Beee Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 How do you give up hope? how do you stop hoping there might be another possibility? I work with my ex and we see each other pretty much every day. I have tried very hard to keep communication down to the very minumum, but its hard. Its hard when I see him and all I can think about is our time together and how much I miss him. He has been "nice" to me since the breakup, in that he still checks how I'm doing (and how my family is doing - as there are some health issues), took me to the airpiort last week..... but that's it..... I still miss him like crazy and am finding it hard to imagine my future without him... but.... I do plan my weeks/weekends on the basis that its just me, I'm not waiting around for him to change his mind about something. Deep down however, I know I'm still holding onto the hope that one day he will trun round and tell me what an idiot he's been..... Its probably not healthy to be holiding on to this hope... but isn't hope a human "instinct"? isn't it naturally for us to have hope? isn't it what keeps us going? How do you let go of that and live your life trying to accept that there won't be anything again? How can you be so sure? I have tried with every bit of myself but can't seem to accept it, it can't just end out of the blue, can it?
HopeDiesLast Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 How do you give up hope? how do you stop hoping there might be another possibility? I work with my ex and we see each other pretty much every day. I have tried very hard to keep communication down to the very minumum, but its hard. Its hard when I see him and all I can think about is our time together and how much I miss him. He has been "nice" to me since the breakup, in that he still checks how I'm doing (and how my family is doing - as there are some health issues), took me to the airpiort last week..... but that's it..... I still miss him like crazy and am finding it hard to imagine my future without him... but.... I do plan my weeks/weekends on the basis that its just me, I'm not waiting around for him to change his mind about something. Deep down however, I know I'm still holding onto the hope that one day he will trun round and tell me what an idiot he's been..... Its probably not healthy to be holiding on to this hope... but isn't hope a human "instinct"? isn't it naturally for us to have hope? isn't it what keeps us going? How do you let go of that and live your life trying to accept that there won't be anything again? How can you be so sure? I have tried with every bit of myself but can't seem to accept it, it can't just end out of the blue, can it? Hey if you happen to find the answer to this post, please fill me in. I think sometimes there will always be hope. If you love someone you can't make the hope disappear. But you can bury it. You can live for you, and continue to have fun and do what you want. and let life take its course. Let whatever is supposed to happen, happen. And then if you meet someone else, the hope goes away more. maybe not totally, but who knows, were all different. and maybe he will come back. and if you want him, you can end it with whoever you're with. and if you dont want him, then you are in a better place. and if he doesnt come back, then someone new will come along. So while you hope for him to realize, also hope that someone better will come along. We should all hope to just get through this.
nowhereman82 Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 I can't imagine being capable of getting over him without leaving your job. This is why you don't date coworkers. Makes it way more complicated than it should be.
Author Beee Posted August 26, 2008 Author Posted August 26, 2008 nowhereman - I'm sure your intentions are good.... but I can't change jobs like I change a top, or a pair of shoes.... When I first started seeing my ex I thought it wouldn't last and wasn't worried about seeing him at work.... but then feelings got serious and by then you can't control feelings. No need to tell me off about having feelings for a colleague, I feel bad enough already!
MalachiX Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 There's nothing wrong with hope but there is something wrong with investing all your hope into a man who's told you he doesn't love you or want to be with you. When you're single, you have a hope to just find the right person. I used to constantly have dreams about meeting the right girl and falling in love. In every dream she'd have a different face and a different background but I always knew she was the "one." When I met my EX, she became that one. Even though there were things about her that didn't gel with my concept of an SO, there was enough that worked that I forgot about the other stuff and she became my hope for the future. Dreams about finding the mysterious one were replaced with dreams of her. Now we're no longer together and I have to start looking for the one again. It's a hard thing since I spent two and half years under the assumption that she was it and now there needs to be a lot of deprogramming. After six months, at least I've (pretty much) stopped dreaming of her in a romantic light. I know it will take more time but that's OK; there's always enough time to be careful and make sure you do things better next time. I think you need to let yourself detox from this guy. It's going to take quite a while since you went through a period of time (don't know how long) believing he was the one for you. It won't be easy. It won't be fun. But as long as you keep equating this guy with "hope" then you're never going to start the process. My method is as follows and I'll let you know how well it worked in a few years: I don't hope for a relationship right now but I hope for the future. I know I can make myself a better person. I know I can do better in my career. I know can be a better friend and be better to my family. Right now, I'm hoping to become a better/wiser person and to become a success in my life. I like to believe that once I've gotten a bit more comfortable in that, I'll be able to start hoping for a relationship again. In fact, if love works the way that most say it does, I'll probably be totally absorbed in my life and doing well when I'll suddenly fall in love again, out of the blue, when I don't have time for it, and it will once again be a bloody inconvenience.
MalachiX Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 took me to the airpiort last week..... but that's it..... For starters, if you're that into this guy, try to find another friend for things like that. I still miss him like crazy and am finding it hard to imagine my future without him... but.... I do plan my weeks/weekends on the basis that its just me, Forget your weekends, how about your life? Why not plan a life which doesn't include him and can make you happy. I'm not waiting around for him to change his mind about something. Deep down however, I know I'm still holding onto the hope that one day he will trun round and tell me what an idiot he's been..... Do you really want to spend the rest of your life waiting for that? Don't you think you're worth a lot more than that? Its probably not healthy to be holiding on to this hope... but isn't hope a human "instinct"? isn't it naturally for us to have hope? isn't it what keeps us going? Hope is a wonderful thing but human beings can also be logical and pragmatic. I'd love to be rich and, while I may hope I win the lottery, get left a ton of money by a rich relative, or somehow stumble into fortune, I rationally know that this isn't very likely and I need to do something else to be financially stable. Pragmatically you know it doesn't make sense to wait around for this guy on the off chance he'll suddenly want you back. How do you let go of that and live your life trying to accept that there won't be anything again? How can you be so sure? Not a matter of being sure, it's a matter of being practical. It's just like my lottery example. I'm not sure I'll never win but I don't want to hinge my future on it. I have tried with every bit of myself but can't seem to accept it, it can't just end out of the blue, can it? Of course it can. If he had died it would have ended out of the blue as well. Or if he suddenly decided he was gay or had a midlife crisis. Maybe it didn't end out of the blue. Maybe he was planning to call it quits long before but never let you know about it. The point is that it doesn't matter. IT'S OVER! You know why in every movie about a desperate guy/girl trying to win their EX back, they always realize at the end that they need to let the relationship go? Because even hollywood writers who are masters of stretching credability know that it doesn't pay to pine after someone who doesn't want you anymore.
A CHICK WITH TEETH Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 Gosh Beee..I have this same problem and it sucks. It is hard to let it go.Letting go is a process. I don't think I will ever get him out of my heart completely, and there will be a void inside me without him in my life.I know this is a temporary thing (or I hope). I just have to take it day to day. We all do.
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