frenchgirl Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 Here's my situation. My good friend Renee has become friends with a guy she met at her workplace. He is attractive and very funny. As far as I know, they are not dating, although I did notice that he occasionally flirts with her. Now the guy has been hanging out with us three times now and has suddenly become part of our small group. Renee and I are both single, so should I assume that her new friend is up for grabs? Should I try to date him or would I most likely piss off my friend? How do I go about asking this?
alphamale Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 Should I try to date him or would I most likely piss off my friend? How do I go about asking this? you should ask your friend "Renee" if she's interested in him since she had first dibs. if she says no then you should go for it assuming he is interested in you. also be wary that if you start dating him then "Renee's" interest in him may suddenly blossom....
Jilly Bean Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 you should ask your friend "Renee" if she's interested in him since she had first dibs. if she says no then you should go for it assuming he is interested in you. also be wary that if you start dating him then "Renee's" interest in him may suddenly blossom.... HA! I agree with what AM said, and sadly, the last line is too true for some woman. Gads, I hate that it's so accurate.
Author frenchgirl Posted August 26, 2008 Author Posted August 26, 2008 Merci! I agree with what you've both said but if she wants to date the guy, why does she keep bringing him to our gatherings? Shouldn't she just keep him to herself? Since she decided to introduce him to the rest of us, seems to me like we are all free to date him, no?
whichwayisup Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 No. Because he was her friend first. Plus, she may want to get to know him in a comfortable environment with other people around. Don't go after your friends guy that she's interested in. That's not cool.
alphamale Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 I agree with what you've both said but if she wants to date the guy, why does she keep bringing him to our gatherings? Shouldn't she just keep him to herself? why don't you just ASK her?
Author frenchgirl Posted August 26, 2008 Author Posted August 26, 2008 I guess you guys are right. I've been interested in this guy since the first time I met him (several weeks ago). I expected Renee to eventually hit on him but they have yet to go on a real date. I mean, what are they waiting for? Another year of friendly gatherings? I get so frustrated for trying to be nice to Renee in this situation. I wish she would gear things up a little.
alphamale Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 I guess you guys are right. of course we are I've been interested in this guy since the first time I met him (several weeks ago). has the male in question shown any interest in you?
carhill Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 I've been interested in this guy since the first time I met him (several weeks ago). It is possible that he only sees you as a platonic friend. I'd leave this one to Renee'
Author frenchgirl Posted August 26, 2008 Author Posted August 26, 2008 has the male in question shown any interest in you? Not particularly but I feel he might be holding back because of Renee as well. Don't you think that 3 weeks lead time is enough though? God they are not quick in business!
Author frenchgirl Posted August 26, 2008 Author Posted August 26, 2008 It is possible that he only sees you as a platonic friend. I'd leave this one to Renee' Thanks for your wise words. I thought people would say "he's just a friend so go for it" but I guess I was wrong!
alphamale Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 Not particularly but I feel he might be holding back because of Renee as well. did not you say he flirts occasionally with "Renee"? But he's not flirting with you? I think you can draw your own conclusion here.
carhill Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 Thanks for your wise words. I thought people would say "he's just a friend so go for it" but I guess I was wrong! It's that "empathy" thing again
Jilly Bean Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 Chicks before dicks, hon. Respect your friendship and get her blessing first.
whichwayisup Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 I get so frustrated for trying to be nice to Renee in this situation. Hey, this is your friend. You barely know this guy! Don't EVER let a guy, let alone someone you don't really know (3 weeks is nothing, this guy could turn into a real big jerk) get in the way of your friendship. Renee is going to be in your life LONG after this guy disappears. Where's your loyality?
Author frenchgirl Posted August 27, 2008 Author Posted August 27, 2008 You guys were right. I had a chat with Renee tonight and she didn't seem to know how to answer my question. I guess she didn't want to admit it to me but she might be interested in him after all. I didn't get a clear answer though. I asked her why she didn't go on a real date with him and she was very evasive about it. But clearly my loyalty is with her, there's no question about it.
Green Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 your trouble french girl. You don't even have to ask her, you could just say wow I really like your new friend I think we should go out. And if she doesn't correct you and say he is more then a friend or I like him then bam
norajane Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 You guys were right. I had a chat with Renee tonight and she didn't seem to know how to answer my question. I guess she didn't want to admit it to me but she might be interested in him after all. I didn't get a clear answer though. I asked her why she didn't go on a real date with him and she was very evasive about it. But clearly my loyalty is with her, there's no question about it. Yes, she's interested in him. If she weren't, you'd have gotten a clear "go" from her because it would have been easy for her to say, "Sure, go after him. He doesn't do it for me." She hasn't gone on a real date with him because he hasn't asked her, and she wants him to ask her. (also something she probably doesn't want to admit to you). So instead of asking him out on a one-on-one date, she's been inviting him to meet her friends/group thing because that's not a date. She wants him to do the asking. And she's probably enjoying the flirtation she has with him, and doesn't necessarily want to rush past that to the next step. Does he pay for her when they're out?
Author frenchgirl Posted August 27, 2008 Author Posted August 27, 2008 Does he pay for her when they're out? No we each pay or own drinks. I think you have ALL proven me wrong on this so I won't argue... I guess I would've acted differently. People all say how group activities are lame if you're trying to date someone, how group activities mean "just friends". That's why I was tempted. I've been single for a while now while Renee just got out of a relationship a few weeks ago. I guess we will see how it goes on our next gathering.
norajane Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 If Renee just got out of a relationship, she probably still wants to take it slow, while still getting to know this guy. If he ever starts paying for her drinks, he'll probably ask her out soon after.
Author frenchgirl Posted August 27, 2008 Author Posted August 27, 2008 And deep inside of me, I am a bit angry that Renee gets all the guys. Even when she was in a relationship the guys would all be interested in her. I haven't had a BF in over a year now. So sad...
whichwayisup Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Please don't blame your friend..She is who she is. If you are insecure and don't have self confidence, then work on you - Build yourself up so you can love who you are, and when you are ready, you will meet someone.
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