amandaparker503 Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Hi. I posted here a while back about how i could not get over my break up with my boyfriend. We had a messy past, both have kids and we both got together far to early. We are both very passionate and firey.Any way we got back together , despite him telling me it was over. Everything was fine for 5 months , then back to square one. We argue like cat and dog, everytime we argue we end the relationship. We are both grownups not kids! Any way he went down my phone, he did not trust me, bascially when we split , he met someone else , i was gutted, i told him that i was going to get on with my life and i had met someone but was scared to go out with them. Any way he found out i went out with this guy on one day , nothing happened not even a kiss and he was then begging me back, that is how we got back together. So he goes down my phone and accussing me of texting this guy, i wasnt it was my friend terry. Now i leave my phone in the house all the time, i have no secrets , i would never chet , in fact i dont even look at other men, i love my boyfriend that is it. Any way , we split! Then he comes to find me and says look i want us to have a future, a child (he has 3) a house and i want to feel you love me to. So we get back together. A week later i feel really uneasy , i dont know why i just do. i tell him and he said he was feeling the same and after our camping trip he was going to tell me. So we end the relationship on the phone. We go camping , becasue our kids were expecting it. We get close , we cuddle, have sex and get close again. We get home he tells me he had a nice time and to phone him. I did and said i had a great time to. I really did. I looked after his girls, kept them happy. Helped them with everything from toothbrushing to playing, same as with my own son. He was not a particually hands on dad and that shocked me. ANy the next day , he tells me we are over , he is sick of our ups and downs and he is confused with his emotions, i keep pushing him away and he is just wanting to get over it. I text him and email himed for two days, he went mad, said look i have to accept this or we will never be friends. I met with him today and i know from knowing him , that this is over. He has just had enough of me. A little history about me, i have a few issues, i really love this guy and he has taught me how to express this and we are very close, very open and have great sex. However i push him away, i just cant seem to let people close to me. One minute i want him and the next i plan in advance when i cant see him(i dont tell him that) It is weird. Then when we break up , i want him so bad and go mad to try and get him) I have had abuse in my life and he knows that, i have never got help for it, although today i set the wheels in motion for that as i dont want to go through my life messing up everything that is good for me. I dont have the energy to argue with him, we just cant seem to agree on things, i try and explain myself and he wont let me. I know he has issues , but i take the whole blame, because i know i push him away. He said he was there for me , but i never let him help. The thing is , i know that i need to move on , i know things were not great, so why can i not move on, why do i keep thinking about all the good stuff, i am really scared he will meet someone else again, it only took him 5 weeks last time and he just was so cold, stood 10 foot away from me and said i need to pull myself together and get over him. He is my kickboxing instructor and i have to see him twice a week. I live for my kicboxing and i will not give it up. Wil i ever stop going over every detail of our relationship, i blame myself for everything and i just analyse everhing he says or i say. He wont ever be back will he? I sometimes wonder if i love him this much, or am i just relying on him as security for me and my boy. He says the fact that i am close to my boys dad is wrong, i need to get a divorce and no man will accept that i am close to my ex. There is no feeling with me and my ex at all. Even his mate said to me , he is adament that this is over. I am just confused. Alone. Scared. Jealous and every emotion going.
BCCA Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Well, you dont have to give up kickboxing, but you absolutely need to get a new instructor. Those kinds of 'forced visits' usually end very badly, or are extremely awkward. And what are you going to do if he starts cancelling/flaking on you? Dont wait, just go elsewhere. Human nature is to want what you cant have. Also, for about 1-3 months, all youre going to remember is that good times because you're trying to keep hope alive. Remind yourself of all the bad times, and how much youre really enjoying this rollercoaster. The best thing to do, albeit the absolute hardest, is to get on with your life. Its ok to keep a spot in your heart for this guy, but dont wait for him to come back. Honestly, most relationships dont work. Its sad but true. I am just confused. Alone. Scared. Jealous and every emotion going. Dont I know how that feels. It really, really sucks to have to go through this. But, you have to tell yourself that you ARE strong enough to get through it, and youll be a better person because of it. Just know its going to be bad for a while, but youll get past it. We've all been there before, hang in there.
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