Asked boyfriend of a year a questiona nd he said "it's none of your business"

[kathyk]

Last night I was having a conversation with my boyfriend and he made this face like he had an idea, or a solution to something. I asked him what? He said "it's nothing" I said again, "what?" Because I thought it was something that had to do with our conversation. He said "It's none of your business" He is not a mean person, we get a long fine and I don't think he's cheating on me. But it ended up in to this entire argument where he said "you don't need to know every thought in my head." I said "if it's nothing, then why can't you tell me" We have been dating for a year and know pretty much everything about each other. I ended up saying "is it about another woman" because he was just so adamant about telling me what it was. He ended up getting very angry about it and had to leave the house. I'm just at a loss and have no idea where this came from. Any thoughts?

[Raina]

Probably just a misunderstanding. It presume it's the first time something like this happened? He just sounds a bit stubborn to me, that's all. Nothing to worry about in my opinion.

[Kamille]

The context you present would have led me to believe it was my business too, but I for one believe that no, not everything in a partner's life is 'of my business'. A few times, my ex and I would be talking about friends of his and I would ask a question and he would say: "I'd rather not get into those details. I feel it's between Jo and me". Fair enough.

 

I'm a bit worried about the fact that you would automatically assume it was therefore about another woman and understand why he would get offended. Do you have any other indication that another woman might be involved, or was that comment/feeling prompted by the fact you were in an 'insecurity crisis' over the fact that he wasn't going to tell you what he was thinking?

 

I guess I'm wondering why you reacted so strongly to it. I would have turned it into a joke and said something like: "oh I know, you just thought you wanted to surprise me with roses tomorow night!"

[Shygirl15]

Last night I was having a conversation with my boyfriend and he made this face like he had an idea, or a solution to something. I asked him what? He said "it's nothing" I said again, "what?" Because I thought it was something that had to do with our conversation. He said "It's none of your business" He is not a mean person, we get a long fine and I don't think he's cheating on me.

 

How old are you? This is completely a non-issue.

 

But it ended up in to this entire argument where he said "you don't need to know every thought in my head." I said "if it's nothing, then why can't you tell me" We have been dating for a year and know pretty much everything about each other.

 

Look, this whole thing was so very unnecessary, and yes you don't need to know everything that goes in his head. Give him space, if he wants to tell you something he will, if he doesn't then it's fine.

 

I ended up saying "is it about another woman" because he was just so adamant about telling me what it was. He ended up getting very angry about it and had to leave the house. I'm just at a loss and have no idea where this came from. Any thoughts?

 

Look the way you stupidly overreacted. Again, how old are you? Sorry, but you're so insecure and childish.

 

Action Plan:

 

1. You should apologize to him for your behaviour, pronto.

2. Learn how behave better next time during arguments.

3. Be in control of your emotions, don't let emotions control you.

[Jersey Shortie]

It sounds like he over reacted. It also sounds like he was a little defensive and maybe felt a little sufficated. I think his behavior was rather childish. Once he cooled down try talking to him again..something along the lines of not really understanding what happened before but that you just were trying to share and communicate with him. Also respect his privacy and if he doesn't want to tell him, don't keep demanding that he does. He might tell you again in his own time if you respect his boundries. If you don't have a concern that he is cheating, then give him a little space on his thoughts. I don't think you owe him an aplogy though. You didn't do anything more wrong then he did.

 

 

2. Learn how behave better next time during arguments.

3. Be in control of your emotions, don't let emotions control you.

 

 

Yeah, because learning to behave is leaving the house like a child and that certainly is controling your emotions. I'm sorry but your advice is a little hypocritical as he is the one that left the house in an emotional turmoil.

[Shygirl15]

Considering OP continued to nag him about his thoughts and he wasn't willing to share them with her, his exit was a very wise move, IMO. I fail to understand why she kept on nagging him about it anyway.

 

I'm also confused; somewhere in her original post she says she doesn't think he is cheating or anything, then down the line she accuses him of having thoughts about another woman??

 

I think she was just itching for a fight.

 

I guess as women, it's always nice to support each other and bash the guys, but sometimes let's just take a look from both sides and offer realistic opinions.

[Jersey Shortie]

What about my posting wasn't looking at it from both sides?

 

Shygirl, I've come to read some of your posts and you are a case of one of those women that want to be in the good boys club. Men eat that up and offer your warm and fuzzy compliments for your support. At the end of the day, you don't have a penis so they will let you in the hallway and buy your girlscout cookies, pat you on your head and send you on your way. Which is fine, but you aren't a fair and partial jury you think. You're pitch hitting for the other team.

