Single parent by choice?

[MarieD]

Has anyone here become a single parent by choice? Did you intentionally set out to start a family on your own? I am thinking of going this route because I have always wanted to have children. So now I have to seriously consider the possibility of being a single parent.

 

I don't want to put the rest of my life on hold just because I don't have a man around. I could always find my mr. right, i have a lifetime to find him, but being 35, I don't always have the chance to have kids. I can't pass it up!!

 

I could accept never getting married & having a husband, but I can't accept never having kids.

 

Any insight from someone whose been there would really be helpful. Thank

[porter218]

Has anyone here become a single parent by choice? Did you intentionally set out to start a family on your own? I am thinking of going this route because I have always wanted to have children. So now I have to seriously consider the possibility of being a single parent.

 

I don't want to put the rest of my life on hold just because I don't have a man around. I could always find my mr. right, i have a lifetime to find him, but being 35, I don't always have the chance to have kids. I can't pass it up!!

 

I could accept never getting married & having a husband, but I can't accept never having kids.

 

Any insight from someone whose been there would really be helpful. Thank

Well that was my intention at first. I wasn't going the sperm bank route but the real deal instead. But I fell in love with the man that I was considering doing this with and married him. I was perfectly OK with the idea of having a baby on my own, and I have lots of family minutes away from me so I knew I would have all the help I needed. And I actually did end up a single mother for 9 months and I cherished that time I had alone with my son. I think it was easy for me to transition into being a single parent because I had toyed with that idea before I had gotten pregnant. And when you want a child bad enough doing it alone is no where near as hard as people make it out to be. I think it is all about your mindset going into the situation, usually the only thing that makes being a single parent(of one child) hard for a lot of women is knowing the father is out there enjoying life without responsibility. Which means that the actual parenting isn't what is is bothering them or making it hard. Go for it you will be fine.

[MarieD]

Oh wow Porter you were considering the same thing?? That is wonderful that you fell in love & married the guy u were going to have a baby with.

 

I just don't think a husband is in my cards. I just find all the rejects that are left out there & i refuse to settle for one of them, I much rather be alone!!

 

My parents & family are all for it! My brothers family lives just around the corner & my sisters' just the next town over. So i have alot of support.

 

My mother actually wants me to do this now & not wait til i'm 37. I think I'll wait a little bit more & then go for it!!

 

I'm sure i'll get people who don't agree with my decision at all, but hey, to each their own!

 

Thanks for the reply!

[seanheck]

Are you saying thats your intention or are you just curious?

 

Personally I would think it be better to raise a kid in an environment with both parents rather than purposely just for one. I dunno.

[MarieD]

WELL, I am 35, haven't met Mr. Right yet & running out of time to have kids. I have a lifetime to find Mr. Right, but cant always have kids!

Just because i can't find mr. right, i don't want to pass up my chance to have kids. I have to make the best of what God gave me!!

 

So Yes, I will choose to become a single parent at 37/38 if i haven't found

'the one'.

 

Of course kids should grow up in a enviroment with 2 parents, but i may never have that chance. I can't pass up my chance to have kids & become a mom!

[Gwyneth]

I'm currently pregnant (7 months) and the father of the baby will not be a part of the baby's life. So, this wasn't my idea, to be a single parent, but it's the decision left for me to handle. And you know what, I think I will be fine. I have my family who loves and supports me, and friends as well, who will help me when needed. Will it be hard? Yes, but I don't really have a choice at this point. But if I had to chose between having this guy as a part of my baby's life or not, I choose not, because he's a scrub.

 

Good Luck

[blind_otter]

I have a 6 week old baby...I was hesitant to post to this thread, but to be honest if I didn't have my partner I think I would have carved my eyeballs out with a rusty tin can lid by now.

 

I totally underestimated how difficult it would be to have a newborn and a very young infant. Thank God he took off a month to be with me and the baby. He was going to go back to work when the baby was 3 days old and I had a meltdown - you get weepy in the first few days after the baby is born because of the hormone letdown (all those pregnancy hormones that make you "high" are gone once you deliver the placenta).

