MichiganMan222 Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 We've been split about a month. She needed her time. for two weeks I pushed her further away with begging and constant contact. After I wised up and went NC, she sent me a weird text that made me think she was having 2nd thoughts. So I flat out asked her if she was. She said yes. We got into a few more arguments but never went a couple days at a time NC. She is clearly and massively in love with me. She told me when we go NC, she looks for excuses to contact me. However, she admitted hanging with someone a few times (an old friend) but said nothing came of it including sex. She told the guy she couldn't hang out anymore because she couldn't stop thinking about me and it actually made it worse for her. My B-day comes and she says she has a gift. I tell her to bring it over. We talked...very emotional...some arguing, some blowing-up, some sobbing, some hugging and reassuring. She says she wishes things could be different, but can't be with me right now. Well things simmered down toward the end of the night...she makes a joke about not having sex for so long and wanting it real bad. But it was obviously one of those things she meant. So I asked if she was serious and I'd be happy to take her to my bedroom. She quickly says yes....so we have great sex. She wouldn't let me go down on her because she said she kinda let things go down there as far as grooming (we both like shaved). So after some quick foreplay, we go. She gets off almost immediately. It wasn't just sex either. Very passionate and tender sex with love. So after awhile, she leaves. We kind of go right back where we were. I want to be together and she wants time to sort things out. Two days later, out of the blue. She texts me that she wants to have sex again very badly. So I go over to her house. Its late. We go again. Exchange 'I love yous' and I leave. And that's where I am. Question. Is she trying to work it out with me for real or is she using me for sex while she looks for someone else? Honestly, I don't mind if she is using me right now as long as she's really sorting things out rather than looking. Better me than someone else. I'd prefer to keep any break we have from each other pure (no sex with others). What are your thoughts?
CaliGuy Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 To me at least, it sounds like you are being used. She is using you to fill a void (sex) until someone she thinks is better for her comes along. If I were you, I would see how at least 2 weeks of NC goes. Don't be clingy or needy with her. Don't talk about the relationship. Don't give in to her whims for sex. Why should she be motivated to work things out with you when she can have sex with you anytime with no commitment?
jmargel Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 She's immature and using you as a toy. If you continue this cat and mouse game you will continue to be on a roller coaster. You are reading way too much into this when all there really is, is selfishness on her part.
BCCA Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Its easy to get caught up listening to what she says, especially if its something you want to hear. But I think shes using you as well. Try, very nicely, saying 'I dont want to just have sex anymore. It has to be all or nothing. If you only wanted sex, than I understand if you dont want to call anymore. But if you want to reconcile, lets work on that instead'. Dont be at all shocked if you dont hear from her after that. Ive been in your shoes, and as much as I believed that "at least its me shes sleeping with" you get a cold reality soon enough. Its only you because youre her only choice at the moment. I learned the hard way that I would work until she met some one else...and when she did, I was old news.
Author MichiganMan222 Posted August 29, 2008 Author Posted August 29, 2008 We agreed to lunch. We had a nice normal conversation about what was going on in our lives since NC (work, family, etc). At the end of lunch I walked her to her car. There we talked for about 30 minutes about the relationship and notion of getting back together. She is very stressed and I have things in my life that add stress to her. Specifically a meddling ex-wife and a teenager that resents me not being with her mom. She said she wants a worry free life (she goes to school, works and has 2 kids). I add to her worries but she loves me very much as a person (just not the stuff that comes with the package). She says she is torn whether to try again with the promise that I will do more to reduce the stress of my situation (tell the ex to go piss-off and work on getting my kid to accept our relationship); or whether to give up and move on which she admits she feels she will never ever get over me. I gave her my word that I would do my best to protect her from the things that stress her, but she doesn't believe I can do it. She said she's tempted to try just to prove to me nothing will change. This is a long weekend (Labor Day) and neither one of us has plans. I offered to take her to Grand Haven for a getaway, but she said she won't be able to find someone to watch her kids on short notice. Regardless, I'm fairly certain we will see each other again anyway this weekend to talk and probably end up sleeping together again. She and I had tons of great sex when we were together, and neither one of us is coping very well with going without it.
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