KinAZ Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 but doesn't what you are getting from the sperm bank concern you AT ALL? In the other thread I have proved they barely test the sperm for anything... sounds incredibly stupid to me. Why in the world would you want to have a baby with someone's sperm who you don't know- a COMPLETE stranger. I have to agree that there is a point in that. However, I'm sure there are some place which do more testing and gather more information than others. There are so many people who are getting donations these days that I'm sure there are a few sophisticated facilities out there! I'm not sure how advanced they've gotten yet, but I've at least joked about seeing if I could get a girl out of one of them if I don't marry in a certain number of years. I haven't done the research so I really don't know what is out there. But family medical history, mental health history, and so forth would be very important.
Author MarieD Posted September 22, 2008 Author Posted September 22, 2008 Thanks Bayliss! I really appreciate your reply! Love, u say......Why in the world would you want to have a baby with someone's sperm who you don't know- a COMPLETE stranger. .......to have a baby & become the best mom I can be. I may never meet Mr. Right, but I Refuse to pass up on becoming a mom! Sorry! How about those women who have one night stands & get pregnant, the guy is a stranger, & they got sperm from him! HOWEVER, i CHOOSE to become a single mom! Life, is not stupid, Its the most wonderful thing you could give to a human being!!
lovestruck818 Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 Well if a women has a one-night stand and gets pregant, she's an idiot. They have condoms, a pill and the morning after pill. Plus, having sex with someone you barely know is just beyond retarted. I don't have any sympathy for those people. Thanks Bayliss! I really appreciate your reply! Love, u say......Why in the world would you want to have a baby with someone's sperm who you don't know- a COMPLETE stranger. .......to have a baby & become the best mom I can be. I may never meet Mr. Right, but I Refuse to pass up on becoming a mom! Sorry! How about those women who have one night stands & get pregnant, the guy is a stranger, & they got sperm from him! HOWEVER, i CHOOSE to become a single mom! Life, is not stupid, Its the most wonderful thing you could give to a human being!!
Sks Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 Sounds like you want a kid for yourself more then you want a kid as a kid, you want a pet. Its a horrible idea, if you can't find a man you are committed to, what makes you think you are prepared to commit 18+ years to raising a child all by yourself?
Author MarieD Posted September 29, 2008 Author Posted September 29, 2008 OK SKS, that is not the issue here, i don't want a pet. Just because I can't meet my Mr. Right, I refuse to pass up having kids! I have a lifetime to find mr. Right, but don't have a lifetime to have kids. I don't have a problem committing to a man at all, i don't know where u got that from. I have been in many long term relationships in my life. I just haven't found MY Mr. Right. I would be a great mom & would have no problem raising a kid to 18 all on my own!! I have a great support group, my family & friends.
Sks Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 Your inability to find "Mr, Right" means you should not be having kids, the two go hand in hand.
Author MarieD Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 Your inability to find "Mr, Right" means you should not be having kids, the two go hand in hand. SKS the above comment is the most ridiculous thing i ever heard. Just because I can't find the perfect guy for me & refuse to settle for anything less than i deserve, has NOTHING to do with me having kids. They do not go hand in hand, at all. There are many beautiful women out there that are great people & can't find a decent guy, but they would make awesome parents. All i keep finding is losers & men with issues & I know I would be an awesome mom! I don't know where that comment came from, its ridiculous.
stillafool Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 Why is everything about what "I" want? I, I, I want. What about what the child deserves and wants? Every child wants a mother and a father to love and love them. A woman cannot teach a boy to be a man or vice versa. Grandfathers, uncles and friends are great in a child's life but do not take the place of a father. I think the most selfish thing a woman can do is to chose to have a child for her own reasons without considering what is best for the child. If I were a kid who's mom chose to have me without a father I would be pissed.
