any idea what is going on here

[geekinthepink]

So I am new to the forums. I am in my mid-twenties, rather decent looking (if I do say so myself) but as single as a slice of cheese. I blame a lot of it on not having the time to go out, and having friends who are all married. Anyway, I'll just dive right in and tell you the situation. There is this guy that I knew in High School. He and I are two years apart (he is younger) and after I graduated we didn't speak again until 2 years ago when we met up for drinks one night. Then about 3 months ago we started text messaging each other. I am not sure how it all got started, but we would text about 10 times a day, 2-3 times a week. It was very flirty, but fun at the same time.

Date 1: About a month ago he and I finally made plans to go to the movies. He was running a bit late, but kept stressing that he was paying for the ticket and not to buy it myself. We watched the movie, where he didn't try anything, but our arms were touching the whole time and during the scary parts I hid my head in his shoulder till it was over. We then talked for an hour afterwards before we exchanged a goodnight hug and I got in my car and drove off.

Date 2: He moved into a new place that same week and asked me when I was going to stop by to see it. I ended up going over early the following week right after work. He gave me the tour and we watched some movie that was on tv and he asked me if I wanted to go to dinner. Again he paid, and afterwards we headed back to his place where there was an awkward 5 minutes where we both knew we wanted to kiss each other but were too shy/nervous to just do it. Finally after some play tickling he and I kissed and ended up going down on each other. There was no cuddling really, he offered, and said "you ok over there buddy" as i got comfy on a pillow. Then after a minute or two he said "wow you are quiet" I told him that I knew what this time was for (jokingly) and then for some reason he started singing some kids song and we play wrestled as I tried to shut him up. I gave him a back rub and he made a comment about how he liked that I keep him on his toes and how I can dish it out and take it (referring to how we tease one another) and said thanks for dinner, he walked me outside, gave me a hug and I took off.

Date 3: A few days later I asked him if he would walk around a neighborhood with me (I am looking to buy a house) when we got back to his place his roomate was standing at the front porch. He asked the guy if he was going to play basketball with him. "My" guy responded yeah sure, and the roomate walked into the house. "My" guy then held the door open for me. I said to him "well aren't you going to play basket ball?" he said yes. So I said, well then why would I go inside, and he said that I could hang out there, and I asked and to do what, he said hmmm good question. So I smiled and said I could just as easily do nothing at my place. Then I suggested I go watch him play. He laughed and said that would be far too embarassing for him to be seen playing ball. I joked back that I promised not to take pictures, and he said no, no one was allowed to watch him play. Then there was an awkward moment where we both stood there and I said "well I guess you need to go get changed" and I turned and walked down the steps to my car. He called out "ok, be careful driving home buddy" and I drove off.

Albeit I was upset he chose his roomate over me, I realized we had no set plans outside of what we had just done and guys usually can't tell their guy friends no. I was mad he didn't introduce me to his roomate, but after talking to a friend I decided to let it go. I sent him a text later poking fun at his basketball skills and then said "hmmm sweaty room mate over dinner with pretty girl you worry me sometimes" and he wrote back about an hour later with an LOL and that i was very clever in making fun of his athletic ability and height in the same text.

He and I were both really busy for the next 2 weeks, but I did ask him to find something out for me (it would help me at my job) and offered him a bottle of vodka for his troubles. Friday he gave me the info and I asked when he wanted me to drop off his vodka. He said anytime, so I asked when he was going out that night because I would be back near his area a few hours after work. We agreed I would stop by around 7ish. Well I called him when I was about 5 minutes away, asking he meet me outside as I was running late. He said he would leave the door open. I got there and he didn't answer his phone. I tried him 4 times and after I got no reply I put the bottle behind the bench on the porch and got ready to head off to where I had plans. He finally came outside as I was getting into my car. I walked over to him and he gave me a hug, then asked why i was just going to leave. I told him I needed to be somewhere in an hour, but with traffic and me running late, it as going to take almost 2. He said "oh I thought you were going to stick around for a bit" and I told him no, sorry, not this time. We talked really briefly about our plans for the night and then I told him I had to go. he gave me another hug and said it was nice to see me and I left.

