lostboy23 Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 So many of you probably would say I'm leaving in a dream but that's exactly the problem. I'm 23 years old and I have a wonderful girlfriend and a great job. Everything seems to be perfect but I guess this is where the problems occur. For the very first 20 years of my life I had no girlfriend whatsoever and I always wanted to have one but was very shy to talk to girls, and I think I still am. I feel like I look better than what I was 5 years ago, my girlfriend also is telling me many times I look great, I'm more self-confident, my life when I was young was a life of someone who lived and actually still living in a bubble, things recently have changed. About 2-3 years ago I've found a job with a big amount of monies involved, I don't know how I did it but from one day to another my whole life has changed. I'm still saying to myself I'm only 23 years old and I'm already in a situation where only people in their 40s normally reach, perhaps. I did not expect to earn so much money but I did, I'm working on the Internet if you really want to ask, but let's put it aside now. I was in a short vacation in NY in the end of 2007 and there for the first time in my life I remember there was a guy standing in the street handing out cards to people, so I took the card and I saw there a commercial for a strip club. I did not go that day to the club but the image and the "new world" that is waiting for me made me feel like I gotta try it and so when I was back to my city I discovered there are many strip clubs around in a distance of 4-5 miles. My girlfriend didn't know about all this back then, and when in the very first times I went to those clubs I felt good in a way, I had not many feelings of regret, unlike the porn I used to watch. When I was watching porn I always, always felt regret if I got to a satisfaction from it but not with strip clubs. I feel like I'm addicted to those clubs and I told my girlfriend all the details about it so she's involved and she's trying very hard to help me get out of this addiction. I was fighting a lot against this pressure and it's really hard, I haven't been to the strip clubs about 4-5 months now and I feel like I "miss" those places and I dream of going there again. I locked a lot of my money in the bank so I won't be able to use it for these stupid purposes but I still have the money I'm using for my living and I feel like I can always afford to spend money there, I don't think control over the money will help me stop going there. I feel like I still haven't fallen into those strip-clubs completely which is good but on the other hand I'm into the addiction and I wanna get out of it before it's too late. I stopped for a very long time to watch porn and I feel less desire to watch porn but not with the strip clubs. In other words I will try to put it simple, I don't like to drink, I never got an alcoholic drink in the strip clubs, I actually don't understand why people come with their friends to the strip clubs and buying drinks, I think it's a place of yourself, your own ego, just go there and be there by yourself and only by yourself with no friends or rules, no drinks, just the ladies there. I'm feeling broken, I have a beautiful girlfriend and I feel like I will never be able to find someone like her in my life, I love her and I'm feeling like there will be a destruction if I won't stop my addiction to go to the strip-clubs. Yes, been 4-5 months without it but it's still hard, I've been there a few times so unfortunately I got affected and now I am trying to find the cure to this virus, which I understand cannot come in 1 day, you just need to stay away from it as much as you can and for more and more time. I need help, I think that money in life is good but when you have a lot of it give it to the others, as charity, I'm trying to do it now and be less ego, but I'm feeling like I can't fight with this world, it's full of commercials, ads, you see women naked everywhere. I wish I had a solution but I can't find it. If you have any suggestions please share them, I don't want to ruin my life, I want to be a different person, to help others with my money and not spend it on "fantasies" but how do I stop? how do I start a new life? How do I get rid of all those thoughts in my mind? -Lostboy23
xpaperxcutx Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 This could be a psychological issue. If you have the means, then you could definitely afford to see a therapist and have them dissect your brain to figure out your problems. Or you can join a support group for people with various addictions.
lilbo Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 You know what really gets on my nerves about people and strip clubs? It seems they never think about taking that extra money and spending it on their spouse , buying their S/O some flowers, or spending the money on something you could do as a COUPLE, or something to make your S/O feel really special, cementing even further your relashionship. No no, lets go blow it on some nasty person (yes I call you nasty if your a striper , that is no way to respect your body, might as well be a prostitute.) instead of using that money in a more positive manner. I myself like the OP am only 23, but to be honest you sound very immature and I strongly suggest you seek counseling with this. I believe in being honest and to the point. Why does it seem nowadays no one thinks of other people's feelings instead of Me , me , me.
