realise I am still so deeply in love with her, but the love was never an issue. What do I do?! My world has been turned upside down and I have no idea how to deal with this in my head, even after all this NC and me thinking I was almost over her. Some people in here have given some excellent advice in the 18+ months I've visited this site and wondered if anyone had any for me? I would really appreciate it. note: Don't break NC people! it's like resetting the counter Thanks for reading and apologies for the rant.
CaliGuy Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 Do what you have been doing. Stick with NC and don't make any efforts to chase her. If she really wanted to be with you she would break down your door to get to you. 12:30am is highly unusual. I would have personally said "Go home, I'm trying to sleep!" She's fishing, my friend. Tossing out breadcrumbs to make sure that you're still on her line when/if she ever wants you. That is why not contacting her is extremely important. You continue to heal and move on as best you can. Heck, LINE UP SOME DATES!!! She's not apologizing, she isnt asking for you back and aside from the flirty stuff (breadcrumbs) I see no reason to think she wants to try again. Anything other than "I'm sorry, I screwed up and I really love you..." I just would not listen to.
Author Rich464 Posted August 28, 2008 Author Posted August 28, 2008 Thanks caliguy, the voice of reason as always I've come too far to let this all go south now.
nowhereman82 Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 Exactly what I read, she never once apologized and even came at you with some BS and accusing you of something lame....at 12:30am. Forget her until she can come to you and apologize, be completely open and honest and have a discussion like an adult. If you try to take her back otherwise, she will take you for granted.
CaliGuy Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 Thanks caliguy, the voice of reason as always I've come too far to let this all go south now. Yup. Hold true to yourself. Love and respect yourself or you will not be able to effectively love and respect others the "right" way. Until she comes to you, hat in hand, she's just fishing. Don't take the bait. Instead, I want you to read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" (Glover) and date other women. She needs to know you aren't waiting around for her to come back.
orangehose Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 Ugh yeah, sounds like she was fishing - at your emotional expense. I agree with Cali - time to line up some dates!!
BCCA Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 Wow...6 months later she shows up at your door. I would love to believe that after 6 months of not talking to an ex, they would just be gone for good. I guess thats not always the case. I agree with the fishing. Not to be crude about it, but is there a chance she was only looking to get laid? Showing up at 12:30am to me sounds like she was fishing for a booty call, and sadly, probably nothing more. You did the right thing, and staying NC is the way to go. I dont know if Ive ever heard of anyone saying "I'm sorry, I screwed up and I really love you..." before. Does that even happen? Seems people usually try less direct methods.
seminoles84 Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 "Time to line up some dates" I feel like I've been out of it so long.. I don't technically remember how to line up dates. I'm not the kind of guy who does online dating.. just kind of weird to me (even though my mom met her now husband through online dating). I'm 23.. feel too young to do online dating. What are some ways you guys meet new people? I belong to a gym.. do you think joining a yoga class or something? When I met my Ex it was at hooters with friends.. and I didn't even ask her out until I knew she liked me. I somehow used to be charming haha.. This might belong in another forum.. but i find it hard to meet new people while coping with a break up. Sorry if I jacked this thread.
sultry33 Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 Wow...6 months later she shows up at your door. I would love to believe that after 6 months of not talking to an ex, they would just be gone for good. I guess thats not always the case. I agree with the fishing. Not to be crude about it, but is there a chance she was only looking to get laid? Showing up at 12:30am to me sounds like she was fishing for a booty call, and sadly, probably nothing more. You did the right thing, and staying NC is the way to go. I dont know if Ive ever heard of anyone saying "I'm sorry, I screwed up and I really love you..." before. Does that even happen? Seems people usually try less direct methods. yea i thought the same booty call? but then why the accussiations? 6 months and calls rd at that time maybe she was checking to see if you was single.. would been funny if you had hot girl there;) im bad lol id agree with all of the above... takes more than that.. dont wait for the call, im sure she be back but get yourself busy unless she gives more..
sultry33 Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 "Time to line up some dates" I feel like I've been out of it so long.. I don't technically remember how to line up dates. I'm not the kind of guy who does online dating.. just kind of weird to me (even though my mom met her now husband through online dating). I'm 23.. feel too young to do online dating. What are some ways you guys meet new people? I belong to a gym.. do you think joining a yoga class or something? When I met my Ex it was at hooters with friends.. and I didn't even ask her out until I knew she liked me. I somehow used to be charming haha.. This might belong in another forum.. but i find it hard to meet new people while coping with a break up. Sorry if I jacked this thread. try the dating forum on here.. great advice;) and nooooo your not to young.. just see it as a way to chat not neccesarily to date:love: good luck x
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