bluepoppy Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 Been in the relationship for 3 years - some ups and downs, normal. Basically it's good. But we've got into a kind of routine that is now starting to feel like a rut - and wondering what other people do to get out of ruts when they hit them ? I can think of specific things that annoy me, but when I think about the specfics, I think these point more to an over-all routine that's getting dull. I haven't discussed this with him yet. (Converstations like hey honey, I think we're in a rut, in my experience don't change anything - you have to do stuff to change things, not talk about it) That said the specific things that are getting rut like to me, are the phone calls on the evenings we're not together (which is about half the time) and for him (based on a comment he made), is the brief "hows your day going ?" email exchange that we have. So suggestions for getting out of ruts once you've noticed you're in them?
Treasa Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 Sometimes I think people get into ruts when they get bored with their own lives. Both people should consider taking up new hobbies, getting away from each other for a bit, maybe taking a vacation, etc.
54288 Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 yea i think what you need is.... to spend more time together, if theres nothing to talk about its obviously because you guys are lacking activity amongst each other. in my opnion its simple to something like having a friend in elementary school than you move, you meet the friend like 4 years later in high school, you wouldnt have much to talk about and would maybe just say hi, hows schools going etc.... so basicly... DO MORE STUFF TOGETHER!! it can be anything too a movie, play a game, share a hobbie, anything just spend time together more and conversation will easily increase
Author bluepoppy Posted August 27, 2008 Author Posted August 27, 2008 Thanks - I've been thinking about this a bit today - and I think both comments apply. He needs new hobbies - and after much nagging on my part - he's finally gone to yoga (which I've been doing for years) - he has a back injury and this should help sort it out. He's not having a good time right now (back injury, banned from driving, restructure at work = salary freeze this kind of thing. (I've got lots of new going on, new job, new bicycle, new climbing routes conquered). And yes - I don't think we spend enough time together (hence the phone calls) - which is a small dance that we play where he has commitment issues, and withdraws a bit - and then I get like this - thinking about the relationship status. If I start asking for more time together, his commitment fear button gets pressed and he'll withdraw a bit more. (so I can't force that issue) I don't like the telephone. - too much communication is lost. They say 68 % of communciation is non verbal, and there have been numerous phone calls where things said have been misunderstood. That and it reminds me of being an lost distance relationship. So the phone calls aren't great because I don't like them - I don't know if I can learn to do phone calls better - I know I can't whilst I don't enjoy them. Have concluded that I need to talk to him about reducing the phone call stuff, and just explain I'd rather not chat every day cos we have to but when there is stuff to say - and start organising things for us to do some stuff. So in which case I need ideas for new stuff without things seeming forced.
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