Date 4? : I mentioned I am house hunting. Well I found the place on Sunday. I was so excited I wanted to show someone the pictures I took of the place. I called a few friends and they were all out so I called him and headed over. When I got there he stood very close to me as I showed him the pictures (our arms were touching) and then we went to his room so i could show him more pictures on the internet. He decided he was going to change clothes and proceeded to undress in front of me. I covered my eyes and joked "my virgin eyes" and then he started doing a goofy dance in his underwear. I laughed and turned away. He got dressed and then I caught him staring at me. I said "what?!?" and he looked at me with a "what?!?" expression on his face and I told him I felt like there was something on my face when he looked at me that way, then I turned to walk back downstairs and he grabbed me from behind in kind of a hug and said don't run away. I think he thought there was an open house because he was like so lets go see this place, and I told him that I just wanted to show him the pictures but we could go for a walk since it was so nice, at this point he had his arm around me with his hand resting on the small of my back, something he never does. He laughed and said "or we can just get naked" I half-jokingly said sure why not. We found a movie that I had been wanting to see on cable and started to watch that. About 10 minutes later he decided to "fall" on me while I was sitting on his bed and after a few minutes of joking around we started kissing and again ended in us both going down on one another.

When the recreational activites had ended he motioned as if he wanted me to lay on his chest. Since I don't know what is going on (are we dating, are we FWB) I thought it best to just lay on the other side of the bed next to him as I had before. (I figure if I don't cuddle I won't get attached) We ended up watching tv in bed together for a few hours. There was a little cuddling and some playful grabbing. We got dressed and went to grab food from a place down the street. On our way out his roommate was in the kitchen and "my" guy said "this is my roommate bob btw, in case you two haven't met" and we went to get food. He paid again and then we went back to his place, watched some sports center and then I realized how late it was and told him I had to go. He made a comment about me leaving him and I ended up staying for another half hour. I told him I really had to go and he walked me out. Again on the stoop he gave me a hug, but this hug was different. It lasted a lot longer and he held me really tight. Not playfully tight, but it did hurt a bit b/c of his watch. I said ouch and he said he was sorry, so i joked how he must not know his own strength and breaking me is such a nice way to end the evening. I got into my car and drove off. When i got home I sent him a text saying that I was sorry I monopolized his whole day, but that I did have a good time. he wrote back "anytime, I enjoyed the company"

 

Call me clueless, but I really have no idea if he likes me, or likes that we can have fun and get each other off. He is hardly ever touchy feely, but neither am I and he knows this. I must say though that I did really like how he was acting on Sunday before we made-out with his hand on my back, the playful hugging etc. The hug he gave me at the end of the night is what really has me confused. It was a very nice hug, but as I mentioned a lot longer than usual and tighter. Then his comment. "I enjoyed THE company". Was he being general or did he mean he enjoyed MY company. I know I am reading way too much into this, but that's what I do. LOL I overanalyze.

Do i like him? Yes. Am I ok with things being just FWB. Possibly. Would I like him to want to be bf and gf? Yes. My only major concern is that he is 24, I am 26. My friends are all married or close to it and in their early 30's and very late 20's. He is a partier. He goes out 2-3 nights a week and gets completely trashed. he has a ton of friends who do the same. I am afraid that despite the fact he thinks I am pretty and smart that he will think I am boring since I don't really want to go to the bar and drink so much that I barely remember the night. My friends and I play board games, we go out to dinner, we go to the zoo, museums etc. Every once in a while we go out and drink, but I am a light-weight. half a drink and I am 2 sheets to the wind. I may be a pessimist as I have had numerous failed relationships, but I am leaning towards the fact that i am older than the girls he hangs out with that its the "cool" thing for right now to "date" me and that he enjoys that he can get what he has out of the "relationship" without the drama that 21 year olds can cause.

I don't make it a habit to move so quickly in a relationship (ie the oral sex) and I told him that I don't do that sort of thing with all of the guys I hang out with. He said that he didn't think any less of me as a result. I just don't want him to think that i am just there for him to get a bj from or maybe more.

 

I know I've written something comparable to war and peace, but any advice on this situation would be greatly appreciated.

[Walk]

Aww... that was a great post.

