Do you think some people attract unhealthy relationships?

[PandorasBox]

What do you think attracts people to one another? Sure it might be chemistry but I mean, there are some people men and women who seem to attract certain kind people. For example, why do you think some women attract certain kinds of men who might end up abusing them, or damaging their self esteem in some way. The same could be said for men as well, attracting certain types of women.

 

I guess the reason I ask this is, I have seen many threads here lately that talks about affairs and the way they were treated that caused the "affair" or their husbands or b/fs heavily into drugs or porn. I see where they ask for help or advice but then when someone tells them something they all of a sudden defend that persons bevahior they orgainlly questioned. I do agree, that sometimes we may not always know a person is in this kind of bevhaior until later on in a relationship, but do you think maybe some know what they may or may not be getting themselves into, but ignore the signs? Or do you think they attract unhealthy people and unhealthy realtionships because maybe they themselves are unhealthy, if that makes sense?

 

Sorry, I know what I'm trying to say, just not sure how to word it. Hopefully others will get what I'm trying to say, lol.

 

So I guess the better question is, do you think some people attract unhealthy relationships to themselves? If so, why do you think that might be?

[alphamale]

So I guess the better question is, do you think some people attract unhealthy relationships to themselves? If so, why do you think that might be?

yes some do pick the same "type" over and over. many of these people may have been abused as children or had an unhappy childhood. thats one theory.

 

apparently whatever happens to you as a child has the strongest influence on you as an adult...

[PandorasBox]

yes some do pick the same "type" over and over. many of these people may have been abused as children or had an unhappy childhood. thats one theory.

 

apparently whatever happens to you as a child has the strongest influence on you as an adult...

 

 

Hey alpha good to see you. Where ya been?

[Trialbyfire]

Absolutely, each person attracts certain types by giving the type the green light for a relationship.

 

I also agree with historical family and/or trusted ones, treatment. While some are strong enough and have sufficient self-awareness to break out of the cycle, most can't completely leave it behind.

 

I also believe that a dysfunctional relationship dynamic can be caused by a lack of self-awareness of what sparks chemistry within you. For example, you might be looking at x, y, z qualities and not be aware that a "c" quality impacts compatibility. You see so many non-compatible people due to personal sensitivity levels.

 

Woman: He's insensitive and cruel!

Man: She's so overly sensitive and lacks a sense of humour.

 

Realistically speaking, the most functional would fall in the middle.

[PandorasBox]

Absolutely, each person attracts certain types by giving the type the green light for a relationship.

 

I also agree with historical family and/or trusted ones, treatment. While some are strong enough and have sufficient self-awareness to break out of the cycle, most can't completely leave it behind.

 

I also believe that a dysfunctional relationship dynamic can be caused by a lack of self-awareness of what sparks chemistry within you. For example, you might be looking at x, y, z qualities and not be aware that a "c" quality impacts compatibility. You see so many non-compatible people due to personal sensitivity levels.

 

Woman: He's insensitive and cruel!

Man: She's so overly sensitive and lacks a sense of humour.

 

Realistically speaking, the most functional would fall in the middle.

 

This makes sense. What about those who may attract a certain type of person, doesn't like what that person is doing, wants help for the situation, but then they defend the very person they have an issue with when given advice or suggestions from others? Why do they do that? Do they truly want help and not like the situation they are in? Do you think alot of people even realize they attract certain types of people?

[Meaplus3]

What do you think attracts people to one another? Sure it might be chemistry but I mean, there are some people men and women who seem to attract certain kind people. For example, why do you think some women attract certain kinds of men who might end up abusing them, or damaging their self esteem in some way. The same could be said for men as well, attracting certain types of women.

 

I guess the reason I ask this is, I have seen many threads here lately that talks about affairs and the way they were treated that caused the "affair" or their husbands or b/fs heavily into drugs or porn. I see where they ask for help or advice but then when someone tells them something they all of a sudden defend that persons bevahior they orgainlly questioned. I do agree, that sometimes we may not always know a person is in this kind of bevhaior until later on in a relationship, but do you think maybe some know what they may or may not be getting themselves into, but ignore the signs? Or do you think they attract unhealthy people and unhealthy realtionships because maybe they themselves are unhealthy, if that makes sense?

 

Sorry, I know what I'm trying to say, just not sure how to word it. Hopefully others will get what I'm trying to say, lol.

 

So I guess the better question is, do you think some people attract unhealthy relationships to themselves? If so, why do you think that might be?

 

I think often thats very true. I believe the reason behind it.. is simply from what a person has come to know. Could possibly stem from relationships that they saw while young and for that matter how the person was raised. I really believe that history repeats itself. Hope I made sense.

 

AP:)

[marlena]

Yes, I do believe this to be true: the healthier you are (mentally and physically), the more you will attract similar types of people.

 

So, what is the moral of the story?

 

IMO, work hard on getting yourself to a place where you like and respect yourself. Once you've reached that point, you will appreciate your own company so much that you won't depend on others for your happiness and well-being. Now, THAT'S when you stand a chance of finding some one who will make you an even happier person.

[lovestruck818]

I always attract losers...I have had only 1 good relationship and that didn't end b/c either of us wanted to- he was moving overseas for a job.

 

I'm extremely attractive (at least *I* think so) and it is hard for me to meet quality men b/c all they want to do is sleep with me. No one ever wants to marry the pretty girl.

[Trialbyfire]

This makes sense. What about those who may attract a certain type of person, doesn't like what that person is doing, wants help for the situation, but then they defend the very person they have an issue with when given advice or suggestions from others? Why do they do that? Do they truly want help and not like the situation they are in? Do you think alot of people even realize they attract certain types of people?

If you're looking at many people who come and post on LS, most often they're looking for validation of "rightness" of action that they've already done or will be doing or validation of self.

 

Also, most people don't bother to understand themselves or can't see or understand why they do things because they allow their emotions to dominate actions. Very short-term thinking. When doing so, the fallout is what you see on LS:

 

Help me out of an immediate situation v. addressing the underlying issue(s).

 

As for people realizing they're giving a certain type the green light, no, I doubt they do. It's about how the other person makes them feel, functionally or dysfunctionally.

 

Keep in mind that I'm most definitely not stating that I'm perfect in how I address relationships. When emotionally involved, I've done some seriously short-term actions myself.