sweetbutcheeky Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Guys why do you wait 3-5 days before calling the woman again after a first date to make plans for a second? We aren't in high school anymore, so what's the deal? I understand not calling the same or next day, too eager. Thanks
Lucasarts Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 i never abide by any rules but my own i'll call you the next day if the first date went that well i wont call you ever if it went badly i'll call probably in a week if i feel like its worth another shot
Prodigal Princess Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 The games continue well after high school, honey. In fact they just get more complicated. In any case, you already answered your own question - calling the same or the next day is too eager. So you have a window of the next 3 - 5 days to make your next move. One of my guy friends says he always waits 4 or 5 days because if you call on the 3rd day it's obvious you were just abiding by the standard "3 day rule" and thats just as lame as calling immediately. I think calling on the fourth or fifth day is fine at the very start of a relationship, as long as Im given enough notice before the next date.
sinlovehurts Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 I have guy friends who always say this to me... It's against "Man Rules"... when I ask why, they say, it's not to be discussed with a girl. It's a guy thing... *shrugs* MEN! LOL
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted August 27, 2008 Author Posted August 27, 2008 The games continue well after high school, honey. In fact they just get more complicated. In any case, you already answered your own question - calling the same or the next day is too eager. So you have a window of the next 3 - 5 days to make your next move. One of my guy friends says he always waits 4 or 5 days because if you call on the 3rd day it's obvious you were just abiding by the standard "3 day rule" and thats just as lame as calling immediately. I think calling on the fourth or fifth day is fine at the very start of a relationship, as long as Im given enough notice before the next date. No didn't really answer my own question because 2 days after is different than 3-5. I think the 3 date rule and other bs is just that. If your interested call, if you don't you may loose out. Will have moved on cause you may give the impression your not interested or the schedule may be booked up with other guys and other things. I have no patience for games. I am asking because I went out on a first date and he called for a second but after 5 days. Obviously didn't want to ask him why he didn't call sooner! lol MEN!
Trialbyfire Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 These dating rules are so ridiculous. The next time a guy calls between 3 - 5 days, just tell him: "Darn, if you'd called me a couple days earlier, I wouldn't be so booked up. Latah!"
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted August 27, 2008 Author Posted August 27, 2008 These dating rules are so ridiculous. The next time a guy calls between 3 - 5 days, just tell him: "Darn, if you'd called me a couple days earlier, I wouldn't be so booked up. Latah!" I totally agree! I have a second guy who asked me out when he gets back from a trip (I was sick when he asked me out before he left) so isn't my only option and whatever happens happens anyway. Though I like to know where things stand, if you wanna go out again let me know! If not, let me know! No games. If a guy hasn't called in 4-5 days, bad idea to call him or let him call you?
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted August 27, 2008 Author Posted August 27, 2008 The only reason guys do that is because women do it as well as respond to it. It I like a girl, I want to call her right after the date but that can be perceived as needed. The down side for a guy waiting a few days to call is that romance can fizzle out. Anyway you are a very kool girl if you are kool with being called right away. Even if a guy called me the next day I wouldn't feel that was needy. If he called, wanted to know the date, time and work out dating a schedule then I would be running! (That did happen before but after 3 dates lol)
Trialbyfire Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 I totally agree! I have a second guy who asked me out when he gets back from a trip (I was sick when he asked me out before he left) so isn't my only option and whatever happens happens anyway. Though I like to know where things stand, if you wanna go out again let me know! If not, let me know! No games. If a guy hasn't called in 4-5 days, bad idea to call him or let him call you? I wouldn't call him. If he's not interested enough to call in 4 - 5 days, then he's not that eager. The only reason guys do that is because women do it as well as respond to it. It I like a girl, I want to call her right after the date but that can be perceived as needed. The down side for a guy waiting a few days to call is that romance can fizzle out. Anyway you are a very kool girl if you are kool with being called right away. You bet a girl can lose her interest, fast, when a guy doesn't appear to be interested. Forget the concern about needy. If you want to impress a girl with your interest, be confident enough to call her right away. No hemming or hawing. The more assertive you come across as a guy who knows what he wants and isn't afraid to go after it, the more success you'll have. Of my dating history, the guys have pretty much defined the next date the same night. I guarantee you, none of these men were needy, just pure confidence in their abilities to get a yes and it worked.
IrishCarBomb Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Screw the rules... If I call too soon, I may appear too eager. Or I may appear sincere. Or I may appear confident (as though I don't have to abide by any rules, or that I am above them). Or I may appear crazy/stalker/etc. Or I may appear any number of other random things that result from the huge number of factors that make us form an opinion of another person. The same can apply for calling late. As a guy, here's what I think: If the timing of my call is what causes the relationship to fall apart, she really didn't like me all that much anyway. For you girls? Stop being so concerned about when we're going to call, and go about your own interesting lives.
Trialbyfire Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 As a guy, here's what I think: If the timing of my call is what causes the relationship to fall apart, she really didn't like me all that much anyway. For you girls? Stop being so concerned about when we're going to call, and go about your own interesting lives. What relationship? We're talking about the initial stages of dating. How can someone like you a lot, when they barely know you? If anything, they're going to be judging you by your actions. If your actions take too long, it says you're not terribly interested.
underpants Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 2 days maximum-ish. If you like them and are interested, you call. Anything else and you are playing games (ego), or insecure about when to call her/him (weak), or you have been in jail (do not pass go). If someone waits 4-5 days to call you then just answer and tell them that they have obviously watched Swingers way too much and that they are not money. If you like her or him call within a couple of days. Grow up people.