 

You two sound like wild animals circling each other. Each one waiting for the other to make the first real move. The one that leaves the other person open and vulnerable. 'Cause each of you are scared shytless that the other isn't really interested.

 

It's cute!

 

I'd bet money on the fact that he likes you as more then a friend. Or put it this way... he likes you, he enjoys your company, it could develop into something more then friendship with benefits. But he seems to be following your lead, and you're keeping him at arms length for now.

 

Why not ask him? Phrase it as in: I really enjoy spending time with you, do you feel this could lead to more then just friends down the road? See what he says, then drop the topic.

[LionLover]

Yeah that was a very good read.

 

And like Walk said, you are going in circles. I know the number one thing for women in relationships is security so I take it you’re hesitant because you do not feel secure within your current arrangement?

 

Maybe your already emotionally invested, whereas he isn't quite yet. Which is okay (as I've come to learn) since not everyone is on the same page at the same time. But it does become a issue when that happens because the person who is emotionally vested, feels more open/exposed/vulnerable. And then they start putting unrealistic expectations on the person who isn’t invested/ready & then it turns into a big fat mess.

 

So at this point all you can do is continue spending time with each other & develop the relationship further. Hopefully there will be an environment for the two of you to do that.

 

But he really shouldn’t be following your lead. He should be leading you. There’s a poster on here named “CommitmentPhobe”. He gives pretty good advice on that sort of thing, despite his username lol.

[rod_in_gtown]

I loved that post. It was long abut it allowed us to live vicariously through your situation and get a little of a "reality tv" look into the dynamics of the two of you.

 

I'm guessing the whole "buddy" thing he keeps giving you started way before you started hooking up. I would never say hey buddy to a girl I'm being intimate with, even if it's only fwb.

 

It sounds like maybe he wants you to be a little bit more like the girl in the relationship, the one who brings up the "where do you think this is headed?" conversations. I for one, love to talk so when someone brings up the subject, I usually have no problem getting into it.

[rod_in_gtown]

By the way, is your username a reference to Jason Mraz's Song?

[geekinthepink]

By the way, is your username a reference to Jason Mraz's Song?

 

Yes actually, and also because I am quite the nerd. My friends call me "google" since I know a little about practicaly every subject, but its very much unexpected when you first see me. I am a very girly girl, so I hide my geeky/dorkiness pretty well

[rod_in_gtown]

Well, don't ever loose that. To me finding a girlie girl who is just as much of a dork as me inside is just plain awesome. I would rather date the awesome dork than the cool socialite.

[geekinthepink]

Thanks to everyone who has provided feedback. I hope that everyone is right that he does "like" me as more than a friend.

 

The "buddy" comments really do trouble me. I brought it up with him jokingly while we were on the phone one day. I said "I am neither a 5 year old playing t-ball or a labrador retreiver; what's up with calling me "buddy"? He replied "You know you love it" So perhaps to him its a term of endearment?

 

I tend to keep most people at an arms length. I guess that is because I had to grow up very quickly and I have been burned by both friends and boyfriends. Since I know that I had to have had some contribution to that happening, I have just built my guard up. I do feel comfortable with him though. He tells me things about his family, has compared me to his mother (in terms of our intelligence), told me about some crappy relationships he has had etc, so I would hope that means he is comfortable with me too.

 

I do want to ask him where things are going, but I am not sure how to bring it up. I've thought of casually asking him when we are watching tv, kind of like "so are we working towards something here or are you ok with the way things are?" and letting it go from there. Also, while it seems contradictory to the whole FWB concept, I don't want to have sex with someone who is having sex with someone else, so I guess that is another way to approach this conversation.

 

I am going to do my best to just let things unfold on their own, but since I am a planner I really wish there was a sure-fire wasy to tell if he and I were on the same page.

[geekinthepink]

Well, don't ever loose that. To me finding a girlie girl who is just as much of a dork as me inside is just plain awesome. I would rather date the awesome dork than the cool socialite.

 

Awww thanks, It's nice to know that some people appreciate us nerds I don't plan on changing, I have a group of friends who love me, baggage, quirks and all. Now just to find the guy who feels the same way

[rod_in_gtown]

Don't judge it by the color, confuse it for another You might regret what you let slip away like the geek in the pink

[Star Gazer]

I thought you were a guy, and this was a gay relationship (until the VERY end) due to the whole "geek in the pink" thing. The GEEK is a guy!