 

It's been 6 weeks since I slept more than 90 minutes at a time. Some days (like today) I function on about 3 hours sleep, total. When my S/O gets home from work I hand him the baby and crash out for an hour, or take a bath (finally!! - I stink and my breasts leak). It takes hours to do what once took me half an hour.

 

I have a lot of help and support, too - my mom lives 5 minutes away and delivers home cooked meals on a regular basis - I didn't have to cook until the baby was about 5 weeks old, and she still brings me food at least twice a week. My older sister is also nearby and she is a la leche league leader with 3 kids of her own and is a stay at home mom. My S/O's mother is my midwife (she delivered our son) and she stops by regularly, and so does my best friend who also works at the birth center where my son was born. I also have a lot of help from S/O's friends who all have kids....

 

But if I didn't have someone here to help me when it's 3am and I feel like I'm going crazy from sleep deprivation, or during the "magic hour" between 8pm - 11pm when my son fusses for absolutely no reason, I think I would be more insane than I feel right now (which is pretty damn crazy).

 

PS - this post took me an hour to write....because I was blessed with a very needy, clingy baby.

[KinAZ]

I say that if you want to have a child, then have a child. I didn't exactly "choose" to start my family, but without going into detail, I chose to be a single mom. (It's long and complicated.) You can fall in love and get married at the age of 75, but as far as babies are concerned, if you want to do it I say go for it! Being a single parent isn't a bed of roses, but it's certainly far from being the end of the world! And just because you start out as a single parent, doesn't mean you have to always be one.

 

And especially if you have a lot of family support, that child will have a lot of love, and you will have a lot of assistance.

 

As for blind otter's post... she has a point about being ready to pull your hair out, but not every pregnancy is the same. Luckily, I have a mother who was so excited about grandmotherhood that she drove me up the wall (and still does) BUT, when it came to helping out with things I was too tired to do (or even too emotional to do with the second pregnancy), she was on top of most of it. HOWEVER, there are women who are married or have boyfriends when they have a child and STILL don't get the support and help they need from them. So, as long as you know the type of help you'll need from family and friends, and as long as they understand and are willing to contribute, the ride should be a lot smoother.

 

With my first, I was pretty ok with everything except I was afraid to go to sleep (he woke up every 2 hours like clockwork, and it was bit maddening at first because I was not a napper, and didnt pump). During this time, I actually learned html. Yes, the sleep situation was that bad. I think the adrenaline rush from the fresh babysmell is the only thing that kept me running on E! The only thing I was moody about with that one was unexpected company... and my mom. But I didn't accept all the extra help I should have at first, and it's amazing that my hair did not turn white.

 

My second was a totally different story. I nursed and used formula, and that's when grandma helped out with feeding (and why I didn't simply nurse), actually taking time off of work to be with me. She took care of laundry and dishes, but I also had a tempermental little one who wanted to send the new baby back to the hospital.

 

The other thing about being a single parent is that you're the parent. Regardless of how much my mother, friends and family my love my children, their concern is not the same as my own. In this sense, from my experience, they can't always relate to my concerns, wishes, and the like. This is probably one of the most frustrating things about being a single parent in theory. And I say in theory because that's with the assumption that two involved parents seeing eye to eye being just that... an assumption. For intstance, daddy might be a spoiler and mommy might be against it... similar to my situation with the grands.

 

I guess in other words, while having two parents in the home is always ideal, it doesn't guarantee that things will be easier. Honestly, I do like my situation better (in theory, once again), because I don't have to argue with anyone about which activities my children will or will not participate in. I don't have to argue with anyone about any such decisions, as they're all left up to me. On the other hand, I have a 6 year old who still doesn't want to stand up to pee... lol.

[lovestruck818]

why is thread posted again?? there is already the same exact thread posted...

[MarieD]

Yes, like you said, its ideal for a baby to grow up in a 2 parent home, but that doesn't mean its easiest. A friend of mine has a husband that doesn't do a thing, hasn't even changed a diaper & just sits on the couch while she tends to her 2 daughters.

 

NO THANK you! I rather be a single mom & not deal with that!!