RecordProducer Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Guys why do you wait 3-5 days before calling the woman again after a first date to make plans for a second? We aren't in high school anymore, so what's the deal? I understand not calling the same or next day, too eager. Well, by saying that you understand not calling the next day cuz it makes them appear "too eager," you're giving the rule your full support - you only want to negotiate the number of days. For me, if the guy isn't eager to talk to me and doesn't call me within the next 48 hours, I consider him Mr. Wrong, because he is either not quite interested in me (bad points) or plays games (even worse points). I do want a "desperate" man in my life, someone who hasn't had sex in the past 12 months - not someone who has a list of friends with benefits and just added me into his Sunday-afternoon slot.
CaliGuy Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Guys why do you wait 3-5 days before calling the woman again after a first date to make plans for a second? We aren't in high school anymore, so what's the deal? I understand not calling the same or next day, too eager. Thanks Yes, it's simply to seem "not too eager" and to give her some time to "wonder" if he is thinking about her. It's not a game, IMHO. It's simply giving someone time and space.
CaliGuy Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 What relationship? We're talking about the initial stages of dating. How can someone like you a lot, when they barely know you? If anything, they're going to be judging you by your actions. If your actions take too long, it says you're not terribly interested. I don't think 3 days is too long. I think after the first date if things go well, you plan a second date. After that, play it by ear. There's also the fact that some guys are just busy with work. I'm a good example. If I don't call someone by the third day after a date, I'm either really busy or not interested. Take this last date I had. She really wanted to see me again and contacted me the next day. I was going to wait to think about how I felt before contacting her, but she beat me to the punch and well, she made me make a choice. My decision was she wasn't my type. It would have been nice to have a few days to think about it, but she didn't give me that choice. I think if you're a health, happy individual with a busy life, 3 days isn't so bad. I think anything longer though and you're pushing it. TBF, I'd have called ya in 2 days
RecordProducer Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 It's simply giving someone time and space.Time and space is all I need to forget someone. And they add nothing to my desire to see them again - other than a bitter taste of wasted time. It's a game. You can call a situation "giving time and space" only if in the opposite case, you would be intrusive and possessive. In this case, calling the next day would make you seem "desperate" but you don't want her to know that. Don't make this rule about HER (giving HER time and space); it's totally about the guy, transparently adding fake "value" to his insecure self.
alphamale Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Guys why do you wait 3-5 days before calling the woman again after a first date to make plans for a second? why don't women call for the second date?
Jilly Bean Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 why don't women call for the second date? Because we expect alpha males to do it.
alphamale Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Because we expect alpha males to do it. so then wait until we're ready to call....if we're interested we will (eventually)
Jilly Bean Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 so then wait until we're ready to call....if we're interested we will (eventually) lol. But, alpha females aren't waiting around for anyone to call. They're already out with the guy who DID call.
alphamale Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 lol. But, alpha females aren't waiting around for anyone to call. They're already out with the guy who DID call. maybe so...but they're really thinking about the guy who did not call and why he did not call....
flc Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 For me if the date went well I will tell her at the end of the date that I want to get together again and I will call her to set it up. I may call the next day if the date went really well but I probably follow up the second day more often. I don't get these silly games either, if I like someone I let them know it and I expect to be together frequently. All these games do is cause confusion and angst and make dating an act of mind reading.
engravefeelthevoid Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 if its going well..I call on the same day to confirm the phone number.....then call the next day to make her feel certain that there is attraction between us (that is if i felt she liked me so as to remove the uncertainty)...if the girl was tough..I wait a day or two after asking her friends about the best move KNOW HER FRIENDS !!!!!
Trialbyfire Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 I don't think 3 days is too long. I think after the first date if things go well, you plan a second date. After that, play it by ear. There's also the fact that some guys are just busy with work. I'm a good example. If I don't call someone by the third day after a date, I'm either really busy or not interested. Take this last date I had. She really wanted to see me again and contacted me the next day. I was going to wait to think about how I felt before contacting her, but she beat me to the punch and well, she made me make a choice. My decision was she wasn't my type. It would have been nice to have a few days to think about it, but she didn't give me that choice. I think if you're a health, happy individual with a busy life, 3 days isn't so bad. I think anything longer though and you're pushing it. TBF, I'd have called ya in 2 days Haha...Cali! Calling soon denotes high interest which can generate high interest in women. Regardless, if a woman/man isn't interested, nothing will generate interest, whether it's sooner or later. Case in point, the woman who called you Cali.
Art_Critic Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 I've never used any rules regarding this.. If I want to talk with a girl.. I call her.. period.. I've had many good relationships and many of those began with me calling them either right after the first date , that night or the next day.. or emailing them the next morning.. One particular girl I called as I was pulling up in my driveway after leaving from the dinner date just to tell her that her goodnight kiss lasted the whole ride home.. That relationship was full of passion and lasted 5 months... I always go with the flow and do whatever.. no rules whatsoever...
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