RogueAC Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 I recently joined LS. I have been reading tons of the posts but haven’t posted nor replied to very many threads. I am really truly hurting. I hope that I can post some thoughts here too. First, I guess, a little background about the relationship and the break-up. He and I had been dating semi-serious/seriously for the past year and a half but I have been feeling frustrated for the past couple of months because I felt like things were kind of “stuck.” We had conversations about these feelings in April and July. I was in love with him but I hadn’t said it yet. He didn’t either but that is because I don’t think that he was in love with me. We were not fighting about it but we were definitely not on the same page. About 2 weeks ago after a night out with friends – after me asking to know what was on his mind because something was clearly wrong -- he said he couldn’t be in a relationship and knew what I needed from him but he couldn’t do it. He knew that I was feeling frustrated and didn’t want to keep doing things the way that we have been. That “I am great and there are so many things he loves about me and we laugh and have so much fun but that he would rather be single than just in a relationship with me because.” Actually, there was not much of a conversation because it was already almost 2 am. I think I knew this was coming. I was like, “are we really doing this? Yeah we are really doing this. Damn. I guess we are finally on the same page.” Then he walked me home and I cried the whole way. He said he “was sorry and didn’t mean to hurt me.” He held me for a bit and I ran the last block home. I am woman my late 20s and he a man in his 30s but this night has me feeling like a high school girl of 15. I have been through life challenges, difficult breakups and had my heart broken before, but wow, this has hit me in entirely new ways. I really thought he was something that, it turns out, he is not. Anyway, we haven’t communicated or anything since the break-up night. I don’t know what I would/could say to him. I was in love with him and wanted a relationship and future and he did not. I am so hurt. I feel angry that the breakup was so rushed and happened in the middle of the night. I feel so angry. I am not really afraid of breaking NC because I know deep down that I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who is not interested in me; but I just feel so rejected and low. I am doing all the right “break up” stuff and trying to keep living my pretty awesome life: keeping busy, spending time with friends/family, working, working out, etc. but this heartache is taking a toll. It has been 2 really raw weeks. I am posting for moral support and strength to keep my head up and not blame myself for falling in love with someone who doesn’t love me back. Thanks for taking the time to read this uber long post.
CaliGuy Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 It sounds like you are doing all the right things. You'd think at his age, he'd know what he wants. At least you don't have to wonder anymore how he feels and you can pick up the pieces and move on with your life. It sucks, I know as I've been there. You need to go strict NC and put the focus of your life squarely on you and not him. Work out a lot, hang out with friends, dive into hobbies and take the time you were spending with him and spoil yourself. Another guy will come along, you know that so I don't have to remind you.
Author RogueAC Posted August 28, 2008 Author Posted August 28, 2008 Thanks for the thoughts CaliG. You are right; it is definitely better to know what the relationship was not so I can move on and do my own thing. NC is definitely a challenge but who knows-- this break up could be one of those great blessings in disguise.
BCCA Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 Thanks for the thoughts CaliG. You are right; it is definitely better to know what the relationship was not so I can move on and do my own thing. NC is definitely a challenge but who knows-- this break up could be one of those great blessings in disguise. As some one who got close to the same as you from my ex, I know how badly it feels right now. But, at least you wont waste another minute with the "wrong one" if you know what I mean. Why spend your time and energy on some one who doest feel the same way? I know not much of this is going to make you feel any better right this moment, but it gets better. NC is very hard, but set goals. Say you wont contact him for at least 30 days and see how you feel. Often times, by then youre not all that intersted in doing so anyway. Good luck, hang in there!
Mending1985 Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 Rogue, you can't blame yourself for falling in love with someone who doesn't love you back. Him not being in love with you says NOTHING about you, it says a novel about him though. He sounds scared to commit, thats all. Which at his age is sad to be honest. It's going to hurt for a while, and unfortunately I have no quick fixes for you By the sounds of it, you're doing all the right things, keeping your life going which is important! Just take your time, this was obviously meant to teach you something for your future x
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