astra77 Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 I agree, some MM/MW do leave, i know someone who left his M to be with his OW - they eventually M - but if it is dragging on past 6 months, then it's highly unlikely the MM/MW will leave for the OM/OW. Dragging someone through a bush backwards and stringing them along is not only unfair, it is wrong on so many levels, for EVERYONE involved. There is ALOT more of that happening here on LS than success stories. BUT it can / does happen, people can end up with their AP. If the A is dragging on, then it is just that, an A, if MM/MW is taking steps to leave the M and their actions match their words, then i guess there would be hope. That being said, if MM/MW REALLY wants the OM/OW, they would most certainly move heaven and earth to leave the M, get a D and then could live happily ever after like GEL and OWoman. Their new loves obviously had the balls to do the right thing, some guys /girls just dont, and would rather have two woman / men in their lives. I guess its just that simple.
whichwayisup Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 Sorry, I wasn't going by any stats, just going on what I've read and seen on LS. I can say in the past 4 years I've only read of maybe 8 out of hundreds+hundreds or more MM/MW leaving their spouses to be with the OW/OM.
bentnotbroken Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Some leave(not by choice all the time) and still don't end up with the ow.
NoIDidn't Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 It is too bad that women can't just want the very best for each other (even if that looks different to some) instead of always finding a way to get a jab in. Wow. I am not touching this any further. LOL. You KWIM, GEL. Some do leave. Most, reportedly, don't. But I happen to feel that men typically don't leave one relationship without having a soft place to land already set up. So maybe, some just leave for the OOW. J/k Seriously, though. I couldn't be in a relationship with a man that was impacted by whether or not he left someone else to be with me - and I knew that was the case. Too many variables to account for.
Angel1111 Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 There is ALOT more of that happening here on LS than success stories. BUT it can / does happen, people can end up with their AP. The 'success stories' are probably too busy snuggling up together to bother with reporting in to the statistics board - or to chat all night on LS. I think the statistics we always hear about are slightly skewed in the sense that there are probably numerous affairs that go on without anyone's knowledge. The couple divorces and his OW is brought in like a new girlfriend. It's not possible to track these kinds of things. And you're talking about a subject that is still a hot topic and people aren't likely to show their hand it if they end up together. So I think there's an imbalance of sad stories simply becaue they're going to be the ones to reach out for support because they are hurting so much.
KnownTruth Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Hello! I just wanted to add my 2 cents here! I had an affair with a married man a few years ago for over 3 years! We had an apartment that was furnished & that we were supposed to move into, but never did. The broken promises broke my heart. We had a love that was unbelieveable, but 'love just wasn't enough'. He promised me for 1 1/2 years that he would leave but never did. So for all you ladies out there waiting for your MM to leave, don't waste your time, they don't leave. You deserve better ladies!! If they cheat with you, they will cheat on you!! It was a heart breaking situation, but i am proud that i got out of it! I does seem like the MM never leaves, but in some rare instances they do. MM that I was seeing promised me that he was leaving his wife and just never did. He came up with every excuse why he couldn't. Even when the tables were turned and she was cheating on him he still didn't walk out! So I guess misery loves company. I moved on from the relationship and will never get involved with a MM again. I just could not handle the ups and downs and living with the guilt I was feeling. I am entitled to be happy with a nice single man and a fresh start at life. Kudos to you for getting the strength to do what was right for you. Not all of us are cut out to be the OW.
GreenEyedLady Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 Wow. I am not touching this any further. LOL. You KWIM, GEL. Some do leave. Most, reportedly, don't. But I happen to feel that men typically don't leave one relationship without having a soft place to land already set up. So maybe, some just leave for the OOW. J/k Seriously, though. I couldn't be in a relationship with a man that was impacted by whether or not he left someone else to be with me - and I knew that was the case. Too many variables to account for. You see, getting another jab in. Does it occur to anyone that perhaps the best thing for a BS is a man who doesn't cheat on her?! Hello! I hope for the best for his XW. I've never wished ill will on her. They weren't right for each other, or either of them would have fought for their M but they BOTH chose not to. I'm sick of arguing the same point over and over. All the "they don't leave" bull**** when I am living the very opposite and know so many examples that prove that point over and over again. I think I'm just not going to even bother anymore. I'm not the Other Woman anymore. And I never will be again. GEL P.S. WWIU the trolls don't count. So the stats would be skewed with them included.
NoIDidn't Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 You see, getting another jab in. Does it occur to anyone that perhaps the best thing for a BS is a man who doesn't cheat on her?! Hello! I hope for the best for his XW. I've never wished ill will on her. They weren't right for each other, or either of them would have fought for their M but they BOTH chose not to. I'm sick of arguing the same point over and over. All the "they don't leave" bull**** when I am living the very opposite and know so many examples that prove that point over and over again. I think I'm just not going to even bother anymore. I'm not the Other Woman anymore. And I never will be again. GEL P.S. WWIU the trolls don't count. So the stats would be skewed with them included. :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: Confused, I am.
whichwayisup Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 I didn't see a jab there at all. P.S. WWIU the trolls don't count. So the stats would be skewed with them included Nah I wasn't talking about the trolls. Or the one "GOT MY MAN!" by a certain poster either.