 

Anyway, yeah... I think he does "like" you, but whether he's interested in a relationship is another question.

[AriaIncognito]

Hey baby look at me go....from zero to hero....you better take it from a geek like me...I can save you from...unoriginal dumb dumbs....who wouldn't care if you commmmmmmmmmmm...plete them or not.

 

God I love that song. I actually read your thread at first because I love that song hahaha.

 

As for the situation, it sounds like you both just don't know where you stand and are afraid to ask the other. I did this dance with my now boyfriend for about 3 months before I finally got a pair and asked him what was going on. Talking about it was the best thing I could do because it let him know where I was, and he was able to tell me where he was. We definitely weren't on the same page for those three months. If you ask me, we started dating in february, if you ask him, you'll get a different answer (probably april or may lol). Sometimes we move at different paces. He had me so confused in the beginning, and it was frustrating.

 

So, my suggestion is, be flat about it. See what he says. Then take his answer and decide if you want to stick around or not.

[geekinthepink]

I thought you were a guy, and this was a gay relationship (until the VERY end) due to the whole "geek in the pink" thing. The GEEK is a guy!

 

Anyway, yeah... I think he does "like" you, but whether he's interested in a relationship is another question.

 

 

Ha ha! Nope, definitely a straight girl over here Although now that you mention it, I can see how one might come to the same conclusion.

[geekinthepink]

Hey baby look at me go....from zero to hero....you better take it from a geek like me...I can save you from...unoriginal dumb dumbs....who wouldn't care if you commmmmmmmmmmm...plete them or not.

 

God I love that song. I actually read your thread at first because I love that song hahaha.

 

As for the situation, it sounds like you both just don't know where you stand and are afraid to ask the other. I did this dance with my now boyfriend for about 3 months before I finally got a pair and asked him what was going on. Talking about it was the best thing I could do because it let him know where I was, and he was able to tell me where he was. We definitely weren't on the same page for those three months. If you ask me, we started dating in february, if you ask him, you'll get a different answer (probably april or may lol). Sometimes we move at different paces. He had me so confused in the beginning, and it was frustrating.

 

So, my suggestion is, be flat about it. See what he says. Then take his answer and decide if you want to stick around or not.

 

It's nice to know that I am not the only one who has been in this situation. I am just so clueless with dating. I am usually either oblivious to the fact the guy likes me, but this time I am fairly certain he likes me, just not sure he wants a girlfriend. I'm not going to bombard him with "the talk" just yet, but I am working up the courage to do so

[serialgf]

hey geek:

 

i actually have two really good friends who are in an LTR who call each other buddy - its their term of endearment. the way they say it its kind of like cute sarcasm. it's actually really adorable and it's begun to catch on a little to the point that i call my BF buddy once in a while. i like it! i would suggest you call him buddy back

 

i think from what you wrote this has the potential to turn into a real relationship. there may be a few factors that can make it more challenging: the fact that he's into partying way more than you, you also sound like you're more mature than him, and both of you kinda skirting around your emotions... but i think as long as you are both genuine about liking each other and you don't start pressuring each other then i think it can nicely ease into a bf/gf situation... i think its all about trusting that you like each other and being comfortable.... which it sounds like youre doing

 

i think you're on the right track - just keep up that sharp wit and pretty smile!

 

cheers,

a fellow nerdy girlie girl

[clare Moser]

Hey

I am new to the forum, but thought I may be able to help. My sister finds herself in the same situations as you are in now. I think the main problem with this relationship is the age factor. He is only 24 years old and for most men that’s the equivalent of 18. You on the other and seem way more mature than your 26 years and I get the impression you are ready for more of a commitment. This guy DOES like you, but I don’t think he is mature enough to have anything more serious than you have already seen.

Of course it is up to you whether or not you want to pursue this and you will I am sure have some sort of a relationship with him. But is it what you really want? Or do you just want somebody?? If another man was to come around tomorrow, 30 something established who wanted to do more grown up activities with you, would you ditch the current guy. You seem pretty shy when it comes to intimacy, so wouldn’t you rather have a guy who is going to take the lead a little more.

