nowhereman82 Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 So I have been talking to this girl for awhile and it comes out that she is a virgin. Now you don't run into that too often and frankly it seems like a deal breaker. Honestly don't know if she does everything but sex or what the deal is. I put personality first but sexuality is a close follower since I consider myself pretty comfortable with sexuality. Has anyone had any experience dating virgins? I imagine I should just keep it as it is and pursue nothing more.
Lucasarts Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 why r u so scared that shes a virgin? i'd only be scared if she didn't know how to perform oral. . .teeth hurt! other than that, its only the first few times that'll b a bit awkward and uncomfortable for her and you. . .but aside from that, you shouldn't have a problem. You already said your comfortable sexually, so teaching someone the pleasures of sex and the various things it comes with won't be so bad.
Author nowhereman82 Posted August 27, 2008 Author Posted August 27, 2008 She is saving herself for marriage and is 22. And I haven't broached the topic if she is completely not sexual or does oral. I couldn't live with only hand jobs lol.
Lucasarts Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 oh hell no then girls who wait for marriage. . .well they can keep waiting move on my friend. . .to someone who enjoys life's pleasures without the serious commitment first
jadedone Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 The odd coincidence, I've started dating one too. Mine is 26 and waiting for marriage. So is so perfect in every other way, I really want to give it a try. I haven't asked, but I get the impression has done oral, so that may at least work.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 If she doesn't want premarital sex, then you shouldn't hang on to her and expect her to give in. That's like saying you're only dating her because you expect to pop her cherry.
JoeNewbie Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 "Old virgins" are an entirely different mentality. I could not stand it - not because I wouldn't get sex but because I wouldn't be able to stand her conservative views. It's a whole different world - and it ain't mine...
rod_in_gtown Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 I really don't get the whole "waiting until marriage" thing. I guess you can go and buy a house on pure blind faith, but I would like to get an inspector there to take a look and tell me what the problems are with the house and if they're fixable. I would hate to make the commitment only to find that the pipes are all lead. Unless you plan to marry this chick, let her wait for her virgin to come along. to me, that's just more trouble down the line, and I agree with JoeNewbie on this one, it's not so much the "no sex" part, is the mentally retrograde attitude. I need to have someone more progressive in my life. Not someone who is mentally stuck in the 18th century.
Suiyobi Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 She is saving herself for marriage and is 22. And I haven't broached the topic if she is completely not sexual or does oral. I couldn't live with only hand jobs lol. Well then, "broach" the topic. Otherwise, let her go.
A.G.Doren Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 I think you should be talking to her about this rather than us. Are her views on sex actually conservative? Does she enjoy the other physical aspects of a non-sexual relationship? Waiting for marriage doesn't automatically =prudism. I know some kinky vrigins that just view sex as sacred and therefore only to be shared with a very special person, but they're still damned kinky. Whoever they marry is gonna have a darned good time in the sack. So talk to her. Find out why she is waiting. Find out if her world view is as conservative as some think. If you want to get married down the line, marrying this virgin might be a good thing. She probably doesn't have a lot of relationship baggage, and sexually you can mold her.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 How about not treating her like a sexual object but more of a human being? If she wants to be virgin, that's her own personal choice, in no way does that make her a prude.
rod_in_gtown Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Personal choices do say a lot about how a person views other aspects of their life. So, yeah, actually choosing to be a virgin, makes her a prude.
carhill Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Personal choices do say a lot about how a person views other aspects of their life. So, yeah, actually choosing to be a virgin, makes her a prude. In your opinion. The important part of that is it only belongs to you. It's irrelevant to the rest of the world Growing up will help you with that. I'm with xpaperxcutx on this one, OP. Don't second guess her. Be straight up and respect her perspective. If it controverts your own views of sex and intimacy, you're incompatible. Move on
Author nowhereman82 Posted August 27, 2008 Author Posted August 27, 2008 Woa....I think yall misread or misunderstood. I don't want to take any ones virginity. I respect her decision. But I am also a sexual human being. Papercuts....I'm concerned about the future...Personality is #1, but there is no way no how I could date someone for a half year or longer and have no intimate connection other than kissing and hugging. I think my testicles would shrivel up and fall off! Anyhow. I know I need to talk to her about it. I was just curious if anyone has had any experience with the subject....as this forum is all about sharing experiences and insight.
rod_in_gtown Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 btw, xpaperxcutx, my comment wasn't meant to be a personal attack, I re-read it and sounded a lot more hostile than what I meant it to be... and carhill yes. that's my opinion only, I forgot to add that in my post
A.G.Doren Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 prude- a person who is excessively proper or modest in speech, conduct, dress, etc. This definition comes from dictionary.com. The subjective part is the word excessive. So I guess it depends on whether or not you consider waiting for marriage excessive. And even then it really depends on how she views her choice.
Lizzie60 Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 I totally agree with post no. 7 and 8.. have a serious talk with her.. and if she doesn't bulge.. then you're not compatible.. therefore move on.. IMO she's too conservative.. and do you want to waste a few of your 'best years' waiting.. and what if.. she totally refuses to give oral.. then what? This could be a tactic for non-sexual people... who knows!
carhill Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 I put personality first but sexuality is a close follower since I consider myself pretty comfortable with sexuality. This is exactly where you need to have the talk. She may be on exactly the same page but wishes to wait to have intercourse. I know this from personal experience (being sexually uninhibited but wanting to wait until being in a committed LTR to have intercourse). It's a really big compatibility issue. Communicate man. She may be more mature than appears at first blush.
flc Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 This would be a deal breaker for me. Sexual compatibility is too important to leave until after you are married. Just my view, of course being 50yo my chances of dating a virgin are 0.0000%
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