[blind_otter]

I was thinking about this post this morning at 5:30am while changing a poopy diaper. I think it would be possible to be a single parent and not go completely insane if you had, say, a nanny or other helpful relative that would be willing to move in with you for the first 3 months or so.

 

But it really does depend on the child - and you can't really predict what kind of baby you will have. A friend of mine who was commiserating with me early this morning has a 15 month old son and he said he was very lucky - his son wasn't too clingy and slept through the night at a very young age. He was able to get sleep at night (he is actually the primary caregiver, his wife works full time and he works part time) and he mentioned that his wife and he are thinking of having another baby, but hearing my tales of woe gives him pause because he didn't realize that all babies weren't that easy.

 

My older sister had 1 high needs baby (her oldest) but the younger two were much easier to deal with.

 

So it depends not only on the mom, and her available resources, but also on the child. It just amazes me that I have SO MUCH help - from family and friends - but I am still so tapped out. Hopefully things will improve as time goes by.

[KinAZ]

My grandmother got married and became pregnant the old fashioned way with my mother when she was 43 years old. It happens. My mother came out just fine. There are plenty of women who have healthy babies later in life, and don't need medical assistance (other than a sperm donation) to become pregnant. If it's your first, I hear that labor can be a hot mess the older you get. But one of my sisters just had her first child at 35, actually found out she was pregnant soon after the doctor told her that she should consider whether or not she would want to have children, as she was starting to reach that point of no return.

 

Does a wife who has a baby at 40 with her husband the old fashioned way feel guilty about her decision?

 

If her family is close... I do imagine that they will help her raise her child in some capacity even if she were happily married, regardless of the child's health. That's what some families do, believe it or not. That's how most families used to be...

[ed-205]

Trust me on this, being a Single Parent is NOT a goal to shoot for, no matter what the means. If a person (either male OR female) is incapable of forming a stable relationship with a Significant Other, what in the world makes them think their relationship with their offspring will be any different? This is something you REALLY need to think long and hard about, because there's no turning back.

 

Try this - Find ANY single mother with a newborn. and offer to take the kid for an indefinite period of time, she'll probably jump at the chance to get a break. Then, YOU care for this child all by yourself as if it were your own - changing Dirty Diapers, Feeding times at 1:00AM with the persistent screaming, crying and pukeing, Daycare, and ALL the other expenses for this child's care will come out of YOUR pocket(book) for the duration of the trial period, then see how you feel about it.

 

When my wife left, and I became a single parent myself, her HAPPILY MARRIED sister and husband offered to take my two kids into their loving home indefinitely, and raise them as if they were their own for as long as necessary, even if it took years. They didn't last a week, and my bet is that you won't either.

 

Don't get me wrong, kids are great, but they are an AWESOME responsibility, and I could probably list a hundred opportunities I had to pass-up because my kids were more important than anything else in my life.

[KinAZ]

I don't mean to sound judgmental at all Ed, as I know what it feels like to have a responsibility "dumped" on you (for lack of better terms), just because that's the way life happened. My pregnancies weren't planned, but they were no "mistake" and so... the way I relate to my children is very different from most of the mothers who planned their pregnancies who I run into. That is to say, compared to me, they seem almost obsessed with their children. Some are actually prone to spoiling them. The older they are, or the harder they tried to have children, the more their children are fussed over and such. The little kids who aren't potty trained till they're 3 years old, for example.

 

I don't know what she may have posted in other threads, but I find it odd that you say she's "incapable" of forming a stable relationship. Didn't you just say that your wife left you? Would you say that you are incapable of forming/maintaing a stable relationship? I'm not understanding the judgment passed on her question...

 

It is an awesome responsibility. The late night feedings don't last forever, and they're replaced by the stomach flu, colds, or even fear of something that doesn't exist simply because it's bedtime and they don't want to go to sleep. lol

 

Most of the women who don't have children by age 35 have already heard all of the horror stories, they have seen the tantrums in the grocery stores, and so forth. But comparing the struggle of parenthood which lasts more than 18 years, of course... to living a lifetime never having children... especially to someone who doesn't have them... there really is no comparison.

