Author lexi29 Posted August 28, 2008 Author Posted August 28, 2008 You are confusing envy and jealousy - two similar, but different emotions. Envy: desire to have something someone else has. Jealousy: fear of losing something (someone) to someone else. You already lost your fiancee once to this woman. It wouldn't be unusual for you to feel jealous - afraid that you will lose him again. Since his reaction wasn't outrage - what is she doing here?? let's get out of here! - your jealousy (fear) kicked in that maybe he liked it that she was there. And this will ALWAYS be your main problem with this guy. He NEVER realizes how uncomfortable and bothered you are or would be by anything he does simply because HE isn't bothered by it. He NEVER considers you and what's best for your relationship first - he is always and only considering his own reactions and how he feels. This sets you up for a life of wondering why he didn't think anything of flirting with someone at a party, going out with his friends and dancing with other women (that are unimportant to him, so why should it bother you since it doesn't mean anything to him, right?), phone calls and texts from exes that he doesn't bother to tell you about (because they mean nothing to him, right?), or, as TC suggested, the neighbor lady spending too much time at your place when you aren't there... Taken further, it also means a lifetime of: it doesn't occur to him that you need some time away from the kids, it doesn't occur to him that he's not doing his share of any cleaning or laundry or whatever (because it doesn't bother HIM if the house is a pigsty and the kids don't have clean clothes), it doesn't occur to him that it might bother you that he hasn't taken you out to dinner in months while he goes out with his work buddies every Friday after work, it just doesn't occur to him to consider YOU, ever. It's all about HIM. Do you get that? Yes, I'm starting to see that and it scares me. Unfortunately every guy I've ever dated has been like this (all about him) and though none of them started out that way they always end up like this. I don't understand why.
norajane Posted August 28, 2008 Posted August 28, 2008 Yes, I'm starting to see that and it scares me. Unfortunately every guy I've ever dated has been like this (all about him) and though none of them started out that way they always end up like this. I don't understand why. We all have a tendency to think of ourselves first, but most mature people are also capable of including their loved one in their thinking. It's also common to start taking your lover for granted after a while. However, again, most mature people are capable of correcting that behavior if it's pointed out to them. All you can do is expect better behavior from your bf and not make excuses or accept his excuses. If you see that it's part of his personality to never think of you, then it's up to you to demand better by cutting him loose and opening up to a man who will and does treat you the way you want to be treated. If you aren't getting what you want out of a relationship, it's up to you to work with him to change things or to get out and give another guy a chance.
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