tuscansun Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 I thank God on the good days, where I feel so strong, like my life is finally back in my hands, no more fighting, no more screaming or crying or being made to feel jealous or dealing with his bad attitude...... BUt then, There are days like the last couple days where I feel so inadequate. Like he dumped me for someone better. After three and a half years of being so in love, even if we did make each other furious, he's dumped me for someone he thinks is better. I'm only 23, he's 33, but mentally we clicked....we clicked enough for it to last so long. We were supposed to get married, both our families had planned for it and now, just like that, we're done and he has another girlfriend who's a lawyer like him, who's in her thirties, like him.....and the way it all happened was so shady that my friends are relieved I'm away from him. He lied about so much and I'm a pretty tough girl, so when I found out about the lying I was strong enough to walk away, but I HATE feeling like he and everyone else we used to know thinks she is a step up from me. Im young, I haven't finished college yet, I'm still college student broke trying to figure out my life and my education and now trying to figure out life without him in it....it's so hard. I go to Church, I'm drawing near to God again, trying to have Faith....trying to not be so down on myself but it's been such a slap in the face... He used to adore me so much, we definitely had our problems but I never thought in a million years he would try dating someone else and that it would turn into what it has: him having a new girlfriend and me just hating him so much fo rit that I can't even speak to him. How dO i stop feeling so inadequate, so underneath them? People say, don't feel bad, you're young, you're not expected to be an attorney or own a house or whatever at your age. But how can I stop feeling that?! I feel like, maybe if I had just had it more together, maybe if I had just finished school earlier....Irrational I know but it sucks to be this age and be in this position. If he was Mr. Mature than I could see why people would think that maybe this was for the best, but he WASNT. I was the pants in our relationship....I carried us, I made all the decisions...One of our biggest problems was that he struggled with insecurity and I hated that he caved so easily to peer pressure, so for people, be it family or friends, to say patronizing things like, "well maybe it was for the best, maybe he needed someone his age, he probably wanted a family blah blah blah". I just want to scream at them. WE were supposed to do that TOGETHER. at one point, unwisely, we even tried for kids...I was MORE than ready. We hit a rough patch and he went flying into the arms of a co-worker and the rest is history. ANd now here I am trying to pick up the pieces of my life and go on as if there wasn't a 3 and a half year interruption there...My heart and my pride hurt so much......
sunshinegirl Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Hi tuscansun, Ugh, I'm sorry. I know how it feels to wonder what "she" has that you don't, why you don't measure up, etc etc etc. (My ex cheated on me and left me for someone else.) With time, I have been able to get out of self-blame mode and get him off the pedestal. You probably can't see it now, but I think eventually you will be glad to no longer be with someone so insecure, and glad that you don't have to wear the pants in the relationship. It sounds like you were the only grown up in your relationship, and a lifetime of being the mature one, to his immaturity, would have sucked. For sure. Think about what you wrote below. IMO, the real test of a person, and a relationship, is how they handle the hard stuff. Your ex ran away - this is hardly the mark of a trustworthy person. This sounds trite, but would you have rather had this happen after your were married and had a kid or two? We hit a rough patch and he went flying into the arms of a co-worker and the rest is history. Like I said earlier, it's taken time for me to gain perspective on my own breakup. I would have been MISERABLE with my ex over a lifetime. He has craptastic coping & communication skills, and I finally understand that I deserve SO much more. So be gentle with yourself. These feelings you have are TOTALLY understandable...and, in time, I suspect your perspective will change. (((hugs)))
Author tuscansun Posted August 27, 2008 Author Posted August 27, 2008 Hi tuscansun, Ugh, I'm sorry. I know how it feels to wonder what "she" has that you don't, why you don't measure up, etc etc etc. (My ex cheated on me and left me for someone else.) With time, I have been able to get out of self-blame mode and get him off the pedestal. You probably can't see it now, but I think eventually you will be glad to no longer be with someone so insecure, and glad that you don't have to wear the pants in the relationship. It sounds like you were the only grown up in your relationship, and a lifetime of being the mature one, to his immaturity, would have sucked. For sure. Think about what you wrote below. IMO, the real test of a person, and a relationship, is how they handle the hard stuff. Your ex ran away - this is hardly the mark of a trustworthy person. This sounds trite, but would you have rather had this happen after your were married and had a kid or two? Like I said earlier, it's taken time for me to gain perspective on my own breakup. I would have been MISERABLE with my ex over a lifetime. He has craptastic coping & communication skills, and I finally understand that I deserve SO much more. So be gentle with yourself. These feelings you have are TOTALLY understandable...and, in time, I suspect your perspective will change. (((hugs))) So Incredibly helpful thanks. When you're going through it you feel like you're the only person in the world with a broken heart...... I like what you said about him running away. Over the months that we've been going through this, before I finally just said enough--this was something that kept coming up. I kept saying, I don't want to be married to you anyway if this is how you get...But it's so much easier to SAY then to actually FEEL....My FEELINGS still insist that if we were married he would have made it work. If one of my friends would have said that to me I would have corrected her, but its hard to correct yourself.... thanks for the hugs....hugs to you. Id like to hear your story. Im sure I could relate
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