Dyhur Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 OK... I'll do my best to explain this. We met years ago in high school, and helped eachother through some of the worst times in either of our lives. We've been on and off for as long as I can remember, even though the reasons for us not being together have more to do with our financial situations, and my college living situation than any incompatibilities we may have. During a rather long period after I broke things off with her, she managed to get pregnant... (I know, I know) . The father is no father at all, and I'm now in love with the kid as well. I'm not willing to let her go, because she will be back, and I will always go back, no matter what. I guess I'm just looking for advice on how to proceed, how to keep things together while negotiating the tough road I know is ahead. I know the kid is #1, and I wouldn't have it any other way, that is why we are currently waiting to go any further... waiting for the pieces to fall into place so to speak. Any and all advice or opinions would be appreciated, if this makes any sense at all to anyone out there..
sweetbutcheeky Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Not sure what your asking. If you want to be together, you know you will always go back and she will be back, then don't break up this time. Work things out when they get touch vs breaking up. Look back on why you kept breaking up and solve those issues.
Author Dyhur Posted August 27, 2008 Author Posted August 27, 2008 i guess I'm not really sure what I'm asking either... maybe I'm wondering what the questions are that I should be asking.. I need sleep lol...
clare Moser Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Hey, It is always tough when children are involved. The laws of dating tend to fly out the window and you seem to be stuck. If you are too much of a nice guy she will get bored, but if you play the usual dating games she will think you are not stable enough for her family. I think you should be upfront with her, tell her you like her and that you are willing be with both her and her child. See what her response to that is and let her have some space! She has a lot to figure out, but just knowing you are there for her will I am sure be comforting. If you do get back together, make sure she is not just with you because it is easy and now she has a child it is harder to find someone else. (Remeber you broke up for a reason). Take care, Clare
rod_in_gtown Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 I almost don't want to respond because this hits close to home. You're in for a very very long and difficult relationship, things didn't work out before of A or B reason and it seemed like the smart thing to break up. I say leave it be. You're young and have your whole life ahead of you. It's not your responsibility to raise her child and no matter what you do you will never be his father. I know, I was there, I married a woman who I thought I was in love with who was pregnant when I met her. We decided to have the marriage quickly so that we could start our lives as soon as possible taking care of her son. But you will not be #2 or even #3 in that relationship, the order of things are: the son, the wife, the father of the baby and then if there are no other kids, maybe you. You won't have time or energy to form a relationship, you don't have the base you need to be there, and if her son is young and both of you are still in school then you shouldn't move in any direction but ahead with your own life. Ultimately the decision is yours but it seems you're with her because your heart grew fonder after the distance. Be smart, find yourself someone else, fall in love with her and create a family of your own with her. Don't leave your life to take care of someone else's mistake.
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