Sinner86 Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Just to give a very rough background explanation here. I met my ex when I was only 14 years old (he was 19 at the time). We met through our mutual cousins (his aunt married my uncle and their kids are our cousins, but we aren't related... does this make sense?) and used to hang out all the time until one day he told me that he was attracted to me and liked me a lot. We ended up dating up until I was 17 years old when our relationship came to a VERY abrupt end. He was working under a fake alias because he was an alien in the country at the time and he ended up getting caught. He ended up getting married a few days after he was arrested (he got off because he was on a VISA) so that he could get his papers to stay in the country. The girl that he married happened to be a good friend of his when he lived in his country and willingly married him because of her interest in him. There was no way I could marry him because of my age and because two, our relationship was hidden from the elders in our family. He stuck it out with her for five years, and in those five years I had three other relationships which were good but only left me missing him all the time. Because we share relatives we used to see each other at the family get togethers, weddings, funerals... there wasn't a way to bypass not seeing each other without showing up and everytime we saw each other, it was so bitter. I wanted to badly to be happy for him and I'm pretty sure he wanted to same but we both kind of knew we wanted to be with each other. Three months ago we ended up seeing each other at a birthday party to which he came wife-less. I was appalled but didn't second guess the opportunity to say hi to him, so we chatted and he told me that he has been seperated, legally for 6 months and that his divorce was underway. in July we started dating again, but with no strings attached, we weren't sleeping together or anything....we were just basically getting to know each other again. A few nights ago, I spent the night with him and he told me that he had always been in love with me and loved me 7 years ago and that he loves me even more today. Of course I was floored because I felt the same way but of course, he'll still not yet divorced. Sometimes everything is really great and he's happy, and sometimes he's just very down and distant and I'm afraid he's just not ready for a commitment just yet. How do I continue a relationship with him while he is going through this healing process? We want to be together but he does require some time to heal - let's just say...the two right people... at the wrong time? How do I show him I'm there for him without being too pushy?? Any feedback, advice....PLEASE!
xpaperxcutx Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Give him space until the divorce proceedings are finalized. You don't want to get entangled in affair if the divorce doesn't go through.
orangesean Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Is it really considered an affair if they have been legally separated for six months AND are trying to get a divorce finalized?
Treasa Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Wait until his divorce is finalized, and then give him a few more months (at least) on top of that before getting involved with him.
Author Sinner86 Posted August 28, 2008 Author Posted August 28, 2008 His divorce will most likely be finalized sometime early next year. I guess it's just a matter of time. I have already started to give him his space. I stopped calling him two times a day and I've been leaving it up to him to conversate when he feels like... I hope I'm doing the right thing.
sunshinegirl Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 Having just lived through this, my advice is - do NOT get romantically involved or attached to him until his divorce is finalized AND he's had time on his own after THAT to recover. Even if he only married her for the visa, there is an emotional aftermath that is *very* unpredictable. My ex-boyfriend had been separated from his wife for over a year when we met; they had a crappy marriage and he seemed and acted like he was over her. I, in turn, thought we were different and special and I wouldn't be a rebound or anything like that. No. It didn't work out like that. He was severely traumatized by the divorce, at a subconscious level if nothing else, and he in turn crapped all over me, in the end cheating on me with someone from his office. I say all that just to warn you that even though you have history with this guy, it is NOT a good idea to get involved at this point. Back away, tell him to come back in a year, and if what you had was really so special way back when, it will still be special in a year.
Author Sinner86 Posted August 28, 2008 Author Posted August 28, 2008 ...and if what you had was really so special way back when, it will still be special in a year. I agree. I'm going to give him his time. I won't stop being his friend or answering his calls but I'm definitely not going to be emotionally/romantically attached to him anymore. & thank you orangesean for your grammar check.
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