 

I guess I can empathize with this question because I know women who are getting older, haven't found the "one" yet, and do wonder if they will ever have children. When I was younger, even though I married young, I had my entire life planned out at the age of 16 and was already working towards those many things I hoped to accomplish. It made me sad... yes, in my teens, that I might never have children, and probably never a husband, because I wanted to do SO MANY things with my life. I wanted to have a whole litter of babies, and thought I would be in my 30s before I had time to start a family, and by then I might only have time for ONE.

 

So, while my situation was not ideal, and the marriage and baby seemed to fall out of the sky, I wasn't sad at all, because for me... the things I worried would never happen came, though not when I was expecting. People told me not to "throw my life away" and I was insulted! My entire family was angry over every thing, including the wedding they weren't invited to (and weren't informed of).

 

And as hard as some of those times have been, as difficult as it has been to shoulder not only the responsibilities, but the WORRYING... there isn't a day that I have ever wished that my children weren't here, and I can't imagine my life without them! My youngest gave me a gray hair! Hahaha... It's a stress and responsibility that people who don't have children, or who have not experienced life as a single parent can't understand.

 

At the same time, not being able to have children, or THINKING that you can't or won't is also something that people who have not experienced it can't fully understand either. Some children are quiet little angels, and then there are active overly imaginative little creatures like my boys, and you don't know what you're gonna get. The good times far out weigh the bad, and even better... I have two people to take care of me in my old age.

[porter218]

It's been 6 weeks since I slept more than 90 minutes at a time. Some days (like today) I function on about 3 hours sleep, total. When my S/O gets home from work I hand him the baby and crash out for an hour, or take a bath (finally!! - I stink and my breasts leak). It takes hours to do what once took me half an hour.

 

.

BO this is when you need a baby swing. All you do is set it up in front of the bath tub and then you can soak yourself to your hearts content. Make sure to talk to the baby while you are doing this so that he knows you haven't forgotten him. Having a newborn all to yourself isn't too hard as long as you implement all the 'tricks of the trade'. I had my son all to myself from about 1.5weeks old to 2 months old(my H was traveling). You just have to be inventive with ways to go about your day. Swings and baby carriers(those ones you wear on your chest) are a godsend.

[ed-205]

I don't mean to sound judgmental at all Ed, as I know what it feels like to have a responsibility "dumped" on you (for lack of better terms), just because that's the way life happened.

 

Neither do I, and I apologize for coming off that way. Please do not take my succinct style as anything other than what it is, it is not my intent to me hurtful in any way, but brief and to the point.

 

Yes, "Life Happens", and not everything turns out the way we expect or hope it will... We can only do the best we can with what we have. The main difference here is that MarieD has a *CHOICE*, where I did not.

 

I don't know what she may have posted in other threads, but I find it odd that you say she's "incapable" of forming a stable relationship.

 

That was a general statement on my part. It was MarieD herself who pointed out that " I could accept never getting married & having a husband, but I can't accept never having kids.", and that to me suggests that she assumes a Husband / Father is a superfluous part of a family. The fact that about 80% of the people in prison today were raised in single - Mother households suggests that assumption is specious at best.

>>>THAT, of course, is NOT to say that single - Mothers are not GOOD PARENTS!!! It simply suggests that children raised with the influence of a Father have a better developed sense of discipline and responsibility. Children need both parents, and I will always believe that, which leads to the second part of your comment ...

Didn't you just say that your wife left you? Would you say that you are incapable of forming/maintaing a stable relationship? I'm not understanding the judgment passed on her question...

 

Yes, she did leave me, and yes I *am* capable of forming stable relationships. Just because we are no longer married doesn't mean that we have an unstable relationship! She will always be the Mother of my sons, and I will be forever grateful to her for that, no matter what. Our relationship has been for the most part, a warm friendship, and I even managed to develop a friendship with her second husband. The three children from her second marriage treat me as their Uncle. I babysat them on many occasions when they were very young, and she did the same for me. From the beginning, we learned to co-operate for the good of our kids, and never had to set foot in a courtroom nor required the services of a Lawyer. Although I had "De facto" custody, we had open visitation rights, and support payments were eventually arranged on an "as needed" basis, taking into account the well-being all 5 of her children.

