LateBloomer Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 Man, was feeling better last week and felt like I was moving on a bit more. Breakup was back on 7/15 ... but NC has only been 2 weeks. Still, I've hit what feels like a brick wall this week. At any given moment, about 25%-90% of my brain is preoccupied with the memories, trying to figure things out and whatnot. It could be the time of year. This weekend would have been the "one year" mark since we first met. Ugh. I go back and forth between clarity (ie., she needs to see things on her own and so do I) and that other place which we all know and hate. Hope it gets better again. This brick wall is annoying. I try to break through with dozens of different tools, including: workouts, letting myself feel the loss, etc....
Mending1985 Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 I hate that place. I really really do. Think about this - it's about to rain in Brisbane. So when I go to get my lunch I will get rained on cuz silly me didn't bring an umbrella. Hope that at least gave you a giggle
Author LateBloomer Posted August 28, 2008 Author Posted August 28, 2008 The last sentence in particular.
Mending1985 Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 Alright now something useful. Start making a wish list of all the things you want to buy (whatever they are, car, xbox, pop-tarts etc) and then work out how long it will take to attain those things. I.E. Pop-tarts - today Xbox - Next month Car - 6 months House - 2 years Then keep that list where you can see it - BINGo you have personal goals that are not dependent on someone else. THEN write a random list of things you haven't done that you wanna do even little things like wear a stupid tie to work, or shave your head, get a piercing etc. and try to do a new one everyday - Hey presto - you've got something exciting to look forward to every day Sorry if this isn't helpful but lists REALLY work for me!
Author LateBloomer Posted August 28, 2008 Author Posted August 28, 2008 And have actually been working my way down those lists. Just like I said, this week has been somewhat of a brick wall. Oh well, I'm hoping when this latest (prolonged) storm passes I'll be in a better place. Been in this place since Sunday though. Ugh. Was doing much better last week.
Mending1985 Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 Well that's awesome! Have you considered getting drunk? Sorry thats not helpful advice...but that's what I do when it gets a bit much. Grab some of my friends together (which is an effort in itself) go out and get plastered, then the next day is spent feeling sorry for myself, and then the day after I'm usually so glad to be feeling normal again that the slump resolves itself!
Meaplus3 Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 Man, was feeling better last week and felt like I was moving on a bit more. Breakup was back on 7/15 ... but NC has only been 2 weeks. Still, I've hit what feels like a brick wall this week. At any given moment, about 25%-90% of my brain is preoccupied with the memories, trying to figure things out and whatnot. It could be the time of year. This weekend would have been the "one year" mark since we first met. Ugh. I go back and forth between clarity (ie., she needs to see things on her own and so do I) and that other place which we all know and hate. Hope it gets better again. This brick wall is annoying. I try to break through with dozens of different tools, including: workouts, letting myself feel the loss, etc.... Little steps each day you will get there. Hang in there and best wishes to you. AP:)
Author LateBloomer Posted August 28, 2008 Author Posted August 28, 2008 Little steps each day you will get there. Hang in there and best wishes to you. AP:) Tryin ... Tonight has actually been the hardest, and most procrastination filled, to get a workout in ... since the breakup. Ugh.
Mending1985 Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 Maybe you need to just have a wallow-y week....
Author LateBloomer Posted August 28, 2008 Author Posted August 28, 2008 Maybe you need to just have a wallow-y week.... I'd rather not ... but yeah ... seems like I don't have much control beyond what I've fought to have so far. Ugh.
Meaplus3 Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 Tryin ... Tonight has actually been the hardest, and most procrastination filled, to get a workout in ... since the breakup. Ugh. I think you should try and keep busy. Distraction can be your best friend on tough days. So go and get that workout in. AP:)
Mending1985 Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 Well you've done everything that I would've done by now to pick myself up a bit...and you're doing much better than me cuz by now I would've called the ex crying - so you're really strong!!!
