singlelife Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 I have been talking to a girl and found out she is in the circle of friends with my ex wife. The marriage ended badly and it's a shame but we are not close at all. This new girl is super we just started talking and we both are night owls and are compatible and I feel we could be great friends even if it doesn't get too serious. However, I feel that I may need to not go further due to her circle of friends. What do you guys think?
jerbear Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 I say go for it. I would caution that when worlds collide it is not going to be fun. Also your ex-w may feel threatened AND make accusations. I still say be friends at least.
reservoirdog1 Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 I see nothing wrong with it. Just be prepared for a bit of drama from your ex.
Author singlelife Posted August 25, 2008 Author Posted August 25, 2008 mmmm. i'm leaning against it. i didn't plan it but i don't know
JoeNewbie Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 Depends how close she is to your ex-wife. If she's a close friend, I'd be cautious. If she's just part of the remote circle (and if she seems keen to establish a connection with you), I say go for it.
Kamille Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 You have nothing to lose by getting to know the friend more. Besides, shouldn't it be up to her to decide how she wants to navigage this? Or are you tring to keep some distance from your ex?
Author singlelife Posted August 25, 2008 Author Posted August 25, 2008 i really don't want any kind of contac with my ex or hear how she's doing or have anything i'm doing go back to her. you know how girls talk. i guess also i don't want the new girl to be influenced by her or the friends and then have it mess things up. now i am a very confident guy and have no problem getting dates at all so it's not like the end of the world but the main reason is i've ran into a few other of the exes friends at the mall and we hugged and all that. i just don't want any more bad feelings going on if it happens to be anyone. i have also stayed away from our mutual friends as well.
JoeNewbie Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 i really don't want any kind of contac with my ex or hear how she's doing or have anything i'm doing go back to her. you know how girls talk. i guess also i don't want the new girl to be influenced by her or the friends and then have it mess things up. now i am a very confident guy and have no problem getting dates at all so it's not like the end of the world but the main reason is i've ran into a few other of the exes friends at the mall and we hugged and all that. i just don't want any more bad feelings going on if it happens to be anyone. i have also stayed away from our mutual friends as well. Well, seems like you've answered your own question, no?
Author singlelife Posted August 25, 2008 Author Posted August 25, 2008 she called yesterday when i was in church and i didn't get the message until today. we talked last night and i asked her if she was uncomfortable with the situation. she said no and said she judges people on her own merits. i was uncomfortable and i know she could tell. i kind of started an argument to end our friendship and she was upset and said she had to go. i called her back and left a vm saying that i was sorry for being rude and that i didn't want her to go to sleep or continue being mad at me so i'll talk to her later. i felt bad for starting a bad petty argument and didn't want her to think i was a complete jerk but felt relieved that we were probably not going to have much contac if any so i saved face. well this monrng i checked my vm and she had left me a 2 min message from the day before sharing how she spent her saturday and to call her so we can chit chat and it was really affectionate. you could tell she valued our short friendship and was planning to spend time with me even if it was at the super duper friend level. you know women don't just leave vm like that. now i feel like a jerk. i really hurt her feelings.
rod_in_gtown Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 The proximity with the ex wife can be a problem if she doesn't know how to handle her friends, but it seems to me like she has a pretty good handle on her emotions and has her head on her shoulders. Give it a chance, you might want to go into more detail on your side of how your previous relationship ended so that she can have both sides of the story. It's very likely that she already heard your ex's side of the story so it's better to put your $0.02 in there. Either way, if this is going to go the distance, don't worry about your ex. make your own rules as you go along, and don't get caught in petty arguments.
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