These are the type of relationships I'm talking about, with the most important relationships of all being between the children, and BOTH their parents. The parents have to co-operate to make that happen, and that's going to be a little difficult if the father is little more than a Turkey Baster.

 

Of course, you can argue that there are many men who will be willing to fill the paternal role in the child's life, and that may well be true, but the question is, will the Mother LET them? Will the child see him as "the man I respect who taught me how to make the right decisions in life", or "the nice guy who gave me candy and took me to the park once a month"? Is MarieD *willing* to invest the time and effort to develop a stable relationship with such a man, based on love and trust, that she will allow him the influence he *needs* to do the job effectively? From tone she seems to convey in her short post, I'm not thinkin' so, but that's just my opinion. I could be very wrong about her intentions.

MarieD - Now that I'm done making a pompous ass of myself, let me say that I honestly DO hope that you have the child(ren) that you desire, and how you manage that is not for myself or anyone else to judge. Being a single parent can be the single most rewarding experience of your life, but make no mistake - IT WILL BECOME YOUR LIFE!

All I ask is that you do not take the choice lightly. Any woman can have a baby, but I believe what you really want is "Family", to become an extended part of that, and it is your right to do so. Please give yourself the chance to create something wonderful, and not to become a burden on yourself and those around you - it is the difference between a Dream and a Nightmare. For example, I know one single mom who has paid hundreds of dollars in fines, and almost went to Jail because her 15 year old son simply refused to go to school, just *one* of the many problems she had with him. My sons have their moments, but they have *NEVER* caused such issues for me. The difference, I believe, is that I learned to forgive those who hurt me, and love those who deserved my spite. My worst adversaries became my strongest allies, and I did so to create the relationships I knew my children would need so they would never be without people they trusted to guide them, and give them the answers they needed when I couldn't.

Family is important. It doesn't have to be the conventional, "Nuclear" type, (mine certainly isn't!), but it *has* to be there, and it *has* to be based on love and trust. If you can accomplish that, then you have my blessing as well.

 

Best of luck to you!

[KinAZ]

Sorry, Ed... I didn't mean to make you feel the need to explain your situation. I'm divorced as well. It's just that when you mentioned "incapable" it did sound rather harsh. In any event, it is no easy road. I had to choose between having the life of STABLE single mother, or instability with a man around. It's not an easy choice! The people I knew who did NOT know their fathers would much rather have had them around. Me, lol I was the opposite. Either you're around or you're not. Either you're a full time father, or you're not. It was a hard choice to make. In the end, I decided that it wasn't worth the risk and if my children later decide to form a relationship, I will not stop them. But in the early years, I thought a stable, healthy environment was far better than a turbulent or toxic one.

 

And yes, you're children DO become your life, and I'm at a point now where I'm trying to let go ALREADY so that my boys have more freedoms and even more responsibilities, so that I can find myself again apart from simply being "The Mom".

 

And yes, there is a thin line between dream and nightmare as well. This I do agree with. And in some cases it requires us to go far out of our ways and do whatever it takes to keep our children on the right paths. My uncle, may he rest in peace, all of his children but ONE found their way into jail for some period of time. They've all been arrested at least once (aside from the one), and two found their ways to early graves. He and his wife stayed together until death and had a happy marriage for all I could tell. And two of my cousins... both had one child who went the right way and one who went the wrong way, neither was a single parent home.

 

It's not always the case that there will be more discipline because a man is around. I have a cousin... he spoiled his kids, let them do what they wanted, the mother would always argue against it, and when they were disrespectful towards her he NEVER put them back in line. Imagine 5 kids like that. Imagine divorcing a man after having 5 kids like that. lol

 

NO, I'm not anti-man. I know what the statistics say, but two people who don't work together are worse than one who is working his or her butt off. And I only say that because of what I've seen it with my own eyes. This is why I have serious issues with the grands spoiling my boys and especially on the rare occasions when they try to contradict me when it comes to parenting.

