l0stMike Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Fellow broken-hearteds, Within a week, I have to move out of Pennsylvania, where I was born, raised, and collegefied. I'm 23 and I need to get a "real world job". God does that suck. Anyway, after doing a lot of research, my profession fits best in Austin, TX. I have a solid network of guy friends there, all of whom are successful people thus far, and I feel that I could really benefit from including myself in that group and in that setting. This would normally be an easy decision for me. Pick up and move, simple as that. My only hangup is this: the only girl I have ever truly loved in my life is going to be there as well. I'm sure I sound like a lot of people here when I say this, but I really thought/think she is the one for me. She is 23, like me, and starting her professional life in the same city. We broke up on semi-mutual terms from a relationship that just wasn't right for the time, but it really seemed like we were right for each other. There was no cheating, no lying, nothing. Our love was pure, and she knew it and I knew it, but we both had our demons to battle and our skeletons to clean out of our closets. At the time of the breakup in April 2007 after a solid 18 months of relationship, I took a few weeks of NC and then played the desperate ex card. Looking back on it, I was a stupid kid and making stupid decisions out of emotion. I did that for about two months until I realized it wasn't getting me anywhere. I have since grown up and realized what to do and what not to do and how to play the game, so to speak. Since then, I saw her a few times over the last year because we were still in the same town together, but it was mostly NC. In April 2008, we both got extremely drunk (a side effect of college life) and were around each other, and she was telling people, my friends, that she still loved me. We didn't talk since then minus one occasion a few days later when we were civil with each other. Nothing happened, just casual talk amongst friends. She is blocked on Facebook and AIM with the exception of the telephone, which isn't really possible because I know her number by heart. I haven't seen her or spoken to her in four months since totally blocking her out, and I'll be honest, I still think about her every day. I actually had a dream about her last night all things aside. I am just wondering, or asking for advice really, if it is possible for me to be in the same city as her, with my own friends, my own happiness, and my own goals in life. I am not going to call her or text her or make any inclination that I am there, but I have a pretty good feeling that at some point, she will find out, and I don't know what will happen then. I never closed the door on her, nor do I regret anything that ever happened between us. If I do see her, how could I react, and how might she react? I really wouldn't mind trying to start things up again with both of us being in the same city, and I know now how to keep it cool. I have grown up since we dated, officially, and I am ready to show her the man that I have become. I wouldn't force it or anything, but it sure would be nice. If that never happened, Austin is also the #3 city in the country for singles aged 20-35, so I don't have a problem finding someone else. But my God, did I ever love that girl. I'd love to just tell her that I haven't stopped thinking about her since the day we broke up, legitimately, but I know I can't. Any advice would be appreciated. This decision has to be made by this weekend. I feel like I'm going to regret choosing to move elsewhere both for myself and the possibility of fate turning a good side for me whether its with her or some other lucky girl. Gah. HELP!
CaliGuy Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Are you sure you aren't moving just to be near her? I think in doing so you will get your hopes up. Are you trying to convince us this is the right move or yourself? Isn't there another city you could move to? And you blocked her on AIM and FACEBOOK. Why do you care now? You haven't talked in a long time. For all you know she could be dating someone else. How about you take your mind off her and put it on the life that stands in front of you. You're young and have your whole life ahead of you. I would emplore you to stop thinking about the past. It will only prevent you from living your future. Cheers.
Author l0stMike Posted August 27, 2008 Author Posted August 27, 2008 Are you sure you aren't moving just to be near her? I think in doing so you will get your hopes up. Are you trying to convince us this is the right move or yourself? Isn't there another city you could move to? And you blocked her on AIM and FACEBOOK. Why do you care now? You haven't talked in a long time. For all you know she could be dating someone else. How about you take your mind off her and put it on the life that stands in front of you. You're young and have your whole life ahead of you. I would emplore you to stop thinking about the past. It will only prevent you from living your future. Cheers. In the back of my mind, it might give me peace of mind to be near her and it will keep enough hope to not close the door on her, but that's it and that's where the consideration for her ends. She is from Florida and I'm from Pennsylvania, and I know if I choose to go to another city, that's it. End of story. There is really no chance at all that we will ever see each other again. Whether I'm comfortable with that or not yet, I'm not sure, but I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I AM living my future, and I could care less if she is dating someone else. We have both already dated other people since we broke up. WE, not just her. That's not the situation anymore either. It really is a great place for me to be both for the network that I already have established and the job opportunities that are available in that town for me. There's a top ten list of towns where its suggested that a tech-related entrepreneur should be to thrive, and I ruled out the towns I didn't want to be in at first and then applied to the rest of the places that were still left. Austin and Raleigh, NC, were on that list, and there aren't any jobs that fit my persona in Raleigh like there are in Texas. Yes, I do still have feelings for the girl, but they will not be acted on. I will be acting on myself down there.
Author l0stMike Posted August 27, 2008 Author Posted August 27, 2008 I mean, what if I just go down there with the mindset that it's never going to happen again? I'm about 99.99% sure it isn't going to happen again anyway, already, after the last year's events. The .01% chance though, stuff like that almost motivates me in a weird way. I don't know.
CaliGuy Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Well there are other cities on that list, correct? I personally don't believe you'd move to the same town unless deep down you had some thoughts about maybe getting back together with her. She isn't making any effort to contact you and you aren't making any effort to contact her. And I'm willing to bet that you find some way/reason/excuse to bump into her in the new town and act like "Oh hey, what are YOU doing here? This is fate…" kind of thing. I dunno. I'm not really buying this. You could choose to go anywhere. Going to the same town she is moving too is just way too obvious. If you have dated other women since her, there will be more. No sense moving yourself to a strange town to chase a woman who, for all intents and purposes, is already long gone. Cheers.
nowhereman82 Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 I believe you posted this same question a couple weeks ago. The same advice given then applies now.
Author l0stMike Posted August 27, 2008 Author Posted August 27, 2008 I did. You're right. When I posted last time, however, I only got one reply, and that was yours, haha. Then it got lost in the shuffle. This place is like Google. If you're not on the first page, you're nobody.
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