At the end of the day there are plenty more fish in the sea and although it seems lonely out there you are better off being single and emotionally available and open for when the right guy comes along, rather than dating someone just to be dating.

Take care I am sure all will turn out for the best!!

Clare

[geekinthepink]

hey geek:

 

i actually have two really good friends who are in an LTR who call each other buddy - its their term of endearment. the way they say it its kind of like cute sarcasm. it's actually really adorable and it's begun to catch on a little to the point that i call my BF buddy once in a while. i like it! i would suggest you call him buddy back

 

i think from what you wrote this has the potential to turn into a real relationship. there may be a few factors that can make it more challenging: the fact that he's into partying way more than you, you also sound like you're more mature than him, and both of you kinda skirting around your emotions... but i think as long as you are both genuine about liking each other and you don't start pressuring each other then i think it can nicely ease into a bf/gf situation... i think its all about trusting that you like each other and being comfortable.... which it sounds like youre doing

 

i think you're on the right track - just keep up that sharp wit and pretty smile!

 

cheers,

a fellow nerdy girlie girl

 

 

Thanks! I always love to find out there are other girlie girls with nerdy attributes out there I am in the middle of buying a house right now and really busy with work and volunteering for 2 organizations so I think this is good for now. As long as he and I keep things honest (ie he or I start dating someone else etc) then I can leave things as is for now. It's always nice to have someone you feel comfortable with and have fun with.

[serialgf]

sure thing lady! sounds like this little thing you got here is meeting your needs for the moment. i bet after stuff has settled down with your house and stuff you will be in a better position to get into a more serious relationship. for now - why not have fun with this dude? he sounds like he likes you and you sound like you have a great personality! so as long as you keep it laid back it sounds like a win-win... it makes me wonder if he may be the one falling for you and your laid back attitude soon enough

 

good job keeping things simple! and congrats on the house - that's a big achievement for someone your age!

[geekinthepink]

Hey

I am new to the forum, but thought I may be able to help. My sister finds herself in the same situations as you are in now. I think the main problem with this relationship is the age factor. He is only 24 years old and for most men that’s the equivalent of 18. You on the other and seem way more mature than your 26 years and I get the impression you are ready for more of a commitment. This guy DOES like you, but I don’t think he is mature enough to have anything more serious than you have already seen.

Of course it is up to you whether or not you want to pursue this and you will I am sure have some sort of a relationship with him. But is it what you really want? Or do you just want somebody?? If another man was to come around tomorrow, 30 something established who wanted to do more grown up activities with you, would you ditch the current guy. You seem pretty shy when it comes to intimacy, so wouldn’t you rather have a guy who is going to take the lead a little more.

At the end of the day there are plenty more fish in the sea and although it seems lonely out there you are better off being single and emotionally available and open for when the right guy comes along, rather than dating someone just to be dating.

Take care I am sure all will turn out for the best!!

Clare

 

Hi Clare!

Thanks for your input I am rather skittish when it comes to intimacy, but I am not sure that is why I would want a guy who can take the lead. I think that would be more because of how I was raised. While I am very much a "girls can do anything boys can do, and do it better" person for some things I like the traditional gender roles. I like when guys hold doors, ask if you need help lifting heavy things, kill the spiders etc. I feel with a lot of men I have been talking to/seeing/dating or whatever you want to call it, they have been TOO invovled.

Don't get me wrong, I do like to know that a guy likes me, but I don't like being bombarded by text messages all day at work or right after a date before I even get to my door (its happened). I've told this guy these things and I just hope that I didn't scare him too far into the wrong direction thinking that he shouldn't text me or call me whenever.

I have always had steady long term bf's which is another reason I bet I am so bad at dating I don't necessarily need that type of relationship. I just need to know that he likes me.

 

I like this guy so much because we have a lot in common, he is familiar (we went to high school together), I can have a conversation with him, we exchange witty banter, and btw did I forget to mention, he is very easy on the eyes He has goals and ambition and despite his attempt's at being a "jerk" (since that is apparently the cool way to act) he is still really chivalrous and when I told him the story about how my BFF's hubby proposed (it wasn't much of a proposal he kind of just said that a diamond birthstone ring he bought her might as well be an engagement ring) he got really exasperated and said that the guy should have at least got down on one knee and did it right.

