Author mytruelove Posted August 28, 2008 Author Posted August 28, 2008 he put it to me like this...they have broken up several times already. he has not and has NO plans on commiting to her. they have problems. he talks like there is a future with me, like he has feelings for me not her. i know the guy pretty well, and i can tell when his feelings are genuine - at least i hope.
NewSunrise Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 he put it to me like this...they have broken up several times already. he has not and has NO plans on commiting to her. they have problems. he talks like there is a future with me, like he has feelings for me not her. i know the guy pretty well, and i can tell when his feelings are genuine - at least i hope. MTL Why don't you just ask his live in GF the truth? Only then will you find him "genuinely truthful". So let me get this right. You're being extra "cautious" to protect him because you're afraid to lose him? Lose what? How can you lose something you never had in the first place? And you're afraid of being alone? Alone to what? You ARE already alone 50% of the time or more? And you will still be alone even IF he leaves his live in gf for you simply because they have kids. Meanwhile, he's "pressuring" you to wait so that his live in GF AND YOU continue to feed his "harem" mentality? Is this what you feel you deserve as your "soul mate?"
wildsoul Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 he talks like there is a future with me, like he has feelings for me not her. Don't want to seem like I'm grilling you, but I think this is a good question. When you say he "talks like there is a future" with you, what do you mean? What has he actually said, and has it been consistent? I read something that made me think. The term used was "selective hearing." The author was saying how people in A's will often do 2 things that lead to heartbreak: The OW/M will only hear the "I want to be with YOU" parts, and filter out the other messages that say, "I don't know," "I love the other," "I don't want to hurt them by leaving," etc. [interestingly, the author wrote that the MP, tends to most remember the times they gave you the less committed answers, therefore they don't think they are lying/leading you on.]The OW/M will subconsciously embellish the postive messages. For example hearing the words "I love you," but interpretting that as "I want to spend my life with you."What's he actually saying to you?
honour and trust Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 HEY MTL!! Where's my source? Lol, 4 years of disappointment! I think we can't help what we want but we can help how we deal with the situations we're dealt with. I understand that you have other priorities and commitments in your life so you can't find outlets as easy as myself but I had to refocus and reprioritize what I have going on. I picked up a second job and started treating myself a couple nights a week (i.e. getting massages, going out for drinks, volunteering). This gives me less time to think about him and less time to dedicate to him. When I proved my value to myself, I expected him to do the same...kind of raising the bar of expectations. If I can do xxx amount for me then he should be able to provide the same amount if not more. He wasn't doing that before because I never made him. I was just like you...still am. I never push relationship because if he doesn't get into one with me because he wants it then we won't last and the heartache will continue. The fight to obtain him started to wear on me and that's what did it. Everyday I was emotionally exhausted because of what I was putting myself through. What it took was for me to realize that I was doing this to myself not him. I was very aware of what I was involved in but I was making excuses and blaming him when really it was my doing. He doesn't want to be committed to me, maybe he will one day but not right now. After 4 years, I decided to say (excuse my language) **** it! I'm a catch, if he doesn't care then I don't either. Don't admire me though--I'm taking steps but he's still very much apart of my life. I no longer reach out to him. If he doesn't call, we don't speak. If he's not taking me out and making me feel special then he spends no time with me. Thats what I mean by action, he's stepped up but still it doesn't mean anything. I've even started dating but we'll see how it ends up. My story is nowhere close to being over just a new chapter in our lack of a relationship. Enough about me! I say take steps to show him that although he's important, he's not that important. He's not allowed to tell you one thing and do another. He's not allowed to treat you like you aren't the best thing because you are. You are the best and even if you don't feel like it...Kimora Lee Simmons said it best--fake it until you believe it! Me and my significant have a date this weekend so I'll keep you posted. Good luck taking one step at a time. Please start taking steps now, there's no reason why you shouldn't.
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