nopainnogain Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 strip clubs suck. Bunch of money hungry beotches
Author lostboy23 Posted August 28, 2008 Author Posted August 28, 2008 Why does it seem nowadays no one thinks of other people's feelings instead of Me , me , me. You make a good point. Thanks for the advice.
norajane Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 I think it's a place of yourself, your own ego, just go there and be there by yourself and only by yourself with no friends or rules, no drinks, just the ladies there. Is that what you get out of going there? An ego boost by paying for attention from women who strip for a living? Spend that money on a therapist to help you figure out why attention you have to pay for is so appealing to you. Perhaps it's a control thing - now you get to make women take their clothes off for you when they wouldn't pay you any mind otherwise. Perhaps is a (false) ego boost - you like the attention, you like feeling like hot women are into you. If you are at a point where you are risking losing a woman who actually loves you for who you are just so you can go to strip clubs instead, you need professional therapy to help you work through your issues so this doesn't ruin your life.
zxcirce Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 You haven't really mentioned anything about friends. You said you're shy with girls, which makes it easy to understand why a strip club would be an inviting environment for you---the women working there are much more likely to be nice to you than random people out on the street, so there's less fear involved in being social. You have a girlfriend, and if you have any other close friends, maybe forming closer bonds with them will sort of negate the need you feel to have your ego stroked by women for money. It will feel a lot better too, in the long run. And by the way, I'm a stripper.
MalachiX Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 You know what really gets on my nerves about people and strip clubs? It seems they never think about taking that extra money and spending it on their spouse , buying their S/O some flowers, or spending the money on something you could do as a COUPLE, or something to make your S/O feel really special, cementing even further your relashionship. No no, lets go blow it on some nasty person (yes I call you nasty if your a striper , that is no way to respect your body, might as well be a prostitute.) instead of using that money in a more positive manner. I myself like the OP am only 23, but to be honest you sound very immature and I strongly suggest you seek counseling with this. I believe in being honest and to the point. Why does it seem nowadays no one thinks of other people's feelings instead of Me , me , me. That's right! And if you EVER dare to post on this board sincerely asking for help again, WE WILL GOUGE OUT YOUR EYES AND SKULL FU....sorry, got carried away.
yongyong Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 so you are bragging about what you have. if you lose everything, who will stay? even kids know stripper won't stay lol
sao2 Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 Hi Lostboy, congratulations on getting lucky in the business world. You sound to me like except for this problem you have a good head on your shoulders. I understand the appeal of strippers. Even logic and good sense go out the window once a stripper makes you feel good. Not even in a perverted way, in a very real way a good stripper is very good at making a man feel desirable. For one, you have to remember that it is all play. It isn't real, the second the 20's stop flowing they will be gone. Second, have you tried replacing this with a hobby or activity that will put you in contact with women? I have for a few years been salsa dancing and after doing that a trip to the strip club has lost all of its' appeal, well not all of it:). You could consider asking your gf to do a strip dance for you. Maybe she would get into it. Maybe there was a girl at the clubs in particular that got to you. I have found that if the girl I am with is uptight about her sexuality then I am more inclined to have the desire to visit a strip club then if I am with someone that is more relaxed. Anyways good luck.
lilbo Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 That's right! And if you EVER dare to post on this board sincerely asking for help again, WE WILL GOUGE OUT YOUR EYES AND SKULL FU....sorry, got carried away. I was trying to get my point across to him to think about his girlfriends feelings other than his own's.. I thought it was quite obvious:rolleyes:
LikeCharlotte Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 Hi lostboy23. I don't believe I've ever responded to you previous to this post. Although it may be your first. I haven't looked yet. I am going to suggest therapy; cognitive therapy to be specific. I wouldn't say that what you have is a sexual addiction but it isn't healthy and you are obviously aware of it. I see that you are attempting to gain control of the behavior and beginning to explore the reasons behind your actions but you really need support from a professional - that isn't a stripper. I'm glad that you are honest with your girl and she seems supportive. I'd suggest asking her to take a class or learn to "dance" but I'd fear that she might be insulted. I'm just thinking that it might be nice to get all of that attention from an appropriate source. On the other hand it might be destructive and encourage your addiction. I guess that is why I think you need a professional. As a side note, I think LS would be a good place to talk about your progress and to keep posting until you find a therapist that is a good match.