 

I'm not putting all of my eggs in one basket, but I am a believer in karma and things like that and the fact that this guy and I seem to come in and out of each other's lives I feel I should give whatever we have a chance. Whether its friendship only or eventually more. So we shall see.

[Jilly Bean]

Geek - you come off as being just so cute. I love your funny comments to him.

 

I think that he likes you, and more than a friend, but I sense he's exceptionally immature and probably not going to be relationship material.

 

He seems to be more into the casual hook-ups, "hanging out" as you kids say - lol, and choosing bros before hos. Also, I'd be tweaked if a guy called me "buddy" after I gave him head. Again, that speaks to his maturity level and nothing more...

[LionLover]

Also, I'd be tweaked if a guy called me "buddy" after I gave him head.

 

Does he go to high five you afterwards too? How about slapping you on the butt afterwards and telling you "way to go". Yeah? Hmmm....

[clare Moser]

Hi Clare!

Thanks for your input I am rather skittish when it comes to intimacy, but I am not sure that is why I would want a guy who can take the lead. I think that would be more because of how I was raised. While I am very much a "girls can do anything boys can do, and do it better" person for some things I like the traditional gender roles. I like when guys hold doors, ask if you need help lifting heavy things, kill the spiders etc. I feel with a lot of men I have been talking to/seeing/dating or whatever you want to call it, they have been TOO invovled.

Don't get me wrong, I do like to know that a guy likes me, but I don't like being bombarded by text messages all day at work or right after a date before I even get to my door (its happened). I've told this guy these things and I just hope that I didn't scare him too far into the wrong direction thinking that he shouldn't text me or call me whenever.

I have always had steady long term bf's which is another reason I bet I am so bad at dating I don't necessarily need that type of relationship. I just need to know that he likes me.

 

I like this guy so much because we have a lot in common, he is familiar (we went to high school together), I can have a conversation with him, we exchange witty banter, and btw did I forget to mention, he is very easy on the eyes He has goals and ambition and despite his attempt's at being a "jerk" (since that is apparently the cool way to act) he is still really chivalrous and when I told him the story about how my BFF's hubby proposed (it wasn't much of a proposal he kind of just said that a diamond birthstone ring he bought her might as well be an engagement ring) he got really exasperated and said that the guy should have at least got down on one knee and did it right.

 

I'm not putting all of my eggs in one basket, but I am a believer in karma and things like that and the fact that this guy and I seem to come in and out of each other's lives I feel I should give whatever we have a chance. Whether its friendship only or eventually more. So we shall see.

 

You seem to have your head in the right place, just don't get to emotionally attached, until he shows you some kind of commitment. Oh and don't worry about the "Buddy" thing, thats just a nervous reaction.

[LionLover]

You seem to have your head in the right place, just don't get to emotionally attached, until he shows you some kind of commitment.

 

I agree.

 

If you would like a committment at some point & he is unable to provide one or if it's something that he does not want, then at some point you will have to tell him to go stick his finger up his own butt.

 

(kidding of course with the finger/butt thing)

[geekinthepink]

Geek - you come off as being just so cute. I love your funny comments to him.

 

I think that he likes you, and more than a friend, but I sense he's exceptionally immature and probably not going to be relationship material.

 

He seems to be more into the casual hook-ups, "hanging out" as you kids say - lol, and choosing bros before hos. Also, I'd be tweaked if a guy called me "buddy" after I gave him head. Again, that speaks to his maturity level and nothing more...

 

Gee thanks!

 

I know guys who are in their 30's that still follow the bro's before ho's mentality. I won't count this guy out for the whole basket ball incident and the "buddy" comments because he is probably about as mature as his shoes size since he is only 24.

[geekinthepink]

Does he go to high five you afterwards too? How about slapping you on the butt afterwards and telling you "way to go". Yeah? Hmmm....

 

LOL! No there was no high-5 afterwards. Had there been i would have probably knocked out his teeth