stillafool Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 When I was dating if a guy pulled that 3-5 day bull on me I wouldn't answer the phone or return his call for 15 days. I don't care how much I liked him.
CaliGuy Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Time and space is all I need to forget someone. And they add nothing to my desire to see them again - other than a bitter taste of wasted time. It's a game. You can call a situation "giving time and space" only if in the opposite case, you would be intrusive and possessive. In this case, calling the next day would make you seem "desperate" but you don't want her to know that. Don't make this rule about HER (giving HER time and space); it's totally about the guy, transparently adding fake "value" to his insecure self. But what if a man is genuinely busy? I don't wait more than three days. I think 5 is too long. I also think if you call the next day, unless she is receptive, it will seem needy. In fact, I don't care when you call, if she isn't receptive then it won't matter. Haha...Cali! Calling soon denotes high interest which can generate high interest in women. Regardless, if a woman/man isn't interested, nothing will generate interest, whether it's sooner or later. Case in point, the woman who called you Cali. It does only if she is interested. If she isn't then it won't matter when he calls, right? Case in point as you said, my date last Saturday. No interest on my part so it wouldn't have mattered if she called me 1 day or 5 days apart. I wasn't interested
CaliGuy Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 When I was dating if a guy pulled that 3-5 day bull on me I wouldn't answer the phone or return his call for 15 days. I don't care how much I liked him. So if you think he's playing a game, you'd play a game back? I get it. The question is if the man is really playing a game or if he leads a full, busy life. You're banking on him playing a game, but what if he isn't?
Jilly Bean Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 maybe so...but they're really thinking about the guy who did not call and why he did not call.... Yes, but thinking about why a guy did or didn't call isn't the same as still wanting him to... Women by nature are analytical. We like answers, and we like closure. For many, if a guy waits too long to call, we lose interest. I'm one of those. Doesn't mean I don't try to figure out why he didn't call - just means I no longer want him to...
Trialbyfire Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 It does only if she is interested. If she isn't then it won't matter when he calls, right? Case in point as you said, my date last Saturday. No interest on my part so it wouldn't have mattered if she called me 1 day or 5 days apart. I wasn't interested But that's just it. I think so many of these guys are afraid to be rejected, so they play this waiting game in hopes of increasing interest. Realistically speaking, the delay doesn't increase interest, but it can kill interest.
stillafool Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 I meant to say I might call him back in 15 days if I really liked him, maybe. I just feel if we went out and had a great time, call me right away, as soon as you get home or the next day. Otherwise I would assume he wasn't that interested in me and immediately start moving on. (I always had low self esteem) so it didn't take much to make me move on and scare me back into my corner.
rod_in_gtown Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 I don't abide by those "dating rules" If I like you I'll find some reason to call next day or 2 days later. And will probably try to get a second date in during the first date so that there is nothing "up in the air" when we say good night.
Art_Critic Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Otherwise I would assume he wasn't that interested in me and immediately start moving on. To me that is what waiting 5 days to call someone you just had a date with says .. It says not interested enough to pick up the phone.
CaliGuy Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 But that's just it. I think so many of these guys are afraid to be rejected, so they play this waiting game in hopes of increasing interest. Realistically speaking, the delay doesn't increase interest, but it can kill interest. Thus the 3 day rule. 1 day is too soon. 5 days is too late, so a happy medium is chosen. It's supposed to create some anticipation.
nopainnogain Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Uually when I get a girls # I wont call at all. So incase if I run into her again shell be like " why didnt you call" then ill for sure know she is interested and ill have the upper hand haha But if I really dig her, probably a week or so.
Trialbyfire Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Thus the 3 day rule. 1 day is too soon. 5 days is too late, so a happy medium is chosen. It's supposed to create some anticipation. Straight up Cali. If a guy were to try that on me, I would blow him off if he waited 3 days, regardless of reason. He's either interested or he's not. If he can't make a few minutes to call me the next day, that tells me he's either gaming me or not interested enough. In either situation, no go!
CaliGuy Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 I meant to say I might call him back in 15 days if I really liked him, maybe. I just feel if we went out and had a great time, call me right away, as soon as you get home or the next day. Otherwise I would assume he wasn't that interested in me and immediately start moving on. (I always had low self esteem) so it didn't take much to make me move on and scare me back into my corner. I bolded what you said that I honed in on. It's your insecurity that is making you upset. If a guy had a great time but is tied up and/or busy and can't get back to you right away, it doesn't mean he isn't interested. And I think a confident, secure woman wouldn't be bothered if he didn't call right away to set up date #2. (remember, over-eager is bad). I do the one call thing. If she doesn't call me back, that's it. I don't chase, beg or plead. I don't wonder anymore if she really liked me. All I rely on is actions. Because no matter what someone SAYS to you, the only way it means anything is if their actions MATCH their words. So if the guy really likes you, he will call within 3 days I would think. Again, I think anything more than 3 days is rude. Two days is acceptable. One day is a little over-eager. But that's just how my brain works.
CaliGuy Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Straight up Cali. If a guy were to try that on me, I would blow him off if he waited 3 days, regardless of reason. He's either interested or he's not. If he can't make a few minutes to call me the next day, that tells me he's either gaming me or not interested enough. In either situation, no go! So if he does call the next day (or after the date), he's over-eager. If he waits 3 days, he's being rude. And we wonder why men are so confused when it comes to dating sometimes.
Art_Critic Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 So if he does call the next day (or after the date), he's over-eager. If he waits 3 days, he's being rude. And we wonder why men are so confused when it comes to dating sometimes. CG.. if you like someone express that.. by waiting your are expressing the opposite... Women like it when a man is interested in them and they run with the ball rather than fumble.. of course the feeling does have to be somewhat mutual..