 

My boys don't have to grow up to be wealthy, they don't have to go to college for 10 years to make me happy. All I care about is that they have common sense and know how to use it, and that they grow up with healthy self-esteems and enough real world experience to know that everything won't be handed to them just because they want it. To me, the heaviest responsibility isn't providing for them, and the expenses... but making sure they turn out well. And at the same time... trying not to obsess over it. lol

[ed-205]

Sorry, Ed... I didn't mean to make you feel the need to explain your situation. I'm divorced as well. It's just that when you mentioned "incapable" it did sound rather harsh. In any event, it is no easy road. I had to choose between having the life of STABLE single mother, or instability with a man around. It's not an easy choice! The people I knew who did NOT know their fathers would much rather have had them around. Me, lol I was the opposite. Either you're around or you're not. Either you're a full time father, or you're not. It was a hard choice to make. In the end, I decided that it wasn't worth the risk and if my children later decide to form a relationship, I will not stop them. But in the early years, I thought a stable, healthy environment was far better than a turbulent or toxic one.

 

No need to apologize! Your situation sort of defines the "Incapable" statement though, using your Ex as an example. If he didn't have a stable relationship with you, how was his relationship with the kids? Mine definitely fit the image until about 2 years after the divorce when she straightened out a bit. There's always hope, but in any event, you have to do what you believe is best.

 

NO, I'm not anti-man. I know what the statistics say, but two people who don't work together are worse than one who is working his or her butt off. And I only say that because of what I've seen it with my own eyes. This is why I have serious issues with the grands spoiling my boys and especially on the rare occasions when they try to contradict me when it comes to parenting.

 

Yes, statistics can be 100% true and 100% useless at the same time, and I try to mention them with that in mind. I used to have the link to the raw data, but all i can find now are quotes by special interest groups who obviously only use the parts that reflect their POV, and I'm always suspicious of groups that quote statistics without linking to the source (even if I agree with them!)

[KinAZ]

LOL how is it that my situation defines the "incapable" comment? I reproduced and married young. It's just that simple. I don't think him incapable now of forming a romantic relationship that is stable. (However, I do think him a little unwilling.) With regard to my children... this is a thread about being a single parent by choice. And yes, I am a TOTALLY single parent, and yes by choice.Tis why I said I would not stop my sons from forming a relationship when they're older.

 

As far as the stats, I don't think it really matters, as I've heard them myself. My main point was that parents need to work together, and if they don't work well together for the sake of their children then they're not much better than a single parent household. In a perfect world, yes, my boys would a home with two loving parents. But the fact that they don't does not make me anymore "incapable" than you, the original poster, on anyone else in this world.

 

I married in my teens because I was pregnant. I married a man who I thought wanted a wife, but we were BOTH too young to have realistic expectations of love and marriage. So, no, I still don't fault him. I made a choice... on my own, in the best interest of my children. So, no, mine certainly is not a matter of incapability. And no, while I don't know the OPs entire story, I don't think it is necessarily a matter of incapability either.

 

You couldn't make your ex-wife stay with you anymore than I could make my ex-husband grow up. Some things are simply out of our hands. That doesn't make either of us incapable, but... life just happens sometimes. "Wrong" choices, or even right choice which didn't turn out the way we intended them to.

 

All of this aside, the original poster wants to have a baby. And as long as she has the support that she needs, understands the challenges of parenthood, and understands the importance of the new job title... I think she should do just fine.

[blind_otter]

BO this is when you need a baby swing. All you do is set it up in front of the bath tub and then you can soak yourself to your hearts content. Make sure to talk to the baby while you are doing this so that he knows you haven't forgotten him. Having a newborn all to yourself isn't too hard as long as you implement all the 'tricks of the trade'. I had my son all to myself from about 1.5weeks old to 2 months old(my H was traveling). You just have to be inventive with ways to go about your day. Swings and baby carriers(those ones you wear on your chest) are a godsend.

 

Oh, I have a baby swing and a vibrating baby chair. I also have a back baby carrier, a front carrier, a "kozy carrier" made of fabric, a sling and a moby.

