celebray69 Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 I've been in my first LDR relationship for a year but we first met three years ago and started off as friends. Over the past year I have flown out twice to see him while he was working over here in Noth America and once to his home country in Europe. This is the first time when we haven't had definite plans to meet up again since we got serious and I am finding it very difficult. We have agreed that the common goal is to eventually end up being close to each other and we both really want to try and be together. The problem lies with his indecision on what he wants to do with his life. At this point he is not financially independent and is tossing around the idea of finishing university. But nothing is set in stone. Before I left (about two weeks ago) we discussed him trying to come over to America to be closer to me. He had asked me to help him out. But since then has not really mentioned it and I'm not sure how I can help him if he doesn't tell me what he needs. Also a really good female friend of his resides in London and has told him that there are many opportunities for him there. He has decided to go out to London for a few days to see if he can make any connections. When he told me I tried to be as supportive as possible. He assured me it would be to try and find work so he can save some money to come see me. But I feel a bit strange about the situation because I feel like it doesn't make a lot of sense. He is also talking about returning to university. To me this means that we probably won't be seeing each other for awhile. I can't take anymore vacation this year to go see him. I was hoping he would make more effort to try and come see me. I want him to figure out what he wants to do with his life and I want him to be happy. Because if he isn't happy this will eventually affect our relationship. He has told me that nothing is set in stone and that we can work together in the next few months to try and come up with a resolution. He also said that he would keep me informed everyday on what he is planning on doing. I would really like to make this work and I know I have no control over this situation but I'm finding it very difficult. We talked tonight and it was one of those conversations which ended a bit wierd because we had nothing to say and I felt like I didn't want to bring this situatuon up again because we had discussed it the day before. So after we hung up I felt empty. Do you figure I should have a little more patience or do you think I would be a fool to wait? Thanks for taking the time to read this...
dazed.1 Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 It is the most important in a LDR to have a game plan. There are certain things that need to exist/occur IMO, these things are: 1) Open and honest communication. You have to be able to say very clearly what you are feeling and what you expectations are, and you should be aware of his feelings and expectations as well. This is extra important because you can not see eachother everday to express yourselves physically, for months at at ime words are all you have. 2) Always have a trip/reunion planned, this gives the couple something to look forward to, you are not left wondering "when?" because you know. My bf and I try to arrage flights for our next reunion during out current one, that way when we say "goodbye" we know for how long. 3) Have a timeline, be it a month, a year or ever two, but know when and how the LD part of the R will end. Lots of times this is indefinate but I think it is imerative that you have a common goal of being together at a specific time (give or take) in a common location. I know personally without that I would be feeling lost, but with it I can see the big picture and what it is all for. I don't think you and your bf have any of these. First and foremost you HAVE to work on communication. You have to tell him exactly what you told us here on this forum, seriously an email with those exact words would be good, you are being honest and to the point. Tell him you need to know where and when he plans on being wiht you because ldr are very hard and stressful and why go through it if he is not equally as dedicated. I really hope things work out between you two. Good luck.
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