Author MarieD Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 I have a lifetime to find a father for my babies, but don't have a lifetime to have a baby. If your not a woman, u wouldn't understand. There are so many different types of families out there. How about lebians who have a baby , or a gay couple who have a baby? Why is mine any different? Didn't George Michael just have a baby through a surrogate mom? I will find a "dad" for my baby one day!
stillafool Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 I am a woman and I understand your need, however a child's needs are more important than yours. Why not adopt a child if you love children so much. That way you are rescuing a child rather than choosing to bring a child in this world without giving it a father.
Author MarieD Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 Oh sorry Still. That is a good idea but I much rather have my own biological child & thank god I still have that choice to even though I can't find a good man! I willl give my babies a father one day!
stillafool Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 I have a lifetime to find a father for my babies, but don't have a lifetime to have a baby. If your not a woman, u wouldn't understand. If you think you are having a problem finding a husband now, just wait until you become a single mother.
Author MarieD Posted October 1, 2008 Author Posted October 1, 2008 Well when I become a single mom, I could date single dads! :-) Oh, Still, if i adopt a child, they won't have a father either right away. So why not have my own biological baby?? Either way, have my own or adopt, they won't have a dad right away.
Sks Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 lawl, you don't want advice - you want support for your actions. Go ahead and do it, but your kid is going to hate you, "HEY MOMMY, WHY DON'T I HAVE A DAD?" "BECAUSE MOMMY COULD NEVER FIND A MAN SHE LOVED, SO SHE WENT TO A SPERM BANK" I don't get people.
You'reasian Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Sounds like you want a kid for yourself more then you want a kid as a kid, you want a pet. Its a horrible idea, if you can't find a man you are committed to, what makes you think you are prepared to commit 18+ years to raising a child all by yourself? ....Amen!!!
You'reasian Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 lawl, you don't want advice - you want support for your actions. Go ahead and do it, but your kid is going to hate you, "HEY MOMMY, WHY DON'T I HAVE A DAD?" "BECAUSE MOMMY COULD NEVER FIND A MAN SHE LOVED, SO SHE WENT TO A SPERM BANK" I don't get people. Who said she was going to the Sperm Bank?
stillafool Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Oh, Still, if i adopt a child, they won't have a father either right away. So why not have my own biological baby?? Because you would be choosing to bring a child in this world knowing it won't have a father, thus creating more problems and insecurity for a kid. Adoption would give an unwanted child at least a mother.
pxranger Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 I know that this thread hasn't had a reply in almost a month, but I stumbled across this board by accident and felt that I had to respond. I wasn't born to a single Mother, but my parents did divorce shortly after I was born. The truth was that my Mother wanted children, my Father wasn't so sure, but my Mom got her way. Although I love my Mother to death, I lacked a Father, and it was very selfish of her to bring me into that situation. My memories go back to about the age of 4, and it was very strange having my Mother gone all the time, working 2 jobs. I remember having nightmares some nights, going to my Mother's bedroom, and finding nobody there. I had babysitters, but that's a poor substitute for a Mother's love. One thing that I can remember believing was that I wasn't normal. "Why don't I have a Father?" "What's wrong with me?" While these are absurd questions now, at the age of 6, I was positive that I must have been sub-human; so I began to act accordingly. My Mother tried to control my weight, but SURPRISE, she was working most of the time and sub-human people don't matter anyways so I started doubling. Food made me feel great, because love came from that. I got a full/complete feeling from it and I would sneak in candy bars whenever I had the chance. My Mother had rid the house of candy and fattening foods, but I figured out ways. As I got older, I got bigger and moved into middle school. School dances? Yeah, they'd happen, but I felt too fat and worthless to go to those. I'd ask girls out and they'd turn me down. Why? Well, part of it was that I had no self confidence, and part of it was because I was a complete wuss. Having no Father around, I had been raised to let women walk all over me. I know that some of you women right now might be thinking, "Hey, that would be the perfect guy!" But I can assure you, get with some guy that kisses your ass; you'll get bored in about 6 nanoseconds and you'll move on. So now we get to High School, and by the age of 16, I had gotten to 265 lbs (at 5'11"). I've yet to even kiss a girl or lose even 1 gram of weight (only gaining), and I must admit I was contemplating suicide. What made it worse was that I had just been rejected by this girl that I was really into, in one of my classes. I remember hearing a song from the band Unwritten Law, called Teenage Suicide. I