 

I never bashed the guy. I think they are equally to blame for the situation and I did give the advice that she should let him have his own thoughts. He didn't do a good job of controling his emotions anymore then she did. Neither one communicated the best way they could. I recogonize that in the situation. If you think she owes him an apology, to be fair, he does then too.

[Shygirl15]

Jersey, my last post was not even responding to yours. You're always full of assumptions and your assessment of myself is completely wrong, however it's really not suprising after witnessing a series of your recent posts on various threads. I am gender blind Jersey, I don't have to support your opinion simply because you are a woman, like me. If that makes me want to be in the good boys club, then be it.

 

Good luck in finding another poster to attack, as I don't have time for such BS.

[Jersey Shortie]

You're the one that turned it into gender wars on this thread talking about being a woman and having to agree with other women..blah blah blah, which I never even insinuated had to be true. My issue was never that you supported a man over a woman. My issue with your post is you failed to see the behavior of one person, which was also emotionally driven and not a good way to communicate, while saying the other person behaved far worse. But no skin off my back. Just pointing out the obivous.

[Shygirl15]

You're the one that turned it into gender wars on this thread talking about being a woman and having to agree with other women..blah blah blah, which I never even insinuated had to be true. My issue was never that you supported a man over a woman. My issue with your post is you failed to see the behavior of one person, which was also emotionally driven and not a good way to communicate, while saying the other person behaved far worse. But no skin off my back. Just pointing out the obivous.

 

Sweetie, I looked at it from both angles and the conclusion I came with was that she acted childish. You thought otherwise. Very fine.

 

I have noticed that you, and few other people, like to launch attacks on posters with different opinions instead of focussing on the issue at hand. Express a different opinion if you have, just don't attack and branding me names because my opinion is different from yours.

[stillafool]

Last night I was having a conversation with my boyfriend and he made this face like he had an idea, or a solution to something. I asked him what? He said "it's nothing" I said again, "what?" Because I thought it was something that had to do with our conversation. He said "It's none of your business" He is not a mean person, we get a long fine and I don't think he's cheating on me. But it ended up in to this entire argument where he said "you don't need to know every thought in my head." I said "if it's nothing, then why can't you tell me" We have been dating for a year and know pretty much everything about each other. I ended up saying "is it about another woman" because he was just so adamant about telling me what it was. He ended up getting very angry about it and had to leave the house. I'm just at a loss and have no idea where this came from. Any thoughts?

 

 

If I were you I would have said okay and changed the subject. Who knows he may have been planning a surprise for you!

[4dviceJunki3]

Now who are the ones being childish? Talk about a drift of topics!

 

Anyways, as you two duel it out, my opinion regarding this issue is this:

 

You shouldn't assume because assumption is only going to lead you to problems as you experienced yourself last night. As your boyfriend, he shouldn't have to hide anything from you; however, if it really has nothing to do with you, then it isn't your business. As much as you would want him to share information, you have to respect his privacy and personal space. Just because you feel that you tell him everything, even things that have nothing to do with him, that he should do the same; no.

 

He did overreact by storming out of the house but you pressured him. Now, it could have been the confidentiality of the information which you were requesting from him and the level of secrecy was so much that when he felt a little pressure from you, he couldn't think to do anything else but to react the way he did.

 

Just apologize to him and tell him that you respect his privacy but take note of this situation and understand that he doesn't fully feel comfortable telling you personal things; maybe you should consider doing the same. I mean, honestly, 1 year isn't all that long for two people to share their very dark secrets.

[Jersey Shortie]

Now who are the ones being childish? Talk about a drift of topics!

 

 

True. I'll let it go.

[xpaperxcutx]

Ehh...

 

OP, what I would like to know is what exactly was the topic of the conversation. I think that would give us a bit more insight as to why he suddenly had a "moment".

 

I think at this point, both of you are insecure and immature respectively, you for jumping to conclusions, and him for storming out of the house instead of peacefully backing out of the situation.

 

If apologies are to be exchanged it should be from the two of you.

[4dviceJunki3]

Ehh...

 

OP, what I would like to know is what exactly was the topic of the conversation. I think that would give us a bit more insight as to why he suddenly had a "moment".

 

I think at this point, both of you are insecure and immature respectively, you for jumping to conclusions, and him for storming out of the house instead of peacefully backing out of the situation.

 

If apologies are to be exchanged it should be from the two of you.

 

I couldn't agree anymore.

[RecordProducer]

Any thoughts?

