tinad5 Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 Hey there everyone... I am new to this but figured I would give it a try... Here is the situation...I met someone 3 weeks ago out. We exchanged numbers and he contacted me that following Wed. to make plans. We went out on Saturday night for a date. All the signals pointed to him being very into me. We laughed a lot...talked about our lives...he made mention halfway through the date about going out again. We had tons in common. He drove me home and we did fool around a bit but did not have sex. All signs pointed to him being attracted to me...lol. He did say that he recently got out of a long term relationship and was not ready for anything serious. He is also dating other girls. He was very honest and upfront about this, which I can appreciate. I'm not sure I am looking to settle down either as we are both in our mid 20's. I just felt that we really clicked and I never feel that way. He told me he had a great time and would be in touch. A half hour later, he sent me a text on his own saying he had a great time and he hoped that I did as well. He said he would talk to me soon. He also noted during the date that he was going away for a couple days last week. Now, it's a week and a couple days...and nothing! I did send him a text this past Friday asking how his vacation went and left it at that and never heard back from him. I am not contacting him beyond that one text. Now, I would like to just let it be and say, "he's not into me" at all. I understand he is also playing the field and it's very possible he was seeing someone else this past weekend. I guess what is keeping me from letting it go completely is the last text he sent. He said he had a great time on the date when saying goodbye to me. There was no reason to send that text after the date was over if he had no interest. I guess I am just wondering if it is possible that I will hear from him again especially if I lay low and don't contact him at all... Any advice? Opinions? Thank you!
Author tinad5 Posted August 25, 2008 Author Posted August 25, 2008 Anyone? Any thoughts on this...sorry to be a bother but just feeling anxious and confused...
Jilly Bean Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 He had a good time on the date, meant the text when he sent it, but has either moved on to someone else since then, or is no longer interested. His reaction and feelings toward you today don't negate how he felt in the moment weeks ago, it's just that it doesn't appear the feelings sustained. He may still resurface again in due time. Many guys double back when casually dating. Will be your call how you want to handle it at that point.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 He did say that he recently got out of a long term relationship and was not ready for anything serious. He is also dating other girls. He was very honest and upfront about this, which I can appreciate. I'm not sure I am looking to settle down either as we are both in our mid 20's. I just felt that we really clicked and I never feel that way. He told me he had a great time and would be in touch. A half hour later, he sent me a text on his own saying he had a great time and he hoped that I did as well. He said he would talk to me soon. He also noted during the date that he was going away for a couple days last week. Now, it's a week and a couple days...and nothing! I did send him a text this past Friday asking how his vacation went and left it at that and never heard back from him. I am not contacting him beyond that one text. Now, I would like to just let it be and say, "he's not into me" at all. I understand he is also playing the field and it's very possible he was seeing someone else this past weekend. I guess what is keeping me from letting it go completely is the last text he sent. He said he had a great time on the date when saying goodbye to me. There was no reason to send that text after the date was over if he had no interest. I guess I am just wondering if it is possible that I will hear from him again especially if I lay low and don't contact him at all... Any advice? Opinions? Thank you! If you have a list, then it's best you put him in the no more contact list. If he has options, then most likely he's out with girl A, B, C, or D. No amount of excuses could have kept him from replying back to you, be it that same day, or the next day. It's not good to place so much interest in a guy that doesn't want a LTR yet someone you felt a " click" with. There shouldn't be any assumptions on your part to try to justify his behaviour. He simply disappeared. That, for you, is a good thing. Now you can entirely erase from your life and date someone new.
Author tinad5 Posted August 25, 2008 Author Posted August 25, 2008 If you have a list, then it's best you put him in the no more contact list. If he has options, then most likely he's out with girl A, B, C, or D. No amount of excuses could have kept him from replying back to you, be it that same day, or the next day. It's not good to place so much interest in a guy that doesn't want a LTR yet someone you felt a " click" with. There shouldn't be any assumptions on your part to try to justify his behaviour. He simply disappeared. That, for you, is a good thing. Now you can entirely erase from your life and date someone new. I definitely agree that I need to *not* get attached to someone who is currently against being in a LTR right now even though we clicked. It's just frustrating that he even made the effort to contact me following the date only to not follow up after. I've been in plenty situations where it seemed to go well but things were left up in the air after the in person goodbye. The text threw me off. I agree that there is no excuse good enough (except for being deathly ill or having a death in the family!) to explain away not returning my message. I am just being a female and overanalyzing per usual. Insight much appreciated! Thanks to those who have replied so far...
