eugene3 Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 Hello, Ok ex broke off enagement almost 6 months ago. Long story short we were togther over 2 years and enaged 5 months. She said she was not happy anymore. We had issues towards the end and mostly me with anger and her not trusting me. I never cheated on her but she suspects i did. Anyway over the last few months we talked here and there and the longest we had NC was 1 month. She has some things of mine that i wanted back over this time she never sent it or tried to get it to me after many times i asked for it. The way i saw it if we are over then lets close everything out. I mailed back all her things but never got mine after she said she would. This went back and forth for months until over a week ago i sent a e-mail that basically said if we done 100% and there is no doubt then e-mail me back that and then send my things back. I then said if we can salvage something with us let me know and take some time to think more about it. So i told her to let me know if she would think about it and let me know in a few days. She e-mails me and says she has alot to say and not the time to say it. I told her ok we will talk about it in a few days. 3 days later she calls me for the first time in 3 months and i was amazed. We talked about family and stuff for over 2 hours. Anyway she said to me " i am not coming back you need to give up hope" I said you called me for that when all you had to do is e-mail me no and that you are 100% sure we are done and that would have been it. Anyway i asked her if she loved me and she kept dodging the question. Finally she gets mad and says : i guess i dont love you anymore" I said ok and she said " i miss the relationship and the good times and i miss you but not like you miss me" So to end the conversation i said since i feel you have doubt or what ifs with us just like i do since you will not return my things take 1 month and think about us, i will be around your area since she lives 1 hour away and i can get my things and we can maybe go for some drinks and talk. I said maybe if we see each other it mite spark somthing since you and i both are not seeing each other. I said i will not bother you in anyway for that whle month. I said if nothing happens and we can not work things out at least we will be left with no doubts or what ifs and i get my things back. So i feel she is confused. I mean if i wanted to end something with somone i would tie a loose ends and leave that person no reason to contact me. I mean i feel she loves me maybe not in love and on top of that if she does not want to return my things then why is she not acting on it meaning ahe does not i feel want to let go so act on it talk to me. I can't believe the conversation on the phone started out with she wants me to give up hope then ends with her agreeing to see me for dinner and drinks possibly???? what is going on here??? I love her like crazy and after 6 months i still miss her alot. She says she is healed but i can't believe that. I think she is keeping herself busy to not think and help her. When i see her what should i do or talk about and how should i act, i mean at some point i want to discuss our future is there is one but do not want to push away... please help with these questions!!!!!
nopainnogain Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 I never cheated on her but she suspects i did. She was probably up to no good " i miss the relationship and the good times and i miss you but not like you miss me" . She has a good way of twisting words and shifting her guilt on you I mean if i wanted to end something with somone i would tie a loose ends and leave that person no reason to contact me.. Take inititive (sp) and do that to her I can't believe the conversation on the phone started out with she wants me to give up hope then ends with her agreeing to see me for dinner and drinks possibly???? She is clearly confused. Dont let her have her milk without buying the cow. Something sounds fishy with her and id keep my distance for a long while
Ronni_W Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 Anyway she said to me " i am not coming back you need to give up hope" ... i feel she is confused. Eugene, she said for you to give up hope cos she is not coming back to you. Listen to that, and do not allow her to manipulate you into harbouring FALSE hope. EVEN IF she is confused, you do not have to take on her confusion as your own. Do not hold onto the thought that if/when she finds clarity she will come back. She may also just be holding on to your "stuff" as a way to keep you like her puppet-on-a-string. Or she just can't be bothered to pack them up and send them back, or she just doesn't care what happens to it. It doesn't matter what is her position about your stuff. Just cos she has it, doesn't mean there is a hope for a successful reconciliation. We all would miss certain things after a 2-year relationship. That is totally normal and reasonable to expect. But it doesn't mean we are entertaining even one tiny thought of going back into that relationship. Like NoPain suggested, tie up whatever loose strings you can on your end, cut your losses, and request immediate 'no contact'. Consider whether your "stuff" is worth the leverage that it gives her over you? Maybe you can just tell her to donate it to some charitable organization -- let her know that you are SERIOUS about getting over the relationship, and moving forward. Whether or not she is also confused, for her it is over. That sucks. But that is, unfortunately, what you're dealing with. (((hugs)))