It was actually disgraceful of you to insist on knowing his thoughts. Indeed, you don't need to know his every thought. Give him a credit for not making up something just to please your curiosity. Maybe he just came up with an idea about a birthday present for you. Sorry to tell you this, but you acted controlling. You caught him thinking about something, not writing an email to another woman. How could you even say it was about another woman? You think he all of a sudden remembered somebody else and had this brilliant idea about how to get into her pants? Your reaction was ridiculous in the least. My point is: relax, everything is OK. It's scary that you get all worked up and suspicious about a BF you get along with just fine - just because he didn't tell you what he thought at the moment.

 

Maybe he realized why his poop as red - not because he has an ulcer, but because he ate beets.

[AriaIncognito]

If I were you I would have said okay and changed the subject. Who knows he may have been planning a surprise for you!

 

It's funny because the first thing I thought was that maybe he realized he wanted to marry her.

 

Not like he'd want to spoil the surprise if that's his line of thinking.

 

Of course I could be way off, but what if you jumped to that conclusion and he had thought of marriage? It could cause him to think twice about being with someone who could so easily accuse him of something going on with another woman.

 

I'd think you should evaluate why you jumped to that conclusion, and work on that in yourself. It's not a natural reaction to go there.

[RecordProducer]

It's funny because the first thing I thought was that maybe he realized he wanted to marry her.

 

He (to himself): Hey! I could marry this girl and make Mama finally shut up!

She: Whaaaat?

He: Nothin'

She: Tell me what!

He: None of your business!

She: I know, it's about another woman!

He: Nah...

She: Yes, it is!

He (to himself): Forget marying her! Mama will kill me if I do!

[Balthazar]

Last night I was having a conversation with my boyfriend and he made this face like he had an idea, or a solution to something. I asked him what? He said "it's nothing" I said again, "what?" Because I thought it was something that had to do with our conversation. He said "It's none of your business" He is not a mean person, we get a long fine and I don't think he's cheating on me. But it ended up in to this entire argument where he said "you don't need to know every thought in my head." I said "if it's nothing, then why can't you tell me" We have been dating for a year and know pretty much everything about each other. I ended up saying "is it about another woman" because he was just so adamant about telling me what it was. He ended up getting very angry about it and had to leave the house. I'm just at a loss and have no idea where this came from. Any thoughts?

 

Why not take your man's word and just let sleeping dogs lie?

[Trialbyfire]

I agree with the other posters that things shouldn't have escalated. He's entitled to his own thoughts.

 

Having said that, the next time this happens, if you want to solicit information from your SO, there are a couple of pleasant ways to do it. I'll leave it to your imagination of how.

[Enema]

I think at this point, both of you are insecure and immature respectively, you for jumping to conclusions, and him for storming out of the house instead of peacefully backing out of the situation.

 

I think he did the right thing. He didn't storm out either, as she said: He got angry and had to leave the house.

 

Creating space / walking away / getting some air is a very valid way of dealing with anger in a dispute, giving himself time to calm down.

 

Obviously he couldn't "peacefully back out" because she wouldn't drop it.

[mortensorchid]

Sounds like a little tiff whatever it was. Just water under the bridge. Get past it and move forward with it. Hope you both are speaking to each other by now.

[Krytie TV]

Any thoughts?

 

yeah. My guess is that you probably do this all the time. It is so incredibly annoying to have someone ask you what you're thinking all the time. It can get to the point where you just want to tell the person to butt out. Private thoughts are just that. who wants to have to verbalize to someone every thought that goes through their head?

 

Anyway, my guess is you are one that is always asking what he's thinking and he's getting irritated by it.

[Ronni_W]

I'm just at a loss and have no idea where this came from. Any thoughts?

It came from the fact that you were unable to just accept that his "it's nothing" meant that it wasn't anything. Obviously if it had something useful to add to whatever you two were discussing, he would have told you. (Unless he is an idiot, which I've assumed he is not.)

 

Could have been that all-of-a-sudden he had a thought of whether he had clean underwear for the next day...or, what date Superbowl is gonna fall on...or, that he hasn't masturbated in two weeks...or, how DOES Kris Angel do what he does???

Just because "it's nothing", doesn't mean he would want to, or should want to share it with you (or anyone else.) Some fleeting, "nothing" thoughts can feel a bit 'embarrassing' to reveal.

 

How you ended up making claims on HIS thoughts, and making it all about you...and also throwing "another woman" into the mix(!) is really for you to work out so that it doesn't threaten to ruin any other conversations and relationships in which you are involved.

 

He was correct to leave the situation rather than let his anger get out of control and possibly erupt onto you. That is an appropriate response in an escalating situation, or where reason and compromise do not seem forthcoming.