 

My son hates the swing with a white hot passion. I don't know if he's too small for it (he's 11.5 lbs now) or what, but he screams to the high heavens whenever I start buckling him in. The vibrating chair, he will tolerate for short periods of time, but never long enough for me to soak in the tub. Historically, he will be quiet in the chair for long enough for me to run the water, get into the tub, and start washing my hair.

 

And with all of the infant carriers, he cannot stand them. I have to rock him to sleep and sneak him into them. Yesterday, after my 7 week postpartum visit at the birth center, he fell asleep and I snuck him into a grocery store for a half an hour. As soon as he woke up he was wiggling around and stretching his legs and finally, crying.

 

I think he wants to be able to look around at things, but he's still too young for that and won't have complete head control and neck strength for at least another month. He just seems to want arms around him almost all of the time. Last night I was shocked and happy that he was able to handle being in his crib alone for 20 minutes.

 

I was just blessed with a very needy baby who insists on being held. Not all babies are the same, unfortunately. But my older sister insists that he is teaching me to be a good mother, so I just soldier on.

[ed-205]

LOL how is it that my situation defines the "incapable" comment? I reproduced and married young. It's just that simple. I don't think him incapable now of forming a romantic relationship that is stable. (However, I do think him a little unwilling.) With regard to my children... this is a thread about being a single parent by choice. And yes, I am a TOTALLY single parent, and yes by choice.Tis why I said I would not stop my sons from forming a relationship when they're older.

 

As far as the stats, I don't think it really matters, as I've heard them myself. My main point was that parents need to work together, and if they don't work well together for the sake of their children then they're not much better than a single parent household. In a perfect world, yes, my boys would a home with two loving parents. But the fact that they don't does not make me anymore "incapable" than you, the original poster, on anyone else in this world.

 

All of this aside, the original poster wants to have a baby. And as long as she has the support that she needs, understands the challenges of parenthood, and understands the importance of the new job title... I think she should do just fine.

I'm going to have to agree with you on this. "Unwilling" is probably the word I should have used from the start. After all, we DO have some degree of choice in our relationships, and "incapable" suggests otherwise. My bad...

Despite my dire warning, I feel the same way if that is what she really wants and is willing to make the sacrifices to achieve that.

[stillafool]

I understand how you feel MarieD but you have to consider what's best for the child not just yourself. You may not mind being a single mother but your child may yearn for a father. I have friends who grew up without a father and some of them are really messed up over this. Especially the women. It's not fair to deprive a child of a father.

[MarieD]

Kin u said...............All of this aside, the original poster wants to have a baby. And as long as she has the support that she needs, understands the challenges of parenthood, and understands the importance of the new job title... I think she should do just fine.

 

I WANT the baby and I have the support I need & will have more love than a baby could ever need. & I understand that a baby will be MY life!

I am ready for the new title!!

 

I know it won't be easy, but i will do my very best possible!!!

[Bayliss4902]

Okay, I just started reading this whole thing. And I am a single parent myself. Funny how things worked out. Growing up I always thought it would be cool to be a single mom to a son. And the way luck has turned out, I am.

 

I was married when I had my son (will be 5 in December) and three months after he was born my ex left to go to Iraq. He was gone over a year and came back for 6 months before we just couldn't be together anymore. So besides about 9 months of my son's life I have been doing it on my own. As long as you got a good support system and you are financially stable to do so, GO FOR IT! I wouldn't give my son up for anything in the world. His father lives so far away and has so many problems that I don't get any help from him, but I still do it just fine. There are many single parents out there who provide more then having two parents. If you want to have a baby and be single then go for it. You are not depriving this child of anything. You are giving this child life. And even though at a young age children don't understand why things work out the way they do, they will when they get older. And you will gain respect from that! So go for it, do what makes you happy!

[lovestruck818]

but doesn't what you are getting from the sperm bank concern you AT ALL? In the other thread I have proved they barely test the sperm for anything...

 

sounds incredibly stupid to me. Why in the world would you want to have a baby with someone's sperm who you don't know- a COMPLETE stranger.