NoIDidn't Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 I didn't see a jab there at all. There is no jab in there. At least not an intended one, anyway. Just because I wouldn't be waiting for a man to dump someone (ever again, mind you), isn't a jab. Its just a decision I made for me. Its maddening. Wondering why he won't leave yet. What has she got that I haven't? Maybe I'm not doing something right? Yada, yada, yada. And this guy wasn't even married!!! ETA - That, and I only did it for two weeks before getting fed up with the excuses and rationalizations as to why he couldn't leave his gf. No jab.
bentnotbroken Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: Confused, I am. Meeee Tooooo:confused:
herenow Posted August 27, 2008 Posted August 27, 2008 We are taking about the same man no matter what he does or who he is with. A cheating MM has to work out his own issues about why he cheated in the first place. If a man is truly unhappy in his marriage, he will get a divorce and move on. The MM that cheats (in my opinion) has issues that need to be dealt with before he can be honest and faithful to any woman. So, unless he is willing to look deep inside and figure out why he has a wife and an OW and can't commit to either (I'm not talking about GEL or those who are in her situation), he isn't going to be able to be 100% there for anyone.
NewSunrise Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 You see, getting another jab in. Does it occur to anyone that perhaps the best thing for a BS is a man who doesn't cheat on her?! Hello! I hope for the best for his XW. I've never wished ill will on her. They weren't right for each other, or either of them would have fought for their M but they BOTH chose not to. I'm sick of arguing the same point over and over. All the "they don't leave" bull**** when I am living the very opposite and know so many examples that prove that point over and over again. Let's just take this a notch and do each other all a favor... Ladies, if your dude is married, lay off or better yet, run. The dude is not the only game in town. Same goes for you men---don't bed another man's wife. After all, isn't cheating a "choice" much in the same way as stealing from anyone including cheating the IRS? It's a choice. But then again, if "mature" adults don't cheat on their spouses, LS, marriage counselors and child psychologists, lawyers, drug companies wouldn't exist, would they? No jabs intended....
me003 Posted August 30, 2008 Posted August 30, 2008 MOst men do not leave their M for one reason or another ever if he is in love or not in love with OW. NO matter how bad it gets some people have so much more invested in their M to leave. I know a MM who has been with his OW for the past 16 years. They leave together for the past 10 years. For some reason or another he will not end his M even though he is committed to his OW... weird I know. So in this case I am not sure if you would call this leaving his W for the OW. I left my MM because he says and I believed that he loved me, but was afraid to loose his family (kids not with him full time and moved to another state) I also donlt think that as OW (i am an EXOW) we grow up and dream of being an OW. To go through all the pain and tears and years. I know most say it just doesn;t happen, but somehow it just happens and some of us a blinded my all this love that we feel for this M. In a way it's like loving chocolate, knowing you shoudl not taste it or eat it because it is bad for you, but breaking your diet and eating some, being drawn to it and even if it is no longer in your site remembering how wonderful the chocolate was and the feelings that went along with it. gee... now I'm hungry.
OWoman Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 We are taking about the same man no matter what he does or who he is with. A cheating MM has to work out his own issues about why he cheated in the first place. If a man is truly unhappy in his marriage, he will get a divorce and move on. The MM that cheats (in my opinion) has issues that need to be dealt with before he can be honest and faithful to any woman. So, unless he is willing to look deep inside and figure out why he has a wife and an OW and can't commit to either (I'm not talking about GEL or those who are in her situation), he isn't going to be able to be 100% there for anyone. Agreed. I don't buy this "once a cheater, always a cheater" BS nor the mutatis mutandis claim that it is absolutely impossible to recover a M after an A. I've witnessed up close how a MM became long-term faithful to his second W (fOW) and I've seen plenty of others at slightly greater distance (friends, colleagues). I've also seen Ms that have recovered from As where both partners have been committed to making it work. I think HN is spot on that if the MM is willing to be honest and confront what it was that led to the "cheating", change (with the same, or another partner) is perfectly possible. Hard work, but certainly possible.
herenow Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Agreed. I don't buy this "once a cheater, always a cheater" BS nor the mutatis mutandis claim that it is absolutely impossible to recover a M after an A. I've witnessed up close how a MM became long-term faithful to his second W (fOW) and I've seen plenty of others at slightly greater distance (friends, colleagues). I've also seen Ms that have recovered from As where both partners have been committed to making it work. I think HN is spot on that if the MM is willing to be honest and confront what it was that led to the "cheating", change (with the same, or another partner) is perfectly possible. Hard work, but certainly possible. Thanks OW. The first step to a cheater being committed to anyone or anything is the ability for him or her to be honest to all involved including him(or her)self. Accepting responsibility for their actions is also a must. As long as the cheater places blames on anyone but themselves, he or she (IMO) cannot be trusted.
GPFan Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 Anywhere from two-thirds to seventy-five percent of divorces are initiated by women. Men are hesitant partly due to limited access to minor children and splitting assets. Very painful realities for many divorced men. On the other side, second marriages suffer a higher rate of divorce than first marriages. Add to this the societal pressures against a public or discovered affair and you have a big picture that is very dreary and uninspiring.
Recommended Posts