shayna Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 So I've been OK for the past few months. Used to "stalk" this forum quite regularly for months until I started feeling like I could at least function somewhat normally through each day again (thanks to the many who have posted here). I guess I've been lucky until now- my ex (we were together for almost 9 years) hadn't started dating anyone after all this time. Well, from some decent info floating around (we share some of the same friends though I've tried to curtail hanging out with them as much as I did before) I am pretty sure he's working on starting up a new relationship- or is already in one. And she is a close friend of one of my close friends. Its been 14 months since our breakup so it's really not surprising- even expected. Its what I've been trying to prepare myself for but sadly, you really can't prepare for when the blow finally comes. I hate myself for being so affected by this after so long. I should be OK right? I guess I really am a horrible person- I honestly don't want him to find happiness if its without me. So I guess I still love him as much as before. I guess all this healing I thought I've done was really just a cover up of me holding onto something that will never be again. I feel sick to my stomach because wanting him to be longing for me instead is totally overpowering any desire I would have for him to be happy. Of course he doesn't long for me- he ended it! But yet still I torture myself subconsciously that maybe someday he'll realize what he left behind...But, I don't even know anymore what he left behind. There's nothing really all that special about me that sets me apart from other women. I sent an short email to ask him if its true just so I am not the last to know and just because we sort have decided to just come right out with any questions we have (and he had promised to tell me when he starts dating again). Hopefully he'll answer back when they come back tonight so that at least I'll know for sure (they've been away just the two of them rockclimbing- not unusual for folks in our crowd to do doesn't matter if its just guy and girl- but this time I think its more...). And they did go to the circus in the summer together- something we used to do. That's not so "normal" especially for him. Anyone have any suggestions as to how I can get through this? How I can move on? I stay busy and active with friends and family, I'm back in school, I go to therapy, I've tried meds, but still I don't think any of this will help me move on with this which is my worst fear coming true. This makes what I've dealt with this past year already seem like child's play. Thx for reading
sacg Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 Just what im going through now, i feel for you. Unfortrunatley, you just do, and if you wont, and i mean wont, then you will continue to feel this way. You just do. It hurts, but gets less hurtful. And meds etc are **** imo unless your ill, you need a clear head and a strong will and belief in yourself. And you will slowley move forward.
Author shayna Posted August 26, 2008 Author Posted August 26, 2008 Thanks sacg- I know I really have no other option but to just continue on but I really wish I could just forget about him, her...us. Sigh. Dropped the meds a long while back as they were totally useless imo too (and I tried 5 different types). Just what im going through now, i feel for you. Unfortrunatley, you just do, and if you wont, and i mean wont, then you will continue to feel this way. You just do. It hurts, but gets less hurtful. And meds etc are **** imo unless your ill, you need a clear head and a strong will and belief in yourself. And you will slowley move forward.
BCCA Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 They say there are 4 stages you go through after a breakup. Denial, Depression, Anger, Acceptance. In one day, you could litterally go through all 4 many times. I think the first thing to realize its that this is over, and you need to move on. It sounds like you're ok there, but depression will push you back into denial if its not handled right. Meds probably arent the best for you right now, I agree that you need a clear head. I think you should look at it like this: Youve made it 14 months without him, and youre still standing. Yeah, life sucks at times. I've heard of people taking 2-3 years to fully get over the sting of losing the one you love, but it doesnt have to be like that. Dont contact him anymore, honestly nothing he says is going to make you feel good. Everytime you start to feel down, throw on your running shoes, and run until you can barely make it back home standing. Go on a few dates (web dating is easy or craigslist, etc) just to get your mind on other things and to get some practice. Focus on what YOU can do to make yourself happier. In the end, the only person you can always count on is yourself.
lovely81 Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 I found out about my ex of seven years being in a new relationship five months after we broke up (although they got together two months after we broke up). It was the worst pain I was ever through in my life. But now I look back and see that it gave me what I needed to really move on. The pain was intense, but it lasted only two weeks. I really went crazy though, wrote him a long letter, called him several times. It hurt so much. I wanted to die. I got through it though. And now I'm okay! Um, not sure if this can really help you. But just kind of indulge yourself and let it pass and stop talking to him, contacting him in any way. Don't hang out with people who are going to talk about them. It will sting and sting, but eventually it will stop.
Jmina Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 I hate myself for being so affected by this after so long. I should be OK right? I guess I really am a horrible person- But yet still I torture myself subconsciously There's nothing really all that special about me that sets me apart from other women. Anyone have any suggestions as to how I can get through this? How I can move on? uh yeah i have a huge suggestion. change this part of your thoughts. the universe doesnt care what you want.it only cares about what you need. you need self love love will NOT allow a relationship to work if one or both have soul searching to do. self love is a miracle cure. Love never hurts. you are definately allowed to love your ex. you can love him from afar, even after 14months it is okay. Its the attatchment to him, or the past, or something you have in your mind that makes you feel that loving him hurts you. it is the insecure part of us that fears, that worries that puts us down that hurts. and it is this part that will eventually fade after putting some other things into action like -crying -releasing anger by punching your bed or pillows even screaming into your pillow under loud music. You had a life before this guy it is up to you to clear your headspace by writing it out, talking it out, venting, becoming physical and then re create your life again. and quickly fill the space with new energy - which is important or you will become sad after releasing. and it is okay that it is 14 months later. THERE ARE NO RULES you are safe to feel your feelings! you are allowed to love you must focus on yourself instead of him and make your life what its meant to be. love doesnt hurt you and never will Keep posting. keep asking. Jmina
sumdude Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 I know how it feels. Just the other day out of nowhere I went back into the greif of losing my wife after 18 months pf separation and a year after the divorce. I came to a realization after a few days of the blues.. maybe my post can help you out.. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t162434/
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