JoeNewbie Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 A guy who really likes a girl but yet doesn't feel entirely ready to be in a LTR will NOT mention other girls he is dating. He might date other girls but he would be discrete about it. As for his follow-up note, don't make it more important than it really is.
Author tinad5 Posted August 25, 2008 Author Posted August 25, 2008 A guy who really likes a girl but yet doesn't feel entirely ready to be in a LTR will NOT mention other girls he is dating. He might date other girls but he would be discrete about it. As for his follow-up note, don't make it more important than it really is. True...but then again...the first night we started talking, he pointed out a co-worker at the restaurant we were at (it was his night off but he was there for drinks) and stated she was one of the girls he was dating. As the night wore on, he was the one getting more flirty and touchy with me. He even went as far as to ask to take a pic of the two of us to save to his phone. Seems he is not overly concerned with how the other girls he is dating are feeling because if I were her, I would have been annoyed... just some extra info on the situation.
CommitmentPhobe Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 . There was no reason to send that text after the date was over if he had no interest. You're making that up because you want him to be interested. He's not, move on.
Author tinad5 Posted August 26, 2008 Author Posted August 26, 2008 Update... He has contacted me and apologized for taking so long to get back to me. Wants to see me this weekend. Any suggestions on my next step?
jadedone Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 Girls A, B, and C must be busy or no longer interested in him.
BUTTAFLYH Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 I would let this one go. You have been thinking about him a lot and stated that you clicked, which to me says you have more of a chance of developing feelings for him when he has clearly stated that he only wants to date casually. You have to listen to a man when he says this. They mean it. He will not change. Those are just my thoughts. And also, if he was chillin' with you in front of the other girl he was dating and not caring, he is obviously very free about this, so he may do the same to you sometime, and you said you would be annoyed. I just think you'e better off moving on. I see trouble ahead with this one. Good luck though...
Author tinad5 Posted September 5, 2008 Author Posted September 5, 2008 Okay...thanks again to all who gave me some advice a couple weeks ago. Here is an update on the whole thing... I briefly replied to his last text from a couple weeks ago that I was busy for the holiday weekend and left it at that. This past Tuesday, he sent me a text asking how my weekend was and if I had any plans for Thursday night...his day off from work. He wanted to meet for drinks. I decided I would casually agree to it just to see what happened. Honestly, after reading your responses, I was able to unattach myself from the situation and look at it in more clear terms. I don't have any expectations at this point. It's amusing. Yesterday, I get a text in the afternoon from him saying his car has broken down. I rolled my eyes...said "No big deal" to him and knew I was getting blown off. Then...I get this text back, "No...it is a big deal because I really want to see you tonight." He text me again in the early evening to say the car went over to the mechanic and he would let me know around 8ish what was going on. He also said again he wanted to see me....in a flirty manner. I never heard from him after 6:30 last night. Now, I am dropping the whole thing...he has had his chance and he blew it. I am just wondering if anyone has any insight as to what the whole point of asking me out again was if he was only going to blow me off? Was the car story even real? lol. It seems so elaborate if he wanted to just cancel but who knows? Any opinions are appreciated. I am seeing other people but I am more curious now than anything else about this nutty situation.
EllaDerSpin Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 He said he doesnt want anything serious, mentioned he was dating other girls and also had a good time with you. Theres no contradiction there. He wants a good time, he had a good time. As for the rest, it sounds like he is on an ego trip and keeping as many girls on the go at once as possible. Still he was honest about it. It sounds like you are looking for something alot more meaningful. You won't get it from him.
Author tinad5 Posted September 5, 2008 Author Posted September 5, 2008 Thanks Ella....honestly, I was looking for something a couple weeks ago from him but I do feel fine with what has happened. Once my initial hopes were dashed, it made the whole situation more grounded in my mind. More than anything, I am just baffled by the whole thing...it's funny at this point. It is always good though to hear the opinions of those who are indifferent.
EllaDerSpin Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 At least you know what kind of relationship you dont want now.
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