foxh1234 Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 Hello, Ok ex broke off enagement almost 6 months ago. Long story short we were togther over 2 years and enaged 5 months. She said she was not happy anymore. We had issues towards the end and mostly me with anger and her not trusting me. I never cheated on her but she suspects i did. Anyway over the last few months we talked here and there and the longest we had NC was 1 month. She has some things of mine that i wanted back over this time she never sent it or tried to get it to me after many times i asked for it. The way i saw it if we are over then lets close everything out. I mailed back all her things but never got mine after she said she would. This went back and forth for months until over a week ago i sent a e-mail that basically said if we done 100% and there is no doubt then e-mail me back that and then send my things back. I then said if we can salvage something with us let me know and take some time to think more about it. So i told her to let me know if she would think about it and let me know in a few days. She e-mails me and says she has alot to say and not the time to say it. I told her ok we will talk about it in a few days. 3 days later she calls me for the first time in 3 months and i was amazed. We talked about family and stuff for over 2 hours. Anyway she said to me " i am not coming back you need to give up hope" I said you called me for that when all you had to do is e-mail me no and that you are 100% sure we are done and that would have been it. Anyway i asked her if she loved me and she kept dodging the question. Finally she gets mad and says : i guess i dont love you anymore" I said ok and she said " i miss the relationship and the good times and i miss you but not like you miss me" So to end the conversation i said since i feel you have doubt or what ifs with us just like i do since you will not return my things take 1 month and think about us, i will be around your area since she lives 1 hour away and i can get my things and we can maybe go for some drinks and talk. I said maybe if we see each other it mite spark somthing since you and i both are not seeing each other. I said i will not bother you in anyway for that whle month. I said if nothing happens and we can not work things out at least we will be left with no doubts or what ifs and i get my things back. So i feel she is confused. I mean if i wanted to end something with somone i would tie a loose ends and leave that person no reason to contact me. I mean i feel she loves me maybe not in love and on top of that if she does not want to return my things then why is she not acting on it meaning ahe does not i feel want to let go so act on it talk to me. I can't believe the conversation on the phone started out with she wants me to give up hope then ends with her agreeing to see me for dinner and drinks possibly???? what is going on here??? I love her like crazy and after 6 months i still miss her alot. She says she is healed but i can't believe that. I think she is keeping herself busy to not think and help her. When i see her what should i do or talk about and how should i act, i mean at some point i want to discuss our future is there is one but do not want to push away... please help with these questions!!!!! IMO, she has told you everything you need to know. She said she doesn't love you, she is showing you this by not being with you. Your best bet right now is to disappear and get over her. If she contacts you and wants to work on things, take it from there. The last thing you want to do is chase her and bug her. Let her miss you and see what happens.
BCCA Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 Brother, if your stuff is just some clothes and CD's, than I would chalk it up as a loss and move on. If its like a $2000 TV or something thats expensive or irreplacable, than just know youll get it back in time. Shes not hanging onto your stuff because she wants to work things out. Chances are she just doesnt feel like putting forth the effort to send it back, or doesnt care if you get it back at all. She said she doesnt love you, doesnt miss you as much, etc...to me, it sounds like shes telling you to go away. Will she wake up one morning and realize what a terrible mistake this was? I'll put it this way, I would give you about a 5% chance of that happening. Even if she did feel that, her pride wouldnt let her eat her words and come back. Back WAY off, and leave it alone. I'm sure shell return your stuff, and if she doesnt, there is one more reason why she is a b***h and you dont want her in your life.
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