MalachiX Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 Lostboy, first off you should seek counseling like other suggested and get a more professional opinion on your problem. Based on what you've said however, this is my guess: You lived for a long time without the attention of women and being very shy. I'm guessing you weren't getting laid much or at all in those 20 years. Now you're more sexually and socially awakened and you want to explore what you missed. There are two problems with this however. You're in a relationship which you seem to think is "the one" and strip clubs are a really awful place to explore your sexuality and new found confidence (I'll get more into that in a second). As far as exploring your sexuality and relationshisp go, you really have to make a choice. Do you want to enjoy the "singles" lifestyle and catch up on all the stuff you missed or do you really love this person and want to stay with them. It's a hard thing when you get in a very serious relationship just as you're starting to feel comfortable dating (I've been in that place) but you have to decide what is important and accept your choices. It also kind of sounds like you're searching for validation and attention. You've apparently had very limited female attention and, now that you know what it's like, you want more. The problem is that strip clubs are fake validation. You're paying for it. At the ripe old age of 24, I've been to a strip club twice in my life, both times dragged in by friends despite my objections. I have however had friends who were former strippers and they've all told me the same thing: they're just working the guys in there. It's about money. They have no respect for those guys and don't give them a second thought. That's not the kind of validation that's going to make you a healthy person. I think one thing that might actually help you is to make some female friends. I'm certainly not saying cheat on your GF, but having female friends who you feel comfortable with socially, who you can make laugh and who trust you is a much better form of validation that won't compromise your relationship, will give you perhaps a better way to interact with women, and will be a much healthier way for you to grow and feel more comfortable with yourself. One thing which really is curious however is that you apparently feel guilty about porn but not strippers. This is really something you should tell a counselor as it sounds like there's more to this then I or anyone else am getting. I think getting off on porn is just fullfilling a sexual necessity where as actually paying someone to take off their close and interact with you gets into much more dangerous territory. I was trying to get my point across to him to think about his girlfriends feelings other than his own's.. I thought it was quite obvious:rolleyes: And you were also more than a little judgmental and also seemed to be getting off on kind of a rant. That was obvious too . I'm not saying I don't often do the same things when trying to make a point on a forum. I just reserve the right make fun of others when I get the opportunity because that gives me some validation in my life so I don't have to seek out strippers. I'm not saying it's healthy or very nice, it's just a lot cheaper .
citizen67 Posted August 29, 2008 Posted August 29, 2008 Hey lost boy - The advice (unanimous BTW) to go and talk to a counselor about this and resolve it is good. You clearly recognize that this more than just a bad habit - but more of an obsession, and having it is making you feel bad. You should be proud of yourself for reaching out here and asking for advice, because alot of men with your feelings would just indulge it secretly. Its causing you turmoil though - that comes thru loud and clear, and you also don't seem able to "get over it" on your own simply by avoiding the strip joints. It would be a major show of respect for your GF, BTW, for you to tell her that you are getting professional help to make this a non-issue. Good Luck!
Author lostboy23 Posted September 3, 2008 Author Posted September 3, 2008 I think LS would be a good place to talk about your progress and to keep posting until you find a therapist that is a good match. What LS stands for?
Author lostboy23 Posted September 3, 2008 Author Posted September 3, 2008 So far I've been out of it and talked again to my girlfriend and to a counselor about this but things aren't easy at all. Those feelings come back again now and I'm very exhausted with fighting against them over and over again. I don't know what's wrong. It's just something that doesn't leave me especially when I'm alone but I cannot be with friends or with my girlfriend all the times.
porter218 Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 So far I've been out of it and talked again to my girlfriend and to a counselor about this but things aren't easy at all. Those feelings come back again now and I'm very exhausted with fighting against them over and over again. I don't know what's wrong. It's just something that doesn't leave me especially when I'm alone but I cannot be with friends or with my girlfriend all the times. Before your strip club addiction what would you do with your alone free time?
Author lostboy23 Posted September 3, 2008 Author Posted September 3, 2008 Before your strip club addiction what would you do with your alone free time? I used to play games online, chat in forums, but now I see it as something that is less attractive.
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