Trialbyfire Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 So if he does call the next day (or after the date), he's over-eager. If he waits 3 days, he's being rude. And we wonder why men are so confused when it comes to dating sometimes. Nope. As previously expressed, most of my dates have set up the next date the same night. I don't see it as needy or desperate. I see it as a sign of high interest and confidence.
CaliGuy Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Nope. As previously expressed, most of my dates have set up the next date the same night. I don't see it as needy or desperate. I see it as a sign of high interest and confidence. Duly noted
CaliGuy Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 CG.. if you like someone express that.. by waiting your are expressing the opposite... Women like it when a man is interested in them and they run with the ball rather than fumble.. of course the feeling does have to be somewhat mutual.. See, men often want to make sure the feeling is mutual before they start calling for the second date. I mean, I totally understand why they would wait 3 days. And I can also understand why some women would dislike a man waiting 3 days.
dazed.1 Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 lol. But, alpha females aren't waiting around for anyone to call. They're already out with the guy who DID call. hahahaha right!
dazed.1 Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 See, men often want to make sure the feeling is mutual before they start calling for the second date. I mean, I totally understand why they would wait 3 days. And I can also understand why some women would dislike a man waiting 3 days. Can't guys tell if there is chemistry or not? I mean I could tell right away if a guy was interested just by the way the date went, the *googlie* eyes and butterfly stomach..... I think most guys think that leaving them hanging will keep them wondering, but is that really why you want a girl interested in you, just because she wants to see if you are interested in her? Sounds like dating reality shows.
Jilly Bean Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 OP - this has been my experience on the guys calling thing. If a guy is interested, hes going to call - regardless of how many days have gone by. Generally, when a guy has been really into me, I get a text on the way home AFTER the first day (or sometimes I get that the next morning) saying he had a great time, and will call me to set up date #2, OR, he has already asked for and arranged date #2 DURING date #1. To me, the guys that play the waiting games are doing just that - playing games. If I think we've had a great first date, and I haven't heard from a guy for days afterwards, I'm not sitting at home praying he calls me, I'm thinking he's a tool and I was probably wrong in my asssessment. It doesn't create interest or enthusiasm to make a woman wait for a call - it causes stress, anxiety, and for her to question her feelings for a guy. I think a *little* bit of the waiting game can be enticing, meaning, if a guy waits a few hours to return a text rather than 30 seconds. But anything more than that is going to be a huge turn-off.
CaliGuy Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Can't guys tell if there is chemistry or not? I mean I could tell right away if a guy was interested just by the way the date went, the *googlie* eyes and butterfly stomach..... Some can, some can't. I think most guys think that leaving them hanging will keep them wondering, but is that really why you want a girl interested in you, just because she wants to see if you are interested in her? Sounds like dating reality shows. See, that's the thing. I don't think they all are "leaving them hanging". Some of them might legitimately have busy lives! And if someone can't understand that and thinks I am blowing them off for not getting back to them right away, well, it's no wonder why so many of us are single. lol Maybe I'll start sending text messages. (I'm too busy to call you but can take 20 minutes to type this stupid message - LOL) Ok ok, I get it. Show your interest. Gotcha.
flc Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 See, that's the thing. I don't think they all are "leaving them hanging". Some of them might legitimately have busy lives! But really how busy can you be to not have the time to send a txt or do a 10min call? Really the message I get is that you are low priority in my busy life.
Balthazar Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 The three day rule is not etched in stone; nevertheless, there are logical reasons for its existence. No matter how well a date has gone, you guy mustn't call on the next day to avoid appearing needy - I am certain most females here would concur on this point. Furthermore, time is needed by the man and woman to sort out their feelings about how the date went. I actually want to give the woman time to sift through her emotions and she how she truly feels. If her feelings are positive, the extra time allowed will build up her enthusiasm and she will look forward to my call, which will follow on the third day. DO I always follow the three day rule? No, I sometimes call on day 2 if I feel the situation requires it. If I call after 3 days, it is usually because I am not certain about my feelings for the woman or because of a very busy schedule or some sort of personal crisis. I have never called after a week. CHeers,
alphamale Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 well my elegant solution of "when to call" is i actually tell them after the date when i'll be calling again. like the date is finished, it went well, we necked a bit then i say: "i'll call you middle of next week..." then i call the middle of next week. it may be 6 or 7 days away but i've broken no rules nor told any lies
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted August 28, 2008 Author Posted August 28, 2008 Well, by saying that you understand not calling the next day cuz it makes them appear "too eager," you're giving the rule your full support - you only want to negotiate the number of days. I understand that some guys don't want to seem desperate or too eager, I'm not saying that I think that they are if they call me the next day. Not supporting any rules or games. Yes, but thinking about why a guy did or didn't call isn't the same as still wanting him to... Women by nature are analytical. We like answers, and we like closure. For many, if a guy waits too long to call, we lose interest. I'm one of those. Doesn't mean I don't try to figure out why he didn't call - just means I no longer want him to...Yes and even if the guy didn't feel anything or want to go out again then I would rather know then no call. Just a quick call or email saying he didn't feel chemistry or something like that. (though I think you need more than one date to figure that out personally) Which is the only reason I would think about calling, just like answers. Ya I also loose interest and assume he wasn't interested and move on. well my elegant solution of "when to call" is i actually tell them after the date when i'll be calling again. like the date is finished, it went well, we necked a bit then i say: "i'll call you middle of next week..." then i call the middle of next week. it may be 6 or 7 days away but i've broken no rules nor told any lies Can't always believe that though, cause we have all dated those "I will call you guys" too (that don't call) Not saying your like that.
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