Author LateBloomer Posted August 28, 2008 Author Posted August 28, 2008 Well you've done everything that I would've done by now to pick myself up a bit...and you're doing much better than me cuz by now I would've called the ex crying - so you're really strong!!! Well, I'm not sure about your specifics, but our last three conversations where characterized by such an increasingly harsh coldness. Her rewriting of history just became more and more extreme. When we last spoke, I got the feeling she was almost saying that she never loved me ... and that maybe we should have broken up six months earlier. Unbelievable. So painful and harsh words (or anything else really ... neither art, poem, nor music) can't describe. We had such a beautiful thing ... which she balked at as we got closer and closer, in more and more romantic situations ... trips to Europe, the redwoods, etc... I'm still dumbfounded by it. But I also understand that the completely bizarre, rapid turnaround is indicative of much deeper issues that I can only hope one day she sees. The hardest part is wrestling with the notion that ... if I truly love her I have to let her go and only hope that she sees these things one day and grows. You simply can't force a person to see deep, painful trauma until they're ready. My issues prevented me from helping her in a real way while in the relationship. I still have to fight internally to keep from kicking and kicking myself about that. It's hard because I see ... the potential we had to have what I still feel would have been the most beautiful partnership ever ... period. The person I've grown to become in the last month could surely do that now (I move quickly when applied) ... but ironically it took losing her to galvanize me into finally working towards becoming the person I've wanted to be (and was, long, long ago). But I'll keep swingin' ... no doubt. Just gets tough sometimes as we all know. I hope the days to come get easier again. If not, I'll still keep swingin' ... and posting here about how hard it can be sometimes. For some of us I guess, love really never dies. You just fight like hell to learn to live with it.
BCCA Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 I feel for you. I hit the brickwall every so often myself, just get ovewhelmed with the emotions of it all. But you cant give in, dont let them beat you. I would just tell myself "what can I do?" whenever I was starting to worry about how terrible it was that I got dumped. Honestly, there is nothing you can do about it anymore, and its not worth feeling like crap over. The list and working out is good. Just do what you can to get through the rough spots without caving and doing something desperate like breaking NC. Try to keep busy and have people around you whenever you start to feel down. Time is the only thing thats going to help, but it sounds like youre doing all the right things.
Author LateBloomer Posted August 28, 2008 Author Posted August 28, 2008 I feel for you. I hit the brickwall every so often myself, just get ovewhelmed with the emotions of it all. But you cant give in, dont let them beat you. I would just tell myself "what can I do?" whenever I was starting to worry about how terrible it was that I got dumped. Honestly, there is nothing you can do about it anymore, and its not worth feeling like crap over. Well, don't really feel like "crap" so much. Just sad. Tragedy happens in the world. Love dies sometimes when it deserved to live. But yet I also know ... moving on is the most important thing to do when that happens ... especially when there's nothing more you can do. The list and working out is good. Just do what you can to get through the rough spots without caving and doing something desperate like breaking NC. Well, that surely is not going to happen. I'm aware and present enough to know all that would do is open the old wound and be the emotional equivalent of flogging myself with a barbed whip. Try to keep busy and have people around you whenever you start to feel down. Time is the only thing thats going to help, but it sounds like youre doing all the right things. I do when I can. I guess since it's been raining lately I'm only able to work out / jog. Biking to work has been out. But I think tomorrow it might be time to don the rain gear. Seems like anything under 1000 calories of exra burn per day leaves me vulnerable to this stuff. Oddly sometimes, it really does feel like a matter of endorphine dosage.
Mending1985 Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 Oddly sometimes, it really does feel like a matter of endorphine dosage. That makes sense...I used to do athletics so I would train 4-5 nights a week and compete once a week for a whole day in variety of track & field...when I stopped training and competing, I started to get really down. I think it is an endorphin thing - I used to be really happy etc. but once I stopped doing sports my depression skyrocketed and I went on medication. Now I'm on medication AND going to the gym so hoping they can balance each other out Go to your local gym and do a boxing class or something, that always gets me all motivated and pumped up (and a little bit full of myself lol)
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