bought that album and looped that song on my cd player, through my headphones; I remember crying listening to that. What was funny was that I, to this day, don't know how I got the ball rolling that year. That severe form of depression somehow led me to drop 30 lbs in about a month and a half. Right about that time (senior year of high school) I started tinkering with computers and was getting good at fixing/building them. Needless to say, my self-esteem began to rise! I was dropping weight, getting good a something, and just becoming more like a human being. Fast forward to the present, as I am 25 now, I am more of a normal weight, have had loving relationships, graduated from college with a degree in Computer Science, and I work as a computer programmer. You might ask yourself, "where was his Mom, she should have been there, BECAUSE I WOULD HAVE BEEN THERE AS A MOM!" But the truth is that people have to make a living and go to work. You may not have to do it when they're a baby, but you'll probably have to do it at some point. Also, I had other family not far from me, loving family, but that doesn't make up for not having my Father. They would praise me, but I didn't believe what they said because I felt sub-human. I am curious how things would have been had my Father been around, but I think that it was very selfish of my Mother to make me wonder it and not experience it. Sure, MY Dad would have been bad, but I deserved A FATHER. She had no business procreating with males that were obviously bad Fathers, and that's exactly what she did. Her clock was "running out" and I guess that my feelings and well-being just weren't as important as her desire to have kids. What I find funny is the ego that some people have. They say "I wanna have one of my own!" umm ok, are you some type of super-human and the world needs your DNA to survive the next step in the evolutionary chain? In the end, your kids gonna feel like you cheated him, and they will be right. A kid isn't a pet Llama that you can just put in the yard and let other people watch. They need guidance, they need love, and they need attention. I'd like to think that a Mother's relatives could completely compensate for the lack of a Father, but I'd also like to think that there's an Easter Bunny and a Tooth Fairy. It's obvious that you're going to do it anyways, so that's that, but don't act all high and mighty with the "I'm giving the gift of life!!!!!" attitude. Stop acting like you're helping starving children in Africa. You only have yourself in mind here and you wouldn't even think of "giving the gift of life" if you were 20 and in the same social situation. I want to have kids someday myself, but unless I find the right girl, it's not going to happen; my potential children deserve the best.
onlyicansee Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Hey there. I read your post about your father, and I would like to just make a few comments. This really has nothing to do with the OP's question, and really is geared just towards you. Nothing I am bout to say should be taken to heart, really it's just my opinion from what I gathered out of your post... ok? It seems that maybe you have some resentment towards your mother for bringing you into this world without a father figure. Im sure your mother realizes that she has robbed your privilege of having a father, but I'm sure that it was not her intention. I dont think any mother says I want this lil baby all to myself But truth is, your mother probably wanted you more than she realized you wanted a father, and at that point it was already to late. You have to realize and accept that you don't have a father, and it is no ones fault other than your fathers fault for abandoning you. Would you rather be without your father or without your life? Im sure you would rather be alive than not. Or, what if your mother would have chosen a different male to be the father, there is no way to tell if you would be the same person you are today. The life you have now could be obsolete. But all of that is speculation really. Truth is, your one lucky guy even if you don't realize it. Hey at least you had your mom, and other family members to support you. Your mom cared enough to at least try and help you maintain a healthy life. Im sure you realize how many children out there have absolutely nothing and no one at all. If you can look at them and say you are worse off then I truly feel for you, but I doubt that is the case. From another perspective, I have still have both my parents. And, while I can now appreciate my father, my child hood was extremely rough and difficult. I dealt with an abusive father who resented me because he felt trapped. It led to a plethora of insecurities in myself as a child, and though I never had a weight problem, I suffered in other ways. Look man, the world is a crazy place, and all that we have is ourselves. Everything else is just a figment of your reality. Take life for what it has given you, not what you feel you have missed out on. You graduated college, got a job, have relationships, you have it all my man. Your mother had to of played a big role in your life, and for that you should thank her, for that and for bringing you into this world. Without her you would have never had your first kiss, or your first love, or your first candy bar (only kidden)... But in retrospect, do you honestly wish you were never born because you don't have a father?
pxranger Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 I love my Mom more than anything else in the world. My point is that she married a guy that was reluctant to have children, and she knew it. I would have had a better shot had she picked a better partner. She was selfish, which is what the original poster is as well. ... But in retrospect, do you honestly wish you were never born because you don't have a father? By that logic, she denied a life to a child that could have been happier. If I had not been born, that child could have been born; it's a loaded question.
onlyicansee Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 I love my Mom more than anything else in the world. My point is that she married a guy that was reluctant to have children, and she knew it. I would have had a better shot had she picked a better partner. She was selfish, which is what the original poster is as well. By that logic, she denied a life to a child that could have been happier. If I had not been born, that child could have been born; it's a loaded question. Hey man, think very closely about what you have said. I think it shows more about how you feel about yourself than you realize. You say you would have had a better shot had she picked a better partner, but, for all you know you would have had no shot at all. Had your father been anyone different, under any different circumstances, your life as you see it could be completely gone. While I am sure you realize what I am saying, really you cant that against someone. Your mother is not selfish, and I don't think the OP is selfish either. Most all people get that biological urge to have children. Even male homosexuals have the urge, and they actually adopt children frequently. While I agree that a normal home with a loving mother & father is the best environment for a child, I don't think that it is reasonable, and or selfish to allow children into this world under different circumstances. Simply because you feel jipped that your mother chose carelessly for a father figure, does not mean that another person in a situation similar to yours will feel the same way. Its all about experience and surroundings. Its pretty harsh to call your mother, who raised you and gave you everything you have, selfish. Your mother sacrificed her independence and her precious time in life for you. She has given you so much, and you call her selfish? You should rethink how you really feel about your mother.
Lizzie60 Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 I posted in your other thread.. I say go for it.. Who knows.. you might find Mr. Right down the road.. I was a single mother for 2 1/2 yrs.. before my MM was kicked out the door and we finally ended up together.. I already had my daughter, I didn't get pregnant voluntarily.. but still.. I was ready and financially capable to raise her.. My ex became her father.. to this day.. she calls him 'dad' .. she's now 32. So.. I know it's an extremely strong wish for a woman to have a child.. and to think, like you, that she will never meet the right man.. well I say take any measure to have YOUR child.. Good luck!
mrose2008 Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 As a teacher I can tell you the kids that I have the most problems with are the single parent..I can also tell you that my husband was a ydc psychologist (he has since switched careers) for 10 yrs and the kids that had the most issues were the kids from single parent homes whose father's were not involved in their lives...
Author MarieD Posted November 25, 2008 Author Posted November 25, 2008 Pxranger - Sorry but your situation isn't that same as mine. I am chooseing to have a baby without a man. Your father chose not to be part of your life, that alone probably took a big toll on you. I am working my butt off now, so i don't have to work when i have my babies. I will stay home with them until they go to school. So my kids will have all their mothers love 24/7, not someone else's. I don't think its shelfish at all! I am making the best of what god gave me & bringing a life into this world to love unconditonally!!! There is nothing selfish about that if u ask me. Yes of course its best to have a child with a mom and a dad, but that might not happen for me, so i have to make the best of it. I REFUSE to just let my childbearing years pass! I will regret it if i don't have kids! Lizzie - Thanks, u were always backing me up